#all or nothing

1 messages · Page 9 of 1

ashen pecan
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glad to know im not alone 🙏

glass tundra
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or people talking to me

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but when people talk too much i get annoyed

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idek what im about

ashen pecan
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well theres always too much to too little of something

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its just a personal preference when it comes to those things

ashen pecan
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😭

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half of the itme when im talking here i dont know what im on

glass tundra
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cause like i love being alone

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but i also hate being alone and miss social interactions when im alone

ashen pecan
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huge difference between being alone and being lonely

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lol

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i get it tho

glass tundra
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by alone i just mean spending time by myself

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cause sometimes i love it

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sometimes i hate it

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no in between ngl

ashen pecan
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i see

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that makes sense tho i mean after youre done having time for yourself it gets too isolating after a long period

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humans are naturally social

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anything that deprives us from that seems almost suffocating

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at a certain degree

glass tundra
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also i cant be left alone with my own thoughts

ashen pecan
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real

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😭

glass tundra
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sometimes i can but often i just distract myself with music or screens until i fall asleep

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my thoughts keep me awake for so long

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and theyre not good🙏

ashen pecan
glass tundra
ashen pecan
glass tundra
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oh!

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well thats amazing then

ashen pecan
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i think what helps a lot is just taking a break from those stuff and writing it or going on a walk

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i mean i have this entire forum dedicated to writing my thoughts down

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lmao

ashen pecan
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IM NOT GONNA BE MERCY

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IM NOT GONNA BE ANY KIND OF SUPPORT

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i wanna do editing again

vestal dragon
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duit

ashen pecan
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but mymac memory is so bad

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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bro

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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shits like 8 gb lMAOO

vestal dragon
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IM DYIINNNM

ashen pecan
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oh no

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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wdym ur dying bro

vestal dragon
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i inhaled paint fumes for like 4-5 hours

ashen pecan
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BRO wait same

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😭

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except its worse

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im inhaling contact cement rn

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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im cooked

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it said if i. breathe it in it might be lethal

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theyre joshing me rn

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HOW AM I STILL ALIVE THEN 🙏

vestal dragon
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ye lowkey idk how i didnt pass out

ashen pecan
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ur probablyl ike

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radioactive

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rn

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LO

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I LVOE THE COMBAT INITATION SOUNDTRACK

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OH MY DAYS

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oh baby im a wreck when im without you

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i need you here to stayyy

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broke all my bones that day i found you

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crying at the lake

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was it something i said to make youf eel like youre a burden

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oh and if i could take it all back i swear that i would pull you from the tide

round galleon
ashen pecan
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im crying what i sbro hitting

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lMAOO

ashen pecan
round galleon
ashen pecan
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STOP IT

round galleon
ashen pecan
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sometimes i forget how interesting stray kids songs are

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someone said i looked like felix LMAOAO

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i like that they integrate kpop and krap

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tbh from an outside view it sounds weird but their songs are so unique

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like s class constantly changes music styles

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and its very prominent

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theyre more experimental especially since their voices are all different in some way and theres 8 members

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bang chans voice in s class is so heavenly

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i love when they hit like high notes

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bro it just reminds me of your idol from kpop demon hunters

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idek who was singing the high notes but that shits beautiful

round galleon
ashen pecan
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i dont even listen to kpop anymore

ashen pecan
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bro im giggling and farting

round galleon
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I GE TITT

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I FET IT

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I GET IT

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SHITTING

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I GET IT

ashen pecan
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this makes me shir

round galleon
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you’d love my best friend she’s a stray kids fein

ashen pecan
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my old friend group was like a d1 stray kids hate group bruh

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i had to listen to that shit in secret

round galleon
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LMFAOOOOO

ashen pecan
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LMAOAOO

round galleon
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that’s actually so funny help

ashen pecan
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bro actually tho its cause

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they were hella woke

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😭

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and skz did some bad stuff back then but they still applogized

round galleon
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?? ain’t straykids like a gay person’s roman empire

ashen pecan
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AND YET

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bro

round galleon
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WHt

ashen pecan
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idk it wasnt even anything like EXTREMELY incriminating

round galleon
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jo way that’s wild bru i wouldn’t expect

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strakids

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to do anything

ashen pecan
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nah me neither but my friend was like

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shes the one that influenced everyb to not like them

round galleon
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boi 😭

ashen pecan
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caude she always like digs for anything problematic they do

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in kpop artists

round galleon
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fuck bro ngl i hate peiple like that

ashen pecan
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bro i swear i couldnt listen to like

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idei what other groups she doesnt like

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i could only listen to like enhypen ateez and p1harmony LMAO

round galleon
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is bro actually germany 1939

ashen pecan
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LO

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LOOOL

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no bruh but tbat fg had reciepts of like EVErything

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they screenshot anything thats like

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incriminating

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i thought we were friends bruh

round galleon
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i feel like that has got to be a level of degeneracy

ashen pecan
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i lowk didnt think it was weird until i left them

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cause its just like blackmail at that point

round galleon
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ITERALLY

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what even is the point

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ok they did some bad stuff in the past…. and then what? 😭

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do it even matter

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
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bad apple is so good

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bro

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
ashen pecan
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😭😭

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i love when male singers sing in melody

ashen pecan
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new postr!!

image.jpg
ashen pecan
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boyfriend

ashen pecan
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i wanna love you

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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come on simon we all want you to do it

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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too bad

ashen pecan
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GDHSNXNDJNXND i love my old camera so much

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it’s doing something for me

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it’s so raw i love it

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i wish my photos on my phone was just raw

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photo booth plus computer and older model cameras are so peak

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😭😭

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i should probably stop sending photos of myself tbh

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i don’t even feel tha5 great

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when i do

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mmm whimpers

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praying for a catgirl to js spawn on me when i wake up

ashen pecan
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fuckmi js want a dirty girl

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idgaf

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😭🙏🙏

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you can pretend to be that sweet innocent shit but i know you want something more than that

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and what am i saying

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no homo btw

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i ain’t even like that fr

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damn i hate that i feel this way

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just let this be over with

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i want a bite

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how bad does it hurt to bite someone

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i’d lowkey feel disgusting if i bit someone like teeth sinked into their skin type

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that fs hurts rly bad

ashen pecan
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i want fangs

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fucking love like

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naturally rly pointy and longish canines on ppl

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nijiro murakami

ashen pecan
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just saying if i bit someone in a fight or something which will literally never happen

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me and my camera against the world

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i might get another one next yesr tbh

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i have a model in mind and everything

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baby i need you so bad

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mmm

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i should

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go to sleep

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getting a little bit late

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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nop

ashen pecan
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i hate

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I HAT EGENSHIN IMPAC

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hu tao jsust got massively overkrept

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arlecchino is so goated bruh

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30k per slash ellieJam

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bro

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i keep on forgetting i have her signature weapon to

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too

ashen pecan
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nkdfbgn

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mnghgjhh

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STOP

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i dont want this

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stop

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no

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this isnt

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what i want

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why

ashen pecan
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18 days

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18 days until i have to go to school

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3 weeks

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30240 minutes

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bro

ashen pecan
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this shit is so beautiful crybabby

image.jpg
ashen pecan
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IM Literally

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i love seki

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so much

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im cryin bruh hes actually my goat

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if i cant be seki then im at least shiny

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shinu

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shinu was the other woman im dead

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im dead

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bro

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so wheres my shimizu huh

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????????

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who sold my information to asano 😭🙏

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k im not gonna say im literally him because i am MOER than just a character but i think

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i think he mIGHT be my biggest kin ever

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bru my ister always says thats you when it comes to an edgelord character

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LIKE

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NO

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IM NOT

ashen pecan
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justbW QUIET

round galleon
ashen pecan
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LMAO

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WHAT

round galleon
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she’s me like i saw her when i watched it in theatres and i knew that she was made for ME bro

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o lo ve her

ashen pecan
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could sense the kin from a movie away

round galleon
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LMAO

ashen pecan
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bor i legit do not remember

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a ting about the trolls movie

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LOL

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i cnat recommend anyone oyasumi punpun

round galleon
ashen pecan
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he ltierally just shapeshifts out of nowhere bruh

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wait til u see his other forms

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hebecomes like 1/2bh

round galleon
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that’s the bird from kpop demon hunters

ashen pecan
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LO

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wait it is

ashen pecan
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she may contain the urge to run away but hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks

ashen pecan
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please don’t go

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i’ll eat you whole

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i love you so i love you so i love u so

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i don’t understand why people say the moment i saw her i knew she was the one

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or the moment they’ve seen someone idc

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i only see peopl use her in this sentence ever

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i mean i guess it’s like

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looks and it could be body language that makes you attracted to them but

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i feel like if you like somebody there’s not just one moment there more than one moment

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like i said before there’s those little moments where you feel connected and withdrawn to someone and that gradually builds the more you spend your time around them

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and you’re like yk

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i think i like this person

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i think that means so much more than just

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saying that the moment a person met they knew they were “the one”

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or they’re too quick to judge within the stages of

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i forgot

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idk i just find it weirdfr

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idk where this guy at anymore but this has to be the best piece of advice i’m heard ngl

IMG_0597.png
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get me a dreadhead rn lol

ashen pecan
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my ipad is so fun

ashen pecan
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seki over punpun

glass tundra
ashen pecan
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i was thinking that but like

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i guess the first half sounds like it but it sounds more organically wrapped up at the end

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also i have never heard an ai say that’s just life ngl 😭

glass tundra
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bro ive vented so many times to GPT and this looks exactly like my answers

ashen pecan
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LO

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wait i’ll check what else he said of i can even find g8m

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him

glass tundra
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but the -- is very commonly used by AI and barely by real people

ashen pecan
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yeah em dashes are

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uh

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i like the concept of them but it’s definitely an indicator

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i ain’t ,looking through allat

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bro

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no username no case

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hoooo

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yo do i hop on resident evil

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this shits hella scary

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twitches

IMG_0581.jpg
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sixteenth…. notes…

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i say as i struggle out my last breath

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tbh it doesn’t even look that bad

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2 weeks and a half

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im goin to schoo

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im sooo

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so so os oso soosoososooooooo ecited

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🤣

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im sleepy im gonnan sleep early tonight

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its scared to hold money bruh

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i feel like the moment i touch it its going to combust into flames

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or rip it

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chocolate donuts suck

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i like munchkins

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tho

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but chocolate frosted donuts

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dont even butter my biscuit

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bruh

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im striaghtup eating dog food rn

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bruo

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jokes

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i wanna cuddle someone to sleep

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smh

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i love this guy

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IM GONNA FUCKING

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i think i

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og

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oh my goodness

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i tneed help

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bro

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shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

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my brain

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i feel like a fucking animal

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no furry shit just

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im going feral

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mn,mkjk-apliohn

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i need help i ned help please

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bRO I CANT RELY ON VENTING 1

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😭

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i

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br

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im going to stab a knife into my eye socket

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i hope i sleep good tonight

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really fucking good

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mm

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tomororw

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daniel caesar

knotty owl
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ya got insomnia too aint ya

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its 6 in the fucking morning and i cant sleep

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ive been like this for weeks now

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i get you cuh

ashen pecan
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boiiii its 7 pm right now 😭😭

knotty owl
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for me its 6AM

ashen pecan
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wya

knotty owl
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Romania

ashen pecan
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damn

knotty owl
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no,we dont steal

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i lied

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we do

ashen pecan
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whyd yu

knotty owl
ashen pecan
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say that so fasst

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LOL

knotty owl
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XD

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muscle memory

ashen pecan
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naw

knotty owl
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yaw

ashen pecan
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how long have u been up for

knotty owl
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like,with no sleep?

ashen pecan
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ye

knotty owl
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since yesterday,around 9AM

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i dont know the math

ashen pecan
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what

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bro???

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how do you stay up for that long

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i didnt know insomnia was not chill like that bruh

knotty owl
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you ever watched

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fight club?

ashen pecan
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yeah

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that like

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jack dude or whatever his name was

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he doesnt have a name right

knotty owl
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Tyler Durden

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
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i forgot theyre the same

knotty owl
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yuh

ashen pecan
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what about it

knotty owl
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i got the same mental disorders as that dude

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i got a 2nd personality too

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just to make things worse

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its just i dont see him

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like schizos

ashen pecan
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ohshit

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dawg????

knotty owl
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?

ashen pecan
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uh

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i hope ur good

knotty owl
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i hope that too

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xd

ashen pecan
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idek what jack dude was on but he was on something absurd

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i only think about tyler durden like as an individual

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not as the main character

knotty owl
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:o

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thats an interesting view

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oh and also if the insomnia and multiple personality thingy wasnt enough i got short term memory loss too

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and adhd

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and anxiety

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damn

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but im good with guns

ashen pecan
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bro all diagnosed

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???

knotty owl
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yuh

ashen pecan
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so you have DID insomnia adhd and anxiety

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sheesh

knotty owl
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yuh

ashen pecan
knotty owl
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imagine

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not bein able to sleep

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but being tired at the same tme

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time

ashen pecan
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that would actually be torture

knotty owl
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bruh

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i tried to add a gif

ashen pecan
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when uhave insomnia youre never really awake or asleep either

knotty owl
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why cant i do that

ashen pecan
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you just

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there

ashen pecan
knotty owl
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bruh

ashen pecan
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u gotta boost

knotty owl
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i attached a gif with sysyphus

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the guy pushing a rock uphill

ashen pecan
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oh LO

knotty owl
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LOL

ashen pecan
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alg bruh u just gotta sacrifice ur money to discord and yoou can send silly emojis and gifs

knotty owl
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LOL FR

ashen pecan
knotty owl
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yo i also got some cool traits

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like

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hyper regeneration

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dont you dare ask me if i regenerate like deadpool

ashen pecan
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qait howd you even find my forum it was closed before you said anything

ashen pecan
knotty owl
knotty owl
ashen pecan
knotty owl
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in every way

ashen pecan
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😭

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but it wasnt even discoverable

knotty owl
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wdym

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i js found it

ashen pecan
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did u just look at #1338240260987027568

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or something

knotty owl
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yuh

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i was just fkin around

ashen pecan
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never heard fo that

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oh

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hmmm

knotty owl
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its very rare

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i broke my chin once

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like

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to the bone

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and my dad bandaged me at home

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improvised bandage

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dawg he didnt take me to the hospital

ashen pecan
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BRO PUT A BAND AID

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LMAO

knotty owl
ashen pecan
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a band aid and no insurance

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😭🙏

knotty owl
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and i completly healed in 1 week

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idk how

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i also got high pain tolerance

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tetrochromacy

ashen pecan
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dawg

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youre like a

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mythical card or something

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with a lot of debuffs

knotty owl
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idk

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i live in my owwnn woorlddd

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its like

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i will die of sleep depravation if i didnt have hyper regeneration

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so i can be alive with the bare minimum amount of sleep

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but it feels like slow death

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like drowning,but not being able to die

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so you just stay under water

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taped to the ground

ashen pecan
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thats

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tuff but not tuff

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simultaneously

knotty owl
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lmao

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xd

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didnt think you were chill like that

ashen pecan
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wdtym

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wdym

knotty owl
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idk

ashen pecan
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lol

knotty owl
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i dunno

ashen pecan
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ppl in this server are weird

knotty owl
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wym

ashen pecan
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so i odnt blame u

ashen pecan
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idk its fucking discord

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😭

knotty owl
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lol

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i was just checkin stuff around

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and i saw

ashen pecan
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i se

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i see

knotty owl
ashen pecan
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💀

knotty owl
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cool af

ashen pecan
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rad

knotty owl
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;-;

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w a t t

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?

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😭

ashen pecan
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daniel dropped a single

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pretty good im listeningto it rn

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story writing aint for me bruh

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it is helping'

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though

round galleon
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thought you died or something bad

ashen pecan
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i cannot die without daniels new album 🫀

ashen pecan
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im just a ball of sunshine

ashen pecan
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ppl say they were crying

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now this made me cry

Screenshot_2025-07-24_at_9.40.43_PM.png
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THIS SINGLE FUCKING ASS NO DOECHI NO ALBUM IF UR GONNA MUTE ME MUTE @Colorblind Kelly TOO AND MUTE HIM FIRST

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tell me this aint fire bruh

ashen pecan
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its getting less wore

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worse

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ugh i just wanna

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dress up for the most miniscule trips

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i wanna go out more

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im always begging my parents or sister to bring me with them when they go somewhere

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when i had covid and i had to stay in my room for like a week and my dad was going to costco when i was less sick i was crying because i wanted him to take me with him

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i hate being inside

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but i wish i didnt have to be inside by circumstance

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im only allowed to walk in this one area near me and my dad wont let me bike around

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im so insanely envious of my friends or people at school that are trusted enough to go biking to school

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my dad really doesnt want me to get in an incident but like

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idk

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he can only protect me for so long

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i want to go to places

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i want to feel free

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i wish i could go to places at night but even that im kinda scared to do

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i mean obviously

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but i wish i could just watch the sunset and then skip the cutscene of me walking home

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i wish people found the beauty in the same things i did

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at the same thats not going to happen but thats okay

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i can always gain more perspective

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but i dont really know a lot of people that like going to museums and watching the sunset

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or going to the lakeside just to talk

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at least not without the presence of a phone

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or the beach

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i wish i could just walk by the beach with someone i love and talk to them

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i just feel like my friends that are available to that kind of stuff are always just

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they take videos to post online

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i hate when people post everything they do and every crevice of their personal life

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i mean its not my life and its not hurting anybody

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i justf

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feel like that ruins the essence of things

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i was in a photobooth with my friend and the entire time she just had her phone in her hand and taking photos

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like it made me kinda sad

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i wish our generation wasnt so indirectly indoctrinated with phones

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like fomo and stuff just feeds onto that

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and i feel like people never really come to the realization that it ruins their life

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i sqwear i just

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complain about the same thing over and over again

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but it makes me genuinely so sad

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i genuinely want friends that arent that prominent or fixated over social media

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im not gonna spend my time telling them that its bad because its their life and not everybody sees things in the same lens as me

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or maybe im just being pretentious

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im setting myself on a mental pedastal saying that social media is bad

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im literally on a social media platform rn

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i post myself sometimes on tiktok because it makes me feel good about myself

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im really tired

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i spent this entire day hoping i could sleep early

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but i couldnt go to sleep after trying for 20 minutes

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i dropped crime and punishment

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i might try to read my other unfinished books tbh

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i have a lot of great books i think its just eh dopa,ine rush of buying a new book

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i should probably finish my philosophy books

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well philosophical narrative

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i havent picked up no longer human

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not yet

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i also have american psycho but when i was reading it it was kinda

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weird

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its a satirical book tho

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i cant expect much

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i wanna read more manga but when i say that i wanna read more i mean actual like

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books

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manga is just a visualization i dont gget much out of it

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its telling a story but thers only certain parts where you can extract a chunk of somewhat useful information and quotes

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i think vagabond the climber and vinland saga are all philosophical and praised for it but i feel like its not what im personally looking for as of standards for daily reads

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i think its a break from reading more heavier books

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i try to buy novelized mangas instead

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vagabond has a novel now and i wanna buy it but i heard that it leaves out a lot of information

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so im like oh

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:(

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at least compared to the manga

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i actually have really great books i can still read

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its just

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idk

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theres some that were really good but i dropped after a while and im scared ive forgotten a lot of good information

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i guess i can read a full book summary

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and then come back

#

there was this book i really liked reading it was called tale for the time being

#

by ruth ozeki

#

but i havent read it in a while because i stopped reading it when school came around

#

i think

#

thats the thing

#

im kinda scared i wont read books the same or ill go back to my old habits once school starts because upon that it'll burn me out

#

just need to prioritize my breaks more i guess

#

its just after a long day i wanna relax and i feel like reading takes more mental work than watching a documentary or youtube video

#

i think documentaries are better than watching other content tho you actually get something out of it

#

you can totally say the same about any other video or genre but we arent thinking the same

#

im

#

so scared

#

ill admit

#

that i might go back to my old habits and im going to fuck up my sleeping schedule by taking naps because thats my only compensation

#

i sleep because i get to escape the world even if im not conscious for every single minute of it

#

but hten i wake up

#

feeling like shit

#

and i know that later on after that i wont be able to go back to sleep

#

and then i sleep at like 11 pm or 1 am

#

then it recycles

#

i have to break the cycle

#

i think boredom is my worse enemy

#

right now

#

comfort is the worst addiction to me

#

thats why you have to manage your stress wisely or else youll get burnt out

#

on top of trying to adapt to highschool and a new enviroment i think thatll be very daunting

#

but

#

ill get over it

#

ill be okay

#

i think the first few weeks of school is pretty gradual

#

anyway

#

yk i cant really draw a line between discipline and taking care of mental health like

#

for school

#

cause i think schoool is what keeps poeple disciplined

#

but since its involuntary its easy for people to throw that off the moment that bell rings

#

thene verybody gets on their phones

#

and then people are always talking about getting too much homework

#

which

#

i understand

#

but its only going to get worse the more you get older

#

its not even going to be "homework" where you have to turn it in the day after the teacher gives it

#

in college theres going to be a deadline and its up to your own volition how youre going to manage that and disperse it upon your week

#

like i think the last few weeks of school was the worst thing ever because there were all of these major assignments and finals

#

but i knew i couldnt leave any loose ends

#

i had to get my priorities straight and end with something at least above an 85

#

and i did

#

i mean i was

#

tired all the time

#

but i loved the ambition and thrill i felt that i was doing something good for myself

#

my parents arent even that expectant of me and

#

whatever asian stereotypes are out ther

#

its just me

#

im putting all of this hard work onto myself but i think if i genuinely had that on a regular basis for like every few weeks id definitely get burnt out really quickly

#

it only takes one moment where i have to catch my breath and i get trampled with everything

#

i cant

#

fall behind

#

im scared of falling behind

#

i always see it as "good stress" or "good tired" after i complete a huge load of stuff knowing i finished it the day i got the assignment with a week or even two left til the deadline

#

i do this to myself and i just love being able to thrive and do everything

#

but i think thats unhealthy

#

to an extent

#

it isnt discipline

#

im just putting this all onto myself

#

discipline is when you suppress the urge of not doing said task and doing it anyway, even if its just a little amount

#

focus on your consistency and then increase the intensity

#

this is kinda unrelated but i have this issue where i cant work with othesr

#

others

#

or be surrounded by people when im working

#

i always try to overtake group projects because im scared of being a burden

#

this one time in history i did the entire assignment in a day and i felt so bad after realizing my workmate had to try and fit everything in there for his own credit

#

i think i have a really bad self esteem problem

#

i remember my parents would scold me whenever i did something wrong and they had to fix it themselves

#

i would watch them and they would humiliate me or make me feel useless

#

i spilt a bottle of black paint when i was a kid because i was really passionate about wanting to do art and stuff

#

but

#

when that happened it spilt on the chair and the rug and my dad yelled and hit me

#

and he went to the shop trying to find chair cover replacements and i was at home crying trying to remove the stains so i wasnt a burden

#

he didnt let me paint again

#

after that

#

i was forbidden from painting

#

what made me strive

#

do you know

#

how suffocating that was for me

#

but

#

anyway

#

im not gonna let that stop me and im starting to try and get better

#

i asked my friends and people i knew what were some traits i could improve on to maximize my leadership skills and honestly

#

that was so awakening to me

#

i asked my teachers and everything

#

it helped a lot

#

that was when i had really sensitive problems but i was willing to become better and take teh advice they were giving me

#

i think im doing pretty good

#

hopefully

#

idk i guess im gonna have to ask people to see if im improving

#

i just need a little bit more work on group projects 😭

#

i have little bunny earrings

#

:)

#

this little ones ear is kinda coming off tho im sad

#

ehhe

#

FAST CARS FAST MONEY FAST LIFE FAST BROADS

#

EGOTISTIC GOIN BALLISTIC WHY GOD

#

BORN WARRIOR LOOKIN FOR EUPHORIA

#

BUT I DON'T SEE IT I DON'T FEEL IT I'M PARAPLEGIC

#

TAPPED IN WHEN I'M MAXED IN COMPTOWN WITH THE MAC 10S

#

AND THE PUMPS IN THE BACKGROUND I WAS ABSENT

#

FUCK INTEGRITY FUCK YOUR PEDIGREE FUCK YOUR FEELINGS
FUCK YOUR CULTURE FUCK YOUR MORAL FUCK YOUR FAMILY FUCK YOUR TRIBE
FUCK YOUR LAND FUCK YOUR CHILDREN FUCK YOUR WIVES WHO AM I
NOT YOUR FATHER NOT YOUR BROTHER NOT YOUR REASON NOT YOUR FUTURE
NOT YOUR COMFORT NOT YOUR REVERENCE NOT YOUR GLORY
NOT YOUR HEAVEN NOT YOUR ANGEL NOT YOUR SPIRIT
NOT YOUR MESSAGE NOT YOUR FREEDOM NOT YOUR PEOPLE
NOT YOUR NEIGHBOR NOT YOUR BABY NOT YOUR EQUAL
NOT THE TITLE YALL WANT ME UNDER
ALL HAIL KING KILLMONGER

#

kendrick i love you :3

#

i lvoe

#

chocolat

#

nitro akmost gone

#

whimpers

vestal dragon
#

🤑

ashen pecan
#

r u seki masuki

#

bro i just ad the most

#

like

#

i kept on waking up and then dreaming immediately after

#

mg ass did NOT want to wake up

ashen pecan
#

YOU NEED YOU A MAN BABY I DONT WANNA SLAM BABY

#

PAY YOUR BILL AND MAKE YOU FEEL PROTECTED LIKE I CAN BABY

knotty owl
#

insomnia is a hell of a drug

ashen pecan
#

actual

#

gro im really

#

my mom is really getting on my nerves now

#

im so sad

#

bro

knotty owl
#

?

#

watcha mean

ashen pecan
#

nothin something happened

ashen pecan
#

kawaii and shit

IMG_1430.jpeg
knotty owl
#

nothing something happend

#

bruh

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
knotty owl
#

xd

ashen pecan
#

ill talk about it later

#

maybe

#

in busy atm

knotty owl
#

nah dw bout it

#

i gotcha

#

shiiiii man i really gotta get some sleep

#

but

#

how tf do i sleep

#

if im not tired

#

but im tired and not tired at the same time

#

fuck

ashen pecan
#

get off the screen ig

#

usually its advised to not be on ur screen an hour before bed

#

im

#

gh

#

ug

#

bro

#

i feel so bad for my dad

#

recently its been a lil tough with money like my mom quit her job bc of her job and the environment there is just really

#

negative for her

#

i dont really blame her but i was asking my dad why she hasnt been going to work like shes been sleeping in or just watching tv and stuff

#

and he was like oh yea

#

shes trying to find another one at the moment

#

i thought she got fired but then he told me that it was because she was tired of her boss

#

around that week shes been a mentally drained like her brother and family was being rough with us when we came over

#

it was like we were a burden

#

even thought they legit agreed that itll be okay

#

for us to come over

#

cause they in la and shi

#

but yea i mean its been pretty hard for her and its been a month where she hasnt had a job and stuff

#

but then my dad has to pay for the rent and his moms medical bills because shes like

#

cutting it on the edge shes rly sick rn

#

and he even cancelled our trip to hawaii because we needed to save money ☹️

#

like bro

#

and then today he told us in dinner that he sold our tesla because we needed to pay off a lot of stuff recently

#

but my mom hasnt been doing a lot and idk i feel really upset

#

i was about to cry at the table honestly i was trying to hide it

#

and it was really awkward during dinner

#

my mo was like its ok we have like 5 cars we dont need the tesla

#

but i couldnt really give a damn about the tesla i felt bad because he had to resort to that

#

he loved that car

#

he even got custom seats for it and everything

#

he forbid us from eating in there cause he didnt it to get dirty

#

and God forbid if my dog goes in that car

#

like i genuinely dont care if we lost it

#

im just so sad that he had to do that and i was like texting my sister and everything

#

i want to help i just feel like

#

such a burden because i have stuff i need to pay for like my guitar lessons and rentals for my violin

#

i might get a job soon just so i can pay for my own stuff

#

like my sister is going to ask her manager if i can help out at the cafe shes working at

#

i dont know if im going to work in highschool though i really want to focus on my studies

#

i think my dad would feel really bad if i had to balance out work at 15

#

my mom wasnt really considerate because she quit her job like immediately i kinda just wish she was able to find a job while she was still working

#

and shes paying for her dads rent right now cause he guilt tripped his children into moving back to california after he gambled all of his money and savings away

#

:/

#

like ijm deadass so mad

#

and my mom even takes him out to go gambling sometimes and he still complains about not having a luxurious lifestyle

#

like

#

bro

#

what

#

the fuck

#

im sorry

#

i dont want to speak ill of people let alone my relatives but holy shit

#

its been so hard for us and i remember i was talking to my dad when i was eating out with him js the two of us and he was like yeah i might have to get a second job if we ever wanna go to japan or something like that

#

☹️

#

im trying to save my money just in case of an emergency

#

i was considering buying that camera next year but if things continue to be like this then

knotty owl
#

dam

ashen pecan
#

i dont think i will

knotty owl
#

bro mb i aint readin allat

#

im lazy to even go grab some water

#

since im thirsty af

ashen pecan
#

you dont need to

#

its just

knotty owl
#

but im too lazy to grab the water

ashen pecan
#

something i do in my journal

knotty owl
#

its like 20 cm away from me

knotty owl
ashen pecan
#

alr

round galleon
#

it’s fine i read it doomsday i get financial struggles n im sorry that it’s pressuring you too

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
#

its gonna be alr tho i mean shes

#

her degree is pretty good shes been studying medical stuff for a while

round galleon
#

yeah i’m sure she’ll find a job soon and maybe you guys could even get the tesla back

ashen pecan
#

she might look into jobs that are like in theh hospital and stuff cs thatll get us better insurance 😭

ashen pecan
#

wha for good

round galleon
#

yeahh healthcare is great

ashen pecan
#

and he said no but itll probably be a while until we get it back

#

we've had it for like idk 2 years or something

round galleon
#

at least you’ll see it again

ashen pecan
#

yeah fs

#

i mean honestly tesla hype aint that special i feel like its just the electricity that carries it

round galleon
#

n i’m sorry that ur even worrying about your own personal expenses, don’t feel guilty that u can’t pay for your own stuff rn or anything
you’re still a jit and don’t feel guilty till u can make ur own money

round galleon
ashen pecan
#

t

#

to see this happening

#

im helping around the house more tho since im on break

round galleon
#

yeah ofc i get that 200 percent

#

that’s good, i’m sure your parents rlly appreciate u contributing

ashen pecan
round galleon
#

esp now

ashen pecan
#

thanks

round galleon
#

of course doom day

quaint wolf
#

eight thousand messages.. i messaged someone for two years and we only messaged around 36 thousand times

#

wth

ashen pecan
#

its just me talking to myself

supple drift
round galleon
#

uooo everyone is appearing

ashen pecan
#

ehta the fart

#

😭 LOL

round galleon
#

😭

ashen pecan
#

what u doing at 5 am 💔

supple drift
ashen pecan
#

ok rela

#

real

#

i actually cannot compete with that one journal its like 45k messages

supple drift
# ashen pecan real

I don’t wanna make your journal about myself or anything but like I don’t have a great sense of time or whatever so 5 hours feels like 5 days and 5 minutes

round galleon
ashen pecan
#

i talk to people here sometimes

ashen pecan
supple drift
#

Instead of a night

#

Like just casually if I let myself

#

I could also just not move an inch for several days if I wanted to, I could literally just wake up, not even open my eyes, wait for night, fall back asleep 😭

#

Only reason this doesn’t happen is because I have like somewhat of a life but barely

ashen pecan
#

maybe its the uh

#

circadian rhythm

#

thing

#

cycle

#

WHATEVER thats called but its like where ur body wakes up more naturally due to the sunlight and sunset

ashen pecan
supple drift
ashen pecan
#

is ur room dark

#

scheduling helps too

supple drift
ashen pecan
#

why is that

supple drift
#

Well as I said unless disturbed I’ll just not do anything at all

ashen pecan
#

bro ur like that one issac newton law

#

LOLOL

#

the seocnd one or something

#

no its not the second one

#

yup this one

Screenshot_2025-07-25_at_8.03.02_PM.png
supple drift
#

Like if I wasn’t hungry, needed to remove waste from my body, shower, keep my mouth clean, see sunlight every day, I’d just stop

#

Honestly sometimes I wish I could deadass take a break from breathing

ashen pecan
#

mm yeah thats

#

fair

#

its just more easier and simpler to quit

supple drift
ashen pecan
supple drift
#

And I hate that

#

Although for a small moment you do get a little relief

ashen pecan
#

from what

supple drift
# ashen pecan from what

I just breathe out all the air and go limp for a couple seconds before breathing a bunch again

#

If I go limp I can rest for a little longer too since I need less oxygen that way

ashen pecan
#

do you know what youre going to do to stop this cycle though

supple drift
#

Not breathing for a bit is so peaceful actually and not in a suicidal or self harm way

#

It’s like sitting down after standing up all day

supple drift
ashen pecan
#

are you going to stop it

ashen pecan
#

thats interesting tho

supple drift
supple drift
#

Just breathing out all the air and feeling the calm of not needing to breathe constantly

#

And then continue when you feel the need for air

#

it’s like so therapeutic if it wasn’t for the fact that it leaves you kinda breathless

ashen pecan
#

no just kiding

supple drift
ashen pecan
#

it just creates endorphins

supple drift
ashen pecan
#

people who meditate use that technique where they hold their breath for long and exhale

#

soo

#

maybe not in a bad way

#

ive seen people make their body like extremely tense before they go to sleep and then let go

supple drift
#

I hate it somehow

#

Like let me exist without needing to constantly expand my chest every 2 seconds

ashen pecan
#

i think youre just too conscious of your breathing

#

after all if your enot really doing anything your mind will try to focus on at least something

supple drift
#

Same for having itches

#

So unnecessary

#

And also needing to pee or poop or eat or drink