Everything is crumbling. Ive been dormant, trapped in these walls for the past 4 months after juvie. Going to works weird, I cant talk I don’t know how to talk to other people, their life’s feel as boring as mine. I am missing out on so much, probation is dreading, days wasted, hours to days to months to get off probation and be empty like when I was in the cell.
High ambitions but no power to act, no determination to leave the hole I’ve dug.
Im very lonely, felt like my circle was huge then the next day 0. At your lowest you can see vividly who is fake by their actions. They were using you for small thing that overtime took big things from you, fakes I hate fake people. Isnt that point of other people to help each other, the idea of solving another’s problems before your own is a rare trait that humans have that makes us different from animals, but most backstab like animals.
Other people have their own life’s problems going on and I still feel like the only one, am I a narcissist? Im not rude to people so why do I always think about my self and not others? Maybe being alone so long has made me forget about others problems.
Thankfully the gyms been helping alot with my mind. The shadows are a little less scary I haven’t seen any “figures” in a while but my tempers been getting a lot worse. Getting mad over small things, I hate getting mad at small things its like in the moment its impossible to stop, to control, to understand the situation.
My family has history of bipolar on both sides, its a little scary, I wanna make sure my symptoms are not placebo from knowing the family history, I dont want medication, it reminds me of my druggie days before juvie. Haven’t smoked since then, alcohol I have though and it seems to make thinks peaceful and quiet but Ive seen the effects it does to people, alcoholism is very scary, a lot of people down play how bad it is.
#Main character?
shrewd sapphire
Even 4 months after hobby still dont feel pleasing, nothings fun because Ive had drugs so early so nothing can compare to those feelings.
Gym is the only hobby I get happiness from, someday things should get better.