I struggle with talking to people/making friends.

[empty quartz]

I always feel like I'm looked down upon for my social skills. I tend to be quiet, but chime in when I have something to say. I think of jokes, and they usually make others laugh. Other times, they don't. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I also wish I was better at interacting with others, because I'm bad at meeting people. In online relationships, I find myself always asking people that I want to get to know how they're doing which results in them saying how they are and then never texting me again. Could I please get some advice?

[radiant badge]

Maybe you could join a club for one of your hobbies and meet people that way in order to develop your social skills? I used to be homeless and was forced to learn how to talk to people that way and be comfortable with it.

[opal heath]

Hi! Hoping my scientific analysis does not seem callous. It’s how I view personality and personal problems! I love researching this stuff. It sounds like 1) you might be a bit more introverted than some and 2) you’re maybe slightly higher on the scale for neuroticism because of how much you consider how you are perceived by others. To show interest or a desire for a relationship with a person you usually have to “make conversation”basically asking them questions about themselves and when they mention something you like or know about or feel like commenting on, then you comment or something. Then they might continue. Relationships are usually formed on mutual interests or situations I think.. haven’t ever studied this actually and I should.. but like, I’m a mom so formed friends with people who had kids who played with my own kid. I’d ask them a bunch of questions about themselves then comment my own thoughts or own experience. Sometimes then they would ask questions. Anyway, once we were past that initial getting to know you phase, we could stop talking so much and just enjoy activities together we both like. But we would always “catch up” which meant like.. we would ask how the other person is doing, what is happening in their life, what do they like now, etc.

My husband is ASD and hates small talk sooo much so doesn’t have friends outside of work.

But he has me! And we would just play scrabble at bookstores and coffee shops together for years and years and that is how I got to know his personality. There was never a LOT of talking but we did gather details of each others life. Most of the time he never asked questions and I would always just spout things off! Haha so it also sounds like you haven’t met someone yet who has just the right amount of extroversion to keep a conversation going with you, and you need to meet someone who will either play a game with you or have a common interest with you to even enjoy together, idk like my husband totally swindled me by taking me to coffee shops with him for 5 years and that was luck for him, he didn’t even know I was just addicted to caffeine 😅 and I didn’t know it either