When I had gotten with my ex in spring of last year I thought everything was perfect for me. I had been with her a few years prior in a ‘junior high’ relationship so it wasn’t really anything other than holding hands and saying I love you because that’s what relationships were about. We’d broken up after a few months which was fine but eventually after she had left her “toxic” ex, she contacted me a few weeks later. I did see a problem with her switching up so early but I kinda shrugged it off because for the first time in years a girl was actually interested in me romantically so we talked for a week then got together. That’s when everything started to suck. I don’t even know where to start with the shit this girl did. She was extremely manipulative, love bombed the hell out of me in the beginning of our relationship, and lied about some of the most awful things you can lie about. As far as the lies go, she had told me one day that she had something important to tell me and I just kept an open mind as she began to talk but when she had told me she had been S.A.’d by her ex I was angry and just crushed. I hated him with everything in me and tried my best to comfort her about everything. Until I saw the videos. He had been so hurt by her breaking up with him that he felt the need to spread around videos of them having sex and tormented me with them every single time we were in the locker room for my athletics class. He’d shown me text messages of her consenting and even being the one to initiate the idea of having sex with him and I didn’t know what to do. I’m honestly such an idiot for not breaking up with her right then and there but I was too scared of being alone again. Pathetic I know, but I digress.
#Dating my manipulative ex ruined my confidence
prisma ocean
After I had tried to push all of that behind me I just forgave her and never even confronted her about what it. As far as her manipulation, she guilt tripped me about every little thing. I accidentally looked at another girl? "If you wanna go talk to her it's fine. I get it." I didn't wanna come over for the 5th day in a row to hang out with her because I'm tired?
"That's fine I guess I'll just stay alone like l always do." So on and so fourth. She did it about every single little thing. She'd made me feel so bad about saying no to her it had felt like I was a terrible person for saying it. And as far as other things she'd done, constantly saying "do you not love me anymore?", "why do you not love me anymore?" Just stuff like that.
And the worst of the manipulation came to sex.
I wanted to wait until marriage, so when she found out after she had tried to escalate things from just making out, she'd said this. "Do you not wanna do it because you think I'm disgusting? It's ok if you do I understand." And she'd gone on and on until eventually I folded and touched her. I never wanted to and I felt completely ashamed after but I just couldn't say no. Luckily I had the will to never let it go to ACTUAL sex, but she made me feel bad about it every time we'd do anything else.
This cycle went on for almost 7 months until I finally found the courage to break up with her. That was a whole battle on its own. She'd also use her past of cutting herself against me and would say things to me like "if we weren't together I wouldn't be alive." That scared me. It had taken me almost a month to write her mom a message about asking what I should do and she was my saving grace. That women helped me through the breakup process and without her who knows if l'd have done it or not.
Anyways after the breakup I had felt so much better about so many things, but when it came to other areas like my social skills and confidence, they'd be completely destroyed.
It's been almost a year since l've broken up with her but my confidence is almost non existent and my social skills are just pathetic. I have a hard time talking to anyone I don't know, even simple things like cashiers and fast food employees. It gives me anxiety to talk to anyone new and I hate it. Unrelated but I had also found out through a few others that during our relationship she had met up with her ex who I talked about earlier to have sex with him because I wasn't doing it. That's all I really have to say. I've been holding this all to myself for so long and needed to vent.
raven heath
hey, u are extremely brave for sharing such a thing and also brave for managing to finally break up with such a person.
the first important step is standing up for urself and having courage to finally say no and stop her from stepping all over u.
her trying to manipulate u into intercourse and possibly threatening u with suicide explains everything u need to know about her as a person.
so give urself credit for finally cutting ties with such an emotional abuser.
u are very brave and many many people fail to do even that.
second step is healing. it seems to me like this relationship really left a scar and im really sorry about what ur going through rn.
have u considered therapy?
i think it would be useful to u since ur carrying such an emotional baggage that is obviously affecting ur everyday life.
i think it would be the right choice for u since these problems most likely wont go away on their own