3 years long love with a hint of schizofrenia

[thorn wasp]

Hey, so I have been in a LDR for over three years. We were happy, although he was sometimes struggling with his mental health. After 3 years, I finally got him to try getting professional help - therapy and even medication, cause he was getting suic!dal thoughts (even though he promised me he would never bc he wants a future with me). When we started dating, we were just 16 and now are 19, so you can imagine how hard meeting eachother was. I was able to meet him once a month, but obvi it is not enough. I have been here to help him through everything, but I feel like the medication caused an unrepairable mess - after getting help, it just got worse. He does not mention suicide now, BUT he sees shadow people and hears them CONSTANTLY. That was not an issue even few days ago. I am really scared, because he refuses to go out, does not sleep and lives in an extreme state of paranoia, always thinking someone is going to hurt him. He wont even open the door for his own mother in fear that she is a fake. I really need advice on what to do to help him at least a little. I offer him calls, non-stop mental health support through SMS, I even stay up all night to "protect" him - but its obvious that since we are LDR I cannot be with him rn physically and protect him. He is utterly lost in his world full of danger and pain, always searching for something suspicious (even a hoodie, a smile, a person looking at him). It is really getting hard for me and I do not want to leave him, he is my whole world. I feel honestly really guilty for getting him some sort of help, cause I feel like it hurt him instead.

[lethal flare]

do you tell him all these stuff are "fake" and keep reminding him that? Or do you agree that what he sees is real and try "protect" him

[thorn wasp]

I try to remind him that they are his own creations out of fear, that there is no reason to feeel endangered. However he started to trust them a lot, saying things like that I should be grateful that they're trying to protect him otherwise he would be dead (he wouldn't, he lives in a really safe area, there really is no danger). Also mentions how my reality is beautiful and he envies me, but that i'm the one naive

Honestly I know that I can't really do much, but it's new for me. It came really fast, from no shadows even a few days ago to seeing them constantly and hearing voices. I don't really know how to help him more or how to come to terms with this new reality of his. It tears my heart apart and I blame myself for getting him medication that probably caused this whole thing

[lethal flare]

Although I cant help you much about the topic, I just want to let you know that you shouldnt feel guilty at all for reaching out and getting help for him. All it shows it that you truly love him and care for him so much. None of this is your fault, the medication wouldve been very clear if it did cause these side effects. You helped him and you didnt do anything wrong for getting the help needed.

[<@&993332385670246420> does anyone know anything that may help]

[thorn wasp]

Tbh I'm really scared. I never expected this, and I'm kind of scared that maybe I caused something i can't repair. What if this medication will affect him for life? What if I really fcked up for "forcing" him to get help? I never wanted this, and I would prefer a hundred times our past conversations about life's meaning before not sleeping and fighting with shadows. I just want my sweet boy back, he even fears to come see me because something is "going to k!ll him". It's really complicated, because he's always been the one to come see me and i'm not really allowed to do that since I have stricter parents that would not understand that I want to stay with him trough this. They would just say that I'm ruining my youth, but I sincerely love him. I'm not even sure that they won't recognize that something's wrong with him when he'll be looking everywhere and shaking.

[lethal flare]

how sure are you that the medication did this? It seems to me it has been bothering you a lot. Surely the person that prescribed the medicine would know if it caused this

[thorn wasp]

Not really sure, but this was not an issue beforehand. He did have bad thoughts about himself, but no shadow people, no whispering in his ears. The issue is also that his doctor has a vacation (yes, very bad timing) and is able to take him in a month from now. A month! It has been a few days and its terrible. He called in and tried to ask for help, and he said to double the dosage - will that not make everything worse? I guess I am scared to trust his doctor after this and support him in taking double. I am really just scared that I will lose him.

[lethal flare]

this happened right after he started taking those medications right? you could try maybe getting into online contact with is doctor?

[thorn wasp]

not instantly, but it did not occur before at all. it was like he is slowly losing himself and now it escalated rapidly. his doctor wont accept calls or anything, since he is on a vacation (he only accepted the call because it was one day before his vacation) and i feel like i am now all alone in this matter and dont know which option to choose to try to help him. Force him to go to a different doctor that doesnt know him and is like an hour away when he is scared of going outside? But what if he perscibes something that will make that even worse? Just stay and be there for him? Support him in taking double the dosage?

[lethal flare]

I really hope things gets better for you guys

Do you think the doctor is a credible person i.e. safe? Also, why cant his mother potentially seek a different doctor if thats an option? But please dont blame yourself for anything