fast perch
(TW: suicide talk, obviously mental health shit)
So on friday i had my normal bi-weekly therapy session and everything was pretty normal for the first couple minutes. Me and her talked about family issues, school, sports, wtv. Then i forgot what led up to this but she had said she was proud of me for everything i went through and still standing, I denied still standing and told her that it was kind of insane i was still alive. (LMAO BIG MISTAKE LOL) she asked me some questions on how i was feeling about suicide and i answered most of them 100% honestly and if i didn't say an honest answer i just didn't say anything at all. she brought my mom in for questioning and both of them thought it was a good idea for me to go get a psych evaluation to see whats best for me. I voiced my biggest concerns about this because last time i went to a psych ward, (partial hospitalization program, basically only going in for the work/school day and still being able to go home) I missed a SHIT TON of school work, I missed my main friends, my parents would always complain when they were dropping me off/picking me up, and it was a little financially hard on us. they agreed with me that this was a HUGE decision. mentally, physically, and especially financially. my therapist let me have the weekend to make a decision on what i thought was best for me but i really don't know what to do..i had 3 options
- On one hand if i choose to go get an evaluation (and assuming i need to go inpatient) all the same things would happen that happened last time. my dad would get angry, manipulate me, make me feel bad about my mental health issues (which is weird bc this is literally TO HELP ME), it would be expensive, and i would miss a ton of school.
- On the other hand if i suck it up and just deal with life, i fear might go into another panic or depressive episode and either relapse or actually go through with my plan
- But the 3rd option my parents came up with yesterday was to go to a residential mental health boarding school for the rest of my school year. idrk how to feel about this one so uhh yeah
mellow aurora