#Relationship vent

71 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

frozen imp
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Honestly I have never really done this therapy thing but I dont really have anybody to talk to about this who wont just tell me to "break up" because thats not an option for me because I am happy with her. When we first got together on June 30th, we were fine and happy till july 10th, when her ex added her, her and this ex had been together on and off for a year and 3 months and had last dated in around january time. She got with me but beforehand I made sure to ask her if she was completely over her ex and she had told me she was, on july 10th her ex added her and she wanted to accept his friend request to see what he wanted, I was skeptical but I allowed her to do so as long as she showed me, he then proceeded to message her saying that he missed her, she then stopped showing me the messages and said they were "private" and said she wouldnt unadd him because it didnt feel right, so I broke up with her. Then we stayed broken up till 5th august this month, however from july 10th till now we kind of stayed as a talking stage, she had told me that she didnt realise she still missed him till he added her again and it makes me feel sick, she still misses him, she has made it clear she chose me and that shes happy with me and wouldnt get back with him even if she had the opportunity to, she still does miss him a little as I ask her every so often but I still dont know what to do, I overthink it so much even though shes reassured me many times

solar blade
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so let me get this straight

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ur gf misses her ex, told u she misses him, and breaking up is not an option to u?

frozen imp
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She was with this guy for a long time, she tells me how she misses him a little, but reassured me that its me she chose and doesnt want anything to do with him.

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But overall we are very happy together and we do love eachother a lot

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I understand the feeling with pass with time but as of right now it just hurts to think about

solar blade
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u are willing to be with someone who misses their ex a "little"?

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and is willing to msg them and keep the texts from u?

frozen imp
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shes removed him

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shes removed him a few weeks ago

solar blade
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and u think she wont do it again?

frozen imp
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I know shes loyal and I know if she were to ever lose feelings she would tell me, or break up with me herself

solar blade
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brother i have some advice for u ok so listen carefully

frozen imp
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I really didnt come to vent about something to be disrespected

solar blade
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nah bro im not tryna disrespect u but what im saying is that girl is disrespecting YOU i dont understand why u trust her

frozen imp
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She has not lied to me about anything

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she has been very straight forward and truthful with me

solar blade
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she was secretive

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listen bro u do u, all im trying to say is if i was in the same situation, she wouldve broken my trust already

frozen imp
solar blade
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she said her msgs with her ex were "private".....

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the ex she has been seeing on and off..

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what else could that possibly mean dude

frozen imp
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because they have things to do with their past relationship

solar blade
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bingo

frozen imp
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If I thought anything bad of it I wouldve left myself

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clearly i havent

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if you have nothing actual helpful to say just dont reply

simple schooner
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honestly, after you saying how you don’t want people to tell you to end it, it tells us that you want some sort of affirmation to keep this relationship up

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but the truth is there isn’t

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What has happened has already happened there’s no changing the past

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So it seems to me that you’re left with two options: to just keep the relationship as is or just move on

solar blade
simple schooner
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personally I’m not saying this to attack you or anything; I’m just saying there’s not much you can do

frozen imp
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It just makes me sick

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But other than that everything is actually perfect

wild tree
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lets not say this, this is unrespectfull and i find it rude too.
keep this chat respectfull.

frozen imp
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Theres never any conversation about her ex or anything like that its just the thought of her feeling that way

simple schooner
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yeah I get what you mean, there’s a reason for the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” (not saying she cheated but you know what I mean)

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there’s always the possibility that she might do it again

solar blade
frozen imp
simple schooner
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yeah a lot of people call it micro-cheating

faint mist
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i know this isn’t what you wanna hear, but she isn’t ready for a relationship at all. She isn’t over her ex, she going to keep comparing you to her ex that she misses and that’s not fair to you. yes you are happy with her, but that shouldn’t be the only reason you stay with her.

this is very disrespectful towards you. you are currently trying to build something with her and she’s still stuck in the past. she needs to be single so she can get over that ex and you do not need to be dating someone who doesn’t value to the point of thinking of texting an ex.

if you are dating someone and you truly love them, you wouldn’t even dare to think about texting an ex. ask yourself right now would you go text your ex for anything? no you wouldn’t, so why is she.

frozen imp
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She wasnt ready for a relationship then and had now said she is

faint mist
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then you DO NOT need to be dating her. SHEEEE shouldn’t be dating ANYONE right now

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this isn’t okay

solar blade
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i mean she clearly isnt serious about u dude just leave her

faint mist
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while she may think she is, her actions are showing that she truly isn’t ready for a relationship

frozen imp
solar blade
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nobody will tell u to stay u can ask anybody

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we understand and thats because u see everything thru pink colored lenses rn, u cannot see any red flags

simple schooner
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I’m not gonna lie tho if you’re really 16-17, I say do what you feel like doing

faint mist
simple schooner
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youll either learn a tough lesson or maybe she really did make a mistake

faint mist
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you are also young, you have plenty of life and love to give to the world, this won’t be the end of your life or the end of love for you, you need to understand that this isn’t what love should look like.

you need to get this through your head that this behavior isn’t okay

frozen imp
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I understand its just insanely difficult, how do I go about doing something about this

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I dont do well with break ups at all, my last relationship was around a year and 6 months and it absolutely broke me for months

simple schooner
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just tell her what you’ve said here

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how it’s eating away at you everyday

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easier said than done though I agree

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if you really plan to breakup, I’d also recommend doing it in person

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It may sound counterintuitive but it gives her the courtesy

frozen imp
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honestly i couldnt do that

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id end up freezing up

faint mist
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breaks up aren’t easy they never are but this one very necessary, you will feel hurt and that’s normal.

let yourself feel hurt but remind yourself why you aren’t with that person anymore. you can of course miss her and care about her from afar but realize that it’s better to be separated then together

frozen imp
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thank you for the advice