#mochi little diary
20 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
Ive been struggling with my ||self harm lately||,ive been thinking of burning myself using a ||cig|| everyrime i ||smoke|| im scared of relapsing again i think when i did itll end up badly because when i do it does usually end up like that
i went to a tennis tournamemt today too, and one of my triggers came the same person that ||SAd|| me when i was a kid, my uncle and i pretend everything is okay even though i was shaking and flinch everytime he talks
i went with my friend today she got her hair done and she looks pretty, she always does and idk why she saif shes not
i also feel empty again today, numb, i do this everytime im alone idk why idek who am i anymore again
okay lets start fresh ill try to stop smoking and see where itll goes and see how long will i survive wo it
okay im a fucking failure
not even a day and i alrd feeling numb again, took 5 fuckjng cig and im gonna take another one maybe or maybe not
im so tired of ts, of cant control
smh
if you guys have any tips on how to actually stop smoking for awhile please help me
my days is so shitty, just days of labour and labour for some spare money i use for cigs and more cigs smh
nothing is ever come out for being alive, my university life is doomed, my country is done, and life is basically over with no more sense of self anymore im so done i might actually try again
my mom is starving me today
she denied me food and lately been gaslighting me too, giving me cold shoulders and ignoring me
she always said im the reason shes happy but i feel like thats a lie. she also been taking my phone away for now idk why shes doing tht
she also been hitting me more often. face belly legs idk why she did that to her so called "happiness"
i feel useless today
my mom asked me to cook today but i was out and when i got home i felt sick and idk why i slept i couldve cook
and my sleep wasnt good either i dreamt abt going to mental hospital again
i cut today
i feel numb because my mom is overly nice i think and ended up cutting because i was scared ahe will turn on me like usual. shes as i know is very unpredicatable and today i cut to get a hold of myself
i was clean since like forever and now i harmed myself again. actually i did burn myself 2 days ago just because
my mom make me feel like shit today
my mom said im useless because i cant ever give her money but i dont even work and when i do have money i cant give it to her, because i have my own needs, like gas, food, etc
and then the cherry on top is she said "think again" with a rough ass voice that stabs me deep making me feel even more like shit. i mean she couldve just asked for money but she never ask for it so im lost here... im having suicidal thoughts again because of this and maybe self harm again
i got complimented today
thanks to feifei i feel much better about myself becausw i got complimented and also my mom idk why stopped beating me which isnr ao good because i wont be able to get any evidence anymore...
IM SO HYPER TOFAYYYBM FFUHHHH
IM LITERALLY SO HYPER I THJNK I CAN THAKD OVER THE WORDLD RN AND I WANNA FIHNT SOMSIN EI FEEK SO INVINVBLE MWAHHAHAHA
i got back w my friend today
i feel so happy thats it idk what ekse to add im numb rn
my grandpa hit me today becausw im not helping my grandma, is it my obligation to help her because shes not asking for my help or anything. plus shes watering her plants which is what shes enjoy doing. and another thing, theres someone buying some propane (im a propane seller) outside and he hits me again becausw i cant hear them. is it really my fault
my coutry is fucked
everythings fucked in this forsaken country. economy, people, tradition, everything is. idek where to start
well someone just got killed by a police and the nees got viral on everywhere even the president apologizes and such but then again still.
theres also things thag made me feel down today so much things thwt make me feel down