strong tusk
can somebody tell me how friendships when ur an adult are suppossed to feel like?
should u feel like u can tell them anything and be fully comfortable and open or should u be a bit careful with what ur saying and at least a little uncomfortable?
i have a feeling when ur a teen then first thing mentioned applies but when ur an adult close friends like that are very rare, especially new ones.
just to be clear, every single person i met after i turned 18 has made me feel uncomfortable and anxious and like they arent really my friends, and im starting to wonder if people will always be like this now
green moon
tbh ive had my own fair share of "friends" and most are just terrible tbh
i believe the real ones are those that treat you like you are genuinely a person deserving of attention and that they actively seek to understand who you are
most of the people i know rn are just acquaintances
i also tend to have better relationships with older people, like my upperclassmen, rather than those my age in college
green moon
just to be clear, every single person i met after i turned 18 has made me feel u...
and tbh dw that is really normal
strong tusk
so do u have any real friends
green moon
because like you, ive had "friends" too that i thought were friends but nah
green moon
so do u have any real friends
i do actually
but only 2
the rest are just people im acquianted with
strong tusk
but only 2
are they the ones u made in the past or during adulthood
green moon
are they the ones u made in the past or during adulthood
during adulthood
strong tusk
how did u do it?
green moon
how did u do it?
tbh i dont know, we just clicked yknow? they are like older sisters to me and the three of us are different ages
one is 24, the other is 21, im 20
for us here those years have a huge difference since we have different year levels in college
our personalities match well too
i tend to be good friends with people with calmer and kinder personalities
they contrast me because i speak my mind more and I have an attitude
oh aside from the two i befriended someone who is a bit more older and she's like me if I matured correctly
just know that friendships shouldnt make you feel insecure and question why you are with them in the first place
vivid fiber
@strong tusk my friends as an adult were just by chance. Classmates I clicked with, moms from the preschool my kid went to school at, a mom I met in a new mom’s FB group and we decided to meet up. My two cousins. Just whoever you feel comfortable with and can feel motivated to get together with. Are you not outgoing? There’s bumble for friends and stuff. Might be hard to meet ppl as an adult off of Discord. A lot of people make friends through religious organizations and since I’m not religious I started showing up at the Unitarian church- they are super inclusive and accepting of anyone. Humanists.
There’s Meet Up, concerts, etc. might help to make an outgoing friend who would then by nature introduce you to other people. Some of my guy friends just made friends with roommates
strong tusk
yeah i guess i probably need to work harder for it
i think i talked about this before already but most people i meet and try to befriend just dont give me the same energy back
tried to initiate many friendships, invited people for coffee, tried to study with people but none of them ever asked me to do such things again and none of them ever texted me after i texted them etc
it just sucks
vivid fiber
Humans are energy conserving creatures, resource seeking. Unless it gives them something they might not do it again, and matching with someone else’s personality is always hit or miss. I would guess those people either just preferred not going out and doing stuff or their personalities weren’t a good fit for you. I’ve met a ton of people I just never wanted to hang with again and maybe you’ve also met people like that? It’s a tough time to live in, people wanting to be so autonomous. Unless it’s super convenient and the other person is a really good match and offers something with the friendship like shared interests, etc
strong tusk
i guess ill just choose to look at it that way
vivid fiber
But also like even if you don’t have something in common you might be able to entice them if you figure out something they like. My best friend (who ended up being my husband) used to ask if I want to go play scrabble at diners and coffee shops and he knew I was addicted to caffeine lol
And he liked the scrabble so we both go something we wanted out of it
strong tusk
awwww thats so sweet
yeah maybe ur right, although its strange how difficult it is to find them
vivid fiber
Yeah I agree
strong tusk
ive been in uni two years now, dont have a single friend
im not in a situation to ask anybody to simply hang out because im not that close to anybody there
i just failed to form a single friendship
vivid fiber
It’s hard for me too right now. I have an email friend I met through a forum, I have penpals, and the other irl friends have moved away and stuff so really I don’t even have them anymore. But I’m in school as a 35 year old so now I have classmates, we do get together before and after class to chat at school but that’s about it
We try so hard to get together for other stuff but nobody’s schedule ever lines up. But we at least started a group chat
strong tusk
yeah i understand that must feel really lonely
strong tusk
literally no
i would say im an extrovert
i really love hanging out with people and talking
i dont know what happened with me tbh
because in high school i had so many friends
vivid fiber
You also seem to have a good personality. I’m wondering if people around you just don’t really like to hang out or they don’t know what to do with someone who is extroverted. Don’t give up!! 💗
mossy kestrel