vast laurel
I am trying to break the cycle of my dysfunctional family. They make me the scapegoat because I am the only one who wants to address issues instead of brushing them under the carpet. This emotional and physical abuse has been going on for over a decade now. I am tired of being the only one willing to make a change. I am the youngest too so sometimes I’ll amount it to a generational disparity but it’s not just that. I feel like it’s them protecting their toxic environment because that’s what they ‘know’. My eldest brother, 11 years older, is a drug addict/alcoholic and financial strain on the family. He has physically and verbally abused me in the past. I had a restraining order against him which my family blackmailed me into dropping due to his other ongoing charges. My mother coddles him (it shows in the family dog that she refuses to let me train because she projects my eldest brother onto the dog) she has also been secretly medicated for bipolar disorder by my father, who has an avoidant personality. He knows things have to change but he cannot stop financing the eldest brothers whims and fancies. I have had enough as it has infringed upon my tuition. How am I supposed to get out of here if I can’t finish university? There are mounds of events that have occurred in the past that are not fair. I have been trying to find peace in this toxic environment to no avail. I have another brother who is 10 years older than me and is a lawyer. He is constantly pulled into every situation that erupts between myself and other family members. He uses psychological tactics to silence and control me. My mother pulls him in to gang up on me as I refuse to play along with their dysfunction. I cannot deal with this environment and be a functional human being. They have me convinced that I’m the crazy one but I know deep down that that’s not true. I need to be around people who understand and consider me & my feelings but I fail to maintain such relationships. I need help.
crystal gate