spiral oyster
The last week has felt off and I even asked if she was seeking someone else or something else, she assured me everything was ok. On the 1st it was my birthday and we didn’t do anything she sat around on her phone most the day while I felt with our 3 kids.
That night while I was sleeping next to her she was on Reddit posting pictures in her underwear and asking for guys to dm her. I woke up and found out immediately and tried to ask her about it. She acknowledged how stupid it was but doesn’t understand why she even did it. She says she is still very attracted to me sexually and everything. We have talked about exploring different experiences and she was always firm on not being ready for that yet. I feel like I’m extremely open and communicative in our relationship and I have always tried to put her needs first. I still love her so much but she has been making it hard to move forward. She keeps finding things I did wrong when I was deeply broken and angry and in survival mode. She keeps getting mad at me for talking to people about it instead of keeping it “isolated”. I’m trying my best to navigate this with grace and honor to show our kids what strength is. It seems like I’m the one trying to fix it and she keeps throwing fits.
I have learned to love myself. I don’t fear being alone, I fear showing my kids the same patterns that damaged my wife and I.
oak onyx