#I've honestly just accepted my fate TW: $h

15 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

solar socket
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I can't feel anything, like even when I feel something negative, especially when I'm crying, it's just my body's way of telling me it knows something I don't because of years of suppressed memories and emotions. I don't have any plans after graduation, I don't even plan or want to graduate. I've accepted the fact that I'm always going to feel this way, I'm always going to $h to feel something, I'm always going to manipulate and lie and pretend to be different versions of myself because I don't know who I truly am.

I've given up on help because of my parents and I've stopped venting to close friends about stuff this personal. I just don't think they can handle it or they just don't care. Nobody is good enough for me and this is just who I am. I've tried journalling, writing, but I just don't have the time for those anymore because of school. I make up stories and draw and cook and bake, but its like a part of me died and you just get to a point where you know you're too far gone to be helped, so life should just be trolled instead. I just want to feel like all the people I hate and manipulate and all the bad things I do are valid and its not "Just an angsty teen rebellious phase". This is actual depression and I've given up on so many things now

modern knoll
# solar socket I can't feel anything, like even when I feel something negative, especially when...

man don't accept shit
this isn't the way to go, and this isn't 'fate'.
it sucks to not know where you're going. it sucks to not have any plans or desires. it sucks to feel numb. it sucks to not have an outside support system.

while i havent been in your exact situation, i know how it feels to mentally feel isolated, and im sorry ur going thru that. and im sorry u feel like resorting to sh it the only way you'll feel any sense of feeling. but the reason y u dont find any desiire in random lesiure activities is because you've already mentally instilled that this is 'your fate' when it's bs.

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don't fall into that trap man, please. i get there's many things and many problems to address, but none of them will even reach the first step to resolution if you dont get that 'accepting of fate' out of your head

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and i get it's hard, i mean, t's so easy for me to tell u to do this, but it's unfortunately the first step to healing

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pls respond

solar socket
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Sry I fell asleep last night

solar socket
modern knoll
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nd i feel like u already know that

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so heres the next thing,
u know healing isnt simple even tho id imagine u probably would want it to be, but jus bc healing is a hard path, its definitely easier than the path to staying the same nd refraining from change

solar socket
modern knoll
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do not be afraid to dive into the cluster of problems, as they will never magically separate or be resolved if left alone

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maybe they could be, but its safe not to wait

solar socket