#I feel like a crappy boyfriend right now...

34 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

tough kelp
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I keep messing up without even realizing it, and now it’s all piling up. I’ve been thinking a lot about the stuff I say to her—these inappropriate jokes that she says she's fine with, but I feel like I'm pushing her away. I mean, they’re jokes (mostly... 😅), but I’m really starting to worry that I’ve been making her uncomfortable.

That’s the last thing I ever want to do. I never want her to feel like I only care about that kind of stuff or that I’m pressuring her into something. I seriously hate the idea that I could be crossing any lines, even unintentionally. I just… get caught up in the teasing and the flirting, and now I’m afraid I’ve gone too far.

And it’s not just that. I feel like I’ve been bugging her and pestering her to play games with me too much. Like I’m being clingy or annoying or even manipulative without meaning to be. I swear I’m not trying to guilt her or anything—I just miss her. Spending time with her like that means a lot to me, and I guess I just keep trying to recreate those moments without realizing how it might feel from her side.

The worst part? I feel like I’m not enough. Like she’s going to realize she deserves someone better—someone who isn’t so insecure or emotionally needy or awkward. I love her so much, and I just want to make her happy… but I feel like I’m failing at it. Like I’m the problem.

I don’t know. I just really hope I haven’t made her regret loving me. That’s what’s killing me the most.

compact dome
tough kelp
compact dome
tough kelp
compact dome
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how does she usually respond to these jokes you make?? is it like a “oh.. okay!” or does she actually make these kind of jokes back

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i figure its the first one right?

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@tough kelp

tough kelp
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It's kind of a shocked text, like an, Oh... haha, okay then, and then she makes a joke later or something.

compact dome
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oh yeah okay let me cook rq

tough kelp
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Also sorry, I was watching youtube lol

compact dome
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all good

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not to alarm you, but coming from the girl in this situation shes just being nice. when you make these kind of jokes, all its telling her is that you prioritise sex and that your basically counting down and waiting for it to happen. (not to say its wrong for you to want that obviously, natural hormones n allat), im just saying cut down on the jokes unless she responds to it well. because with girls, esp at like teen years, intimacy is like an important thing that girls want to share with someone special. most teenage girls are looking for someone who can actually be there for her innocently & love her personality before giving that up, and even then its highly unlikely a girl would want to do that at 14-15. im not saying it isnt as important to guys, but like if your joking about it constantly and have actively let her know you want that you can kinda see how she would think it’s something you’d be willing to do instantly you know?

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also that kind of act opens her up to backlash that boys dont get as much, slutshaming yk. im not saying you’d go around and tell people, but when a guy does this sort of thing hes praised for it, whereas if a girl does the same thing shes called every name under the sun. it takes a huge amount of trust

tough kelp
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I've been cutting down recently, and it's no more than just light jokes about some more mildly inappropriate stuff, but she does say, like I said, she likes when I do it, I just feel like her reactions and what she says don't quite line up...

compact dome
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id try to avoid the sex jokes tbh. there are other ways to be funny

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all its telling her is that u view it as an expectation

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at 14-15 girls want a genuine teenage love, if all ur doing is cracking jokes about sex then she may feel like ur just waiting for her to give herself up and then dip

tough kelp
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I understand

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I must ask, is it alright if I share what you said with her? Ask if she has a different outlook? Or if what you say is true? Because I do, want to make her happy, and feel genuinely loved, and I want to communicate with her about this.

compact dome
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go ahead, at least in my experience and my knowledge of having like women friendships and being a woman myself its unlikely shes gonna want to give it up at this age. 🤷‍♀️ i could easily be wrong though

tough kelp
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"Okay- I mean, at first? Yes- And the things she said about the names can be true-.. but- at first, there were moments, where I did- And the girl can call herself those names which just goes into her thoughts- which did become a thought as well- because other people call her things, it can get to your head and make you think those things- Because I was used, to guys seeing it as an expectation that honestly it did hurt a bit when people make them too much. But- I do appreciate you doing them lightly. It's not that I don't like them or you- and it's not that I'm just being nice. They make me giggle and blush- But when it gets too much it can become saddening. And you made me feel acknowledged and loved.
For a starter relationship, I without a doubt agree with her.
And if it becomes an overwhelming amount, it kinda hurts and makes the girl feel like he doesn't want to spend time with her unless it's that type of talk
But I'm happy, and you make me feel comfortable- I like the jokes, and I like the talks, because I know that sure while you mean them- you're also being, silly. It made me become comfortable with making those types of jokes too- and they always make me laugh,
And it isn't, constantly- we spend time together, we talk about important things, we play games together- and sometimes we have moments where it becomes funny or fun like that and those make me happy,
So in this situation? No- I mean the jokes I say- I'm not just being nice,
But when it gets too much? Yes. Because I have, in older situations with other people, felt pressured to continue the situation. Because it was making them happy but it just further broke our relationship. But you, made me comfortable. And I know well enough that if I start to feel like that I can communicate that with you,
I agree with her where I have been in situations where I have been pushed and it broke my relationships-
Because if I had communicated that I felt uncomfortable, they would've left."

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She also said you were smart, and she quite liked you lol

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"Also, the fact that she understands wanting a genuine teenage love- I'm honestly really glad, someone says it. But- I am not just saying those things to be nice. I do like them. And they make me giggle and flustered and blush. And I am not, lying to you. I am not. Please, don't stop them- I will communicate with you when I get uncomfortable with that because you showed me it's okay to say no"

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I have a bit of an idea to pull from this, but I want to hear what you think first @compact dome

compact dome
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man your all good!!!

tough kelp
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:))

compact dome
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listen to what she has said

tough kelp
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Okay

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I will

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Thank you so much

compact dome
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ofc