Basically, theres this girl I'm friends with. We're gna call her toy girl. At school we are like friends yeah and were in like a trio and stuff but she isn't like one of my closest friends because we were never in the same class, we just became friends through mutuals.
We are like jokingly freaky to each other in the trio bc its like our humor and shit (not like in a really weird way) like this is like normal like the "im gna touch u stuff" like not in like a serious way
I don't know how this happened and it obviously doesn't have relation to the jokingly freaky stuff because thats just like weird, but like she laughs at my jokes and I've found myself liking spending time with her increasingly till I caught feelings.
Obviously you'd think this is normal but
I'm a girl.
I've never felt like this about a girl before, like I've only liked guys and she is always talking about this guy she likes and it HURTS.
The reason I call her toy girl is because I was talking about it to one of my online friends and I didn't want to admit that I liked girls first so I said I'm gonna explain why I was acting off in like a different way:
Imagine your a little kid walking the streets, and you walk past a toy store. You see your dream toy, its not a animal you would usually like for stuffed animals but for some reason you wanted it so bad, but its ridicoulus for a small girl for you to have it because its like really big and its just weird for a little kid to have a huge toy.
Like it actually hurts so bad she sends me tiktoks about like "may you get huzz when you iteract with this video" and like bro.
I just can't fucking handle it anymore like I am feeling blessed its summer I just don't wanna go back
I've told two of my online friends about this but I've just been mostly bottling it up
Idfk what to do with myself like its made me start to hate myself like and its not anything I can control but it just hurts so bad
#Toy girl
kind python
fringe quail
Don't hate yourself for this, it doesn't make you weird or wrong at all. It's okay to feel confused or hurt when you catch feelings for someone you didn't expect, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.
It really sucks when they like someone else, I get that, but your feelings are still valid and real. Try to be kind to yourself right now. You didn't choose this, and bottling it up just makes it heavier. Talking to your online friends, or even journaling might help get some of it out.
About "toy girl", you don't have to confess anything if it doesn't feel right. If it hurts to much being so close, it's okay to pull back a little and protect your heart. Try to enjoy the friendship for what it is, but set boundaries if the flirty jokes or hearing about her crush make it worse. Right now, focus on your own feelings first. What you need matters too. 💜