uhh just need some advice my girlfriend says im too clingy but i give her space and i feel like im always doing what she wants when it comes to comformality like after arguments i like to talk it out but she likes to take space and we do that then never get to talk it our and shit yk and like we're on break now cause apparently im too clingy and she wants me to work on being more independant and i get it but also like she likes to take space for hours cause she'll "always respond eventually" and i get that but i update her when shes gone and takin g soace and she thinks thats too clingy but when shes gone for hours im obviously gonna miss her and idk this is very messy if more context is needed lmk 😭😭😭
#relationship issues
spare charm
merry ice
being on a "break" because u like to text and spend time with ur gf is insane
idk what ur values are, but for me personally id get sick of her shit because if im showing my love to somebody and thwyre bothered by it and feel the need to take breaks from the relationship because of it, i would leave
maybe talk to her about it more, try to communicate
u deserve somebody who would be as clingy as u are
spare charm
i do try and communicate tbh but she never lets especially after arguments we js take the space she wants but doesnr wnana talk about it after just pretends nothings wrong and italked to her about that too but nothings changed. It does get kind if tiring but i hinestly really do lover her alot and want this to workout
and at one point she was as clingy as me ig
but now she says its not healthy to depend on someone else which i absolutely get
But also im not rlly depending on her, she says she wants me to be confident and happy but i rlly cant when whenever we do get to talk shes lwk uninterested and dry and it makes me feel sad yk
we took the break bc we both wanna work on ourselves
she says she shoulda put her boundaries uo a while ago
bht her boundaries are to not text her alot give her alot of space and not baby her
which is lwk just asking me to change how i love
and i understand she changed for me too bc i ask for updates and reassurance and she used to not to that before because im her first boufriend and her family and friends are all very distant and cold
but like its hard
and i get im draining her but its also draining me
but i also dont wanna leave
I wanr to work it out with her
so idk what to do
how to even feel
merry ice
i understand what ur saying but tbh it seems to me like u guys are two very different people who love differently.
it feels like u guys are two puzzle pieces which are trying to fit each other but cant so now u are both breaking ur pieces off trying to match.
honestly, u can try to talk to her again and take breaks and all that but forcing urself to change in order to please ur partner wont ever feel comfortable.
im sure there is somebody out there who will match ur energy a lot better.
but again, if u want the relationship ur currently in to work out, in my opinion it will be very difficult, especially because ur gf seems like she isnt good at communicating nor does she wanna talk about the past arguments and just swipes everything under the rug, plus i get wanting space and all that but i really dont understand why anybody who truly loves ur company would ever complain about getting messages from u.
it seems to me like she is really cold (im not saying thats her fault, shes probably just that kind of person) and u are the exact opposite, so u see why i mean itll be difficult to keep it going.
so u can: stay with her but not be ur true self or leave her and potentially find somebody who loves the same way u do and be ur true self
u can decide for urself whats more important to u
spare charm
mmm i really do see what youre saying its just kinda hard letting her go idk why but i really do feel like i love her yk and it may be for the best that we part ways
but also like were both tryna fix it
but
youre rigut
we are two different people yk
and this is js so conflicting
cause i love her and dont wanna leave her but i also very much see your point and see how it'd be better off to let go
steady halo
yeah leaving is the tough part
but it is up to you anyways
maybe talk to her about it as well
transparency is key
spare charm
yeahh i think i'll talk to her
not today
but soon cause i also js want soace tn
space rn
steady halo
yeah good idea
Take the time to really think about it but also don’t overthink it too much
merry ice
np bro update us
spare charm
yes ofc
she texted me that she misses me and js wants to take space so we can work things out and come back stronger
😏
steady halo
All good, just make sure you talk to her about what we’ve discussed here so you don’t have reoccurring issues
spare charm
mm akrr bet
we talked for a bit saying how we both want the space to work stuff out
and then we both said i love you
then bye
hot orchid
@spare charm You gotta break up with her. You're on a "break" and is she even updating you? She possibly is talking to another guy on the side. You deserve someone who treats you way better. Someone who genuinely loves you will not be denying you of your love language.
Whether you still have hope to make it all work, then, My guy, you gotta put your foot down and take the lead. You're already consistent with her and patient with her, She needs to learn to respect how you love and you.
spare charm
Well recently we've been talking alot more and calling and even had really long conversation last night, she said she likes where were at right now because we talk but still give eachother space, and that shes sorry that she didnt put this boundary up sooner (keep in mind this is her first relationship) she was also telling me that she misses me but just needs time to trust that it wont just go back to how it used to be (because i was suggesting ending the break and continue on how we are right now, not bombarding with texts snd calling when we both r free). Honestly this break made me realize that i am overly clingy and somewhat depended on her and ive been trying to change that and its working for the modt part, yes i miss her but not texting updating all the time also is a sigh of relief although she never asked for it i did it on my own and i guess that was just because i was attached, but now im like becoming more free ig? While sitll loving her. And as for the guy on the side i dont think thats it, she seems genuienly sweet but just complicated because this is her first relationship, her family is cold and so are her friends so shes never been clingy or lovey dovey or shown love like that and its difficult for her bc im a big chance i was very clingy and honestly attached and she tried to adjust to my way of showing affection but it built up and she couldnt handle it ig. And thats okay, ive realized rhat i was very overwhelming. Honestly i think the break is doing us good because we still talk but give eachother alot of space.
I did tell her we have to try and compromise because although i like the space i still like talkinf to her so we agreed that when the break is over like we would text and talk often, and in person nothing would rlly change cause she likes how we are (friends and lovers).
Also the reason the break hasnt ended is because she needs time to trust that im actually gonna change because in the oast ive told her i would and give her more space (which i did, but right now its a whole different level, like hours without talking, which at first was hard ti adapt too but it feels fine now.) and so since it wasnt that big of a chance she needs time to trust that im telling the truth which i completely understabd, and i need time too to truly see that ses working on her communication skills because as i said before all shes surrounded by is cold and non verbal people and so she adopted that yk? But yeah i dont want to break up
@hot orchid
And tbh it feels less like a break but more like a switch in the relationship, we still talk and laugh and do couple things but we just giving eachother more space while working on ourselves and fix the things that were rocking the relationship
hot orchid
You both sound like friends more than a couple tbh