#my little scrap journal

50 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

wispy sapphire
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hi my journal
TW: || SA, SH, SUICIDE, BULLYING ||

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JULY 24TH

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today went alr ig, had footbalm practice and talked to my friends

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nothing note worthy had dinner basically it

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i wanna talk about whats on my mind tho

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yesterday i tried to kill myself but i didnt go through with jt

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I stole my mom's car and told her I was heading to the store

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I went down to a nearby lake and jumped in, i tried to drown myself but instead last minute i got ouf

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i didnt tell anyone and just told her my friends went out to the lake and i met with them at the stire

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i felt like a loser

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i couldnt even end myself

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ive been wanting to do this for a while

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since like i was 10 sadly

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i always felt so fucked up

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and i dont know

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i didnt like my friends at the time and i had online school and couldnt talk to anyone

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i bedrotted and played video games all day

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then my little sister was born and i decided not to, to not be the awkward thing that comes up when she turns 18

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my dad told me about his sister who commited and i didnt want my sister to only remember me of that

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i feel so anxious and i only have 2 friends

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i stopped hanging out with my majn grouo a week ago and told them to fuck off

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i never wanna be like

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depressed and suicidal again

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i do everything those how to get hr mental health up

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i go the gym every weekday

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im active

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i have a girlfriend

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i have a job

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i have a reason to live

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and i have people who love me

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idk whh i feel like this

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ive never really gotten bullied extreme but im so sensitive

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like someones said smth to me the other day and the whole day i thought about it

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i acted like it didnt affecf me and insulted them back

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we were all just joking

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but man

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fuck bro

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idk how to do this

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ive never a tually journaled

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i did it once in ELA

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but

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i didnt complete it

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i dont really want to admit this

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but it might be a big part of my reason to kill myself

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and its that i sent nude photos of myself like a year ago

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everyone in my close group found out but it all got swept under

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no one talks about it

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but ik some people still have jt

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and my mom js very protective of me

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i got sa'd at a young age by my preschool teacher