#my girlfriend doesnt want me to talk to any girls unless I have to

168 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sullen venture
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Me and her have been in a relationship for about 6 months, and we are likely going to be medium distance. I have never cheated or have even thought about it, I am fully commited to her and I have tried my best to show that, but everytime I interact with another girl, she gets bothered. She thinks that you cant control catching feelings and if I talk to other girls I might catch feelings for them. I have had many platonic friendships with girls, but how can I get her to trust me? its eating me up that everytime I interact with a girl and tell my gf about it, it bothers her. As I am about to start my Masters she only wants me to make male friends in my study too.

finite spear
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That’s a red flag, so you want to talk about it?

sullen venture
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yea

finite spear
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You shouldn’t try force yourself too much

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To change

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She should compromise for you because face it

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Even though her carefulness and controlling nature just shows how much she cares about the relationship

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It’s going to negatively effect you mate

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I think you should sit down and talk to her about this

sullen venture
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What do I tell her

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She doesnt understand why cant I just have male friends

finite spear
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We’ll start off by being calm

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Make sure it doesn’t escalate to a fight

sullen venture
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okay

finite spear
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And be honest try not to beat around the bush

sullen venture
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so

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I just tell her that she has trust issues

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hahaahaa

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thats how it feels

finite spear
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And when you explain, make sure you frame her as YOUR priority

finite spear
sullen venture
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no ahah

sullen venture
finite spear
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The best thing you can talk about is how not being friends with other girls will impede you

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Make sure to express your neutrality, and that every friend is just a friend

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You might wanna mention that it’s unfair

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Does she talk to any other boys? Only bring it up implicitly, if you say it explicitly it’ll trigger a lot of girls

sullen venture
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She doesnt have a lot of friends

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She isn't the best at socializing

finite spear
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And also, if she’s reluctant, just reassure her that you’ll be transparent

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That’s what I did

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It kinda worked

sullen venture
gaunt salmon
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I can understand this because I am a girlfriend and I have a problem with my boyfriend being close with other girls.

And yes, there is a reason why. I was cheated on before and it took me a while to realize how much boyfriend loves me and that he would never betray me.

Maybe your girlfriend experienced something in the past that might cause such problem.

finite spear
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That’ll make her trust you more

sullen venture
finite spear
sullen venture
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she is 2 and a half hours away

gaunt salmon
finite spear
gaunt salmon
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I am a girlfriend and I am past my issues but a boyfriend being close to another girl is a redflag even for other girls who don't have bad issues as mine. 😭

finite spear
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Yk kinda build upon already existing trust

sullen venture
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But it can literally be something like a girl texting me about anything

finite spear
sullen venture
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she instantly gives me like a look of annoyance

finite spear
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I think you should set boundaries with your Girlfriend again because this is a bit too far

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She’s restricting your freedom, but it is understandable

gaunt salmon
# sullen venture Yea she has had past problems

;-; I have to tell you, I understand ur gfs situation and she likely needs to heal

my relationship started out toxic because we got together during a time when the people i thought were my friends broke my heart and backstabbed me:(

It was in highschool but back then it just hurt a lot because I thought I finally had good friends but yeah I was so hurt when I realized they said things behind my back and never planned to tell me upfront

me and bf fought so many times because my trust issues were high

and i am surprised he stayed with me still:(

I dont know with your girlfriend if she could but during that time I had to keep unlearning a lot of baggage to fix our relationship, I had to learn to take care of myself more and learn to trust again.

With what we have been through man, all I can say is a person who has issues needs self healing like I did. The relationship will never improve if your gf doesn't heal. :(

sullen venture
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how did you heal?

gaunt salmon
# sullen venture how did you heal?

tbh I had to reflect a lot, many times we almost broke up but I actually did not want to lose him and I decided to fix myself slowly

One was time, I didn't heal overnight

When I finally graduated that was when things started to slowly patch uo because I didn't have to see those people who hurt me anymore

and then the one thing that really helped me heal was actually God

me and my bf would read bible verses together on weekends and some of them really called out my behavior to the point I realized how wrong I was

that was what really helped me change tbh

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it sounds cliche but it really helped me realize how wrong I was when we argue, how my actions were not love but obsession, and that jealousy was not love

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and tbh I also have to thank my bf, he had patience and understanding towards me, he knew I had issues and actually helped me a lot to figure things out too

sullen venture
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okay

gaunt salmon
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but most of it had to be done on my own

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I have a question, would you do the same thing my bf did for me or you don't feel like you can

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you can be honest

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there is no wrong answer

sullen venture
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I absoluitelyt can

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I Will do anything to keep her

gaunt salmon
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then buddy, you are an admirable man

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im so proud of you

sullen venture
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thank you

gaunt salmon
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you are a good boyfriend, what you should do is be gentle with her and learn more about her, but do not spoil her okay? do not enable her actions but instead also have boundaries

but I have to warn you, do not create close friendships or foster them with other women, trust me, atm ur woman is priority over ur friends

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i think she might appreciate seeing your actions more than words too

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my boyfriend is acquianted with other girls, but he isnt close with them at all

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he has his own guy friends too that he is close with

sullen venture
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Okay O see

gaunt salmon
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i think it is also common to distance urself from other girls who arent family when you are with someone

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this is normal and if ur female friends dont like it then thats gonna be a problem because you have a girlfriend now, she cant share you with other girls

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not distance in a dont alk eay

sullen venture
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But what do I do, when for example today I told her at the cafe I work at I got 6 good reviews

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she goes I bet they wre all girls and had a crush on you

gaunt salmon
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ohhhb

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i used to think like that

sullen venture
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I dont even talk to other girls close

gaunt salmon
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hmm

sullen venture
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Sometimes I receive texts

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andI reply

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do I just ignore them?

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but I know them so its rude to ignore

gaunt salmon
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i think my bf shows that he doesnt care about other girls without saying much thats why I stopped thinking like that

sullen venture
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How did he do that

gaunt salmon
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NO

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THAT IS

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😭

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no wonder

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okay

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whta kinds of texts are these?

sullen venture
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an example would be, today someone we both know texted me to ask if I mgoing to be joining the national team for my sport

gaunt salmon
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okay that is okay what else

sullen venture
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okay for more context

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i do competitive cheerleading

gaunt salmon
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WOW

sullen venture
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an easy way to think about it is acro gymnastics

gaunt salmon
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I salute you

sullen venture
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thank you hah

gaunt salmon
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anyways continue

sullen venture
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and so its a sport with girls and guys

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so I have some friends who ive been friends with long before I met my girlfriend

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so we sometimes talk about it and whatnot

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or

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sometimes someone will ask If i will be practice to stunt together

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which majority of the time I say no, or that im stunting with my girlfriend

gaunt salmon
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oh! ur gf is an athlete too?

sullen venture
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yes

gaunt salmon
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ohh okii

sullen venture
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sometimes girls from work will text me about shifts

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but I am the ONLY male employee

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its not like they text me coz they want anything more than shifts switch or something

gaunt salmon
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ohhh

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so its also ur current job too right?

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hm thats kind of weird ur the only guy tbh

sullen venture
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yea

gaunt salmon
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i see now if i as in ur gfs shoes i might also be a little uncomfy

sullen venture
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its at a matcha shop

gaunt salmon
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ohhh i thought cheerleading is ur job

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oki oki

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hmm i think the job shifting is okay

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but the one on cheerleading

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i think it is good you dont compete with any other woman

sullen venture
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nono haha

gaunt salmon
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ohh

sullen venture
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I dont, unless I must

gaunt salmon
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sorry i mustve got it wrong

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ohhh oki

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well yeahh

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thats the thing actually

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if you got a choice to say no

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then its good that you did

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it shows you dont have any motive to do such things with another girl

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why are there times tho you have to do it with someone else, is it because ur gf is unavailable or?

sullen venture
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yeah, or at practice

gaunt salmon
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ohhh i see

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yeah in a work contexr such as that it can be difficult, ive met a man whos wife sometimes gets unhappy when he does ballroom because he has another woman as partner

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but thats not his fault or yours

sullen venture
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I really dont care about anyone else

gaunt salmon
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instead i think you just need to give your gf sometime to realize it

sullen venture
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I think she wants to break u

gaunt salmon
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what do you do to show her your love and devotion to her?

sullen venture
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p

gaunt salmon
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why?

sullen venture
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because she doesnt think itll work

gaunt salmon
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...

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.......

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okay unlike her I didnt think like thay

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🥀

sullen venture
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Yeah

gaunt salmon
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has she

sullen venture
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I really do tel lher how much I love her

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her

gaunt salmon
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man:(((

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can I ask what does she do to reciprocate her love to you?

sullen venture
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sorry I got distracted a bit

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She tells me she loves me a lot

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and she shows she cares

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if she cou;d shed spend every moment possible with me

gaunt salmon
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aweee

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😭

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then she probabkly is hurtinf

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my memory is kinda.wonky but I did remember feeling like I wanna break up with my bf but i didnt mean it

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could that be the reason why she said that?

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im sorry for disappearing to man, i was asking about my friendship probpem too