i miss when roleplaying was a thing
#all or nothing
ashen pecan
ashen pecan
sketch:3
i should make his hair black
bros a little bit smiely
LOL
i love the dissolve effect
should ii
i kinda wanna leave it like that
but
bro why is that kinda tuff
he kinda looks like he has a sunburn tho
:<
what should i name
round galleon
is that. is that. is that. an oc. 
ashen pecan
he kinda just appeared
IDK WHAT TO NAME HIM HELP
he kinda looks like my avatar actually
and my pfp
he was inspired by my pfp a while ago
i love larry johnson 🫂
i cried to sally face
its so peak
round galleon
he kinda just appeared
so fricking amazing it’s an oc i say in my mind can i draw him 
ashen pecan
yu wanna draw him ?
round galleon
yes
round galleon
joy!!!!!!
round galleon
he just a head
round galleon
bro i forgot to tell you about the time i saw a head in hawaii like
it was an alive dude but he was just a head
ashen pecan
wht
round galleon
and he was smoking
ashen pecan
oh was it in the beach hELP
round galleon
he had like a headband on and a marker was attached to it
and he was drawing with his head
it was so crazy
ashen pecan
bro thats peak
round galleon
if i was disabled i would draw like that
ashen pecan
pursuit
round galleon
i could draw you with my head
ashen pecan
WHAT DO I NAME HIM IM GONNA CR
round galleon
do name generator
like take his background n like muddle it with random languages and what he does
or what he did
ashen pecan
i could draw you with my head
that would be very hard
ashen pecan
like take his background n like muddle it with random languages and what he does
may be
do i give bro lore
ashen pecan
i figured his face was rotten off by acid or burnt
ashen pecan
YES YES YESSSS
will do
round galleon
you should figure out how that happened
round galleon
ashen pecan
UM???
round galleon
the hexcore wants viktor badly….
round galleon
HELP LMAO
ashen pecan
i got it
kinda
someone he knew tried to douse him acid out of
eh
uuh
hatred
ill put that very loosely until i think about something
round galleon
yes… keep going!!!!!
ashen pecan
yk i saw this site back then
where there was pricing of like
really nefarious acts
assassinating harming defaming and shit
i dont think it was real but this was this thing called uglifying which meant they would splash acid on the persons face
ashen pecan
work in prgorss
ashen pecan
idk if i wanna finish it
im bore
i still need to
render or whatever its called
ima go read oyasumi punpun
hopefully im not a step closer to nihilism
ashen pecan
bro
they lowkey be having the most realest shit in this manga
stop changing the perspective to pegasus i dont wanna know about his weird shit
ashen pecan
scoobydobiliowigglgilywo000000
ashen pecan
broo
i just fibished watchibg superman
its so good
dude that mightve been the best movie ive seen in a while
lol
ashen pecan
alrighty im gonna go to sleep reading more nihilistic blackpill content
this better be me when i. wake up
ashen pecan
i finished it
i did it
its mid
goodnight punpun is mid
idk what manga i wanna get next now
im kinda glad i didnt buy the set because this is just like
plain
im gonna give an honest summary and opinion on the manga
ok the artstyle is beautiful, i think thats what got me hooked and intersted in the manga and the way the mangaka made punpun a bird
it really draws people into the story and makes them wonder why hes depicted as a bird and
also it creates this unique thing to the book
poeple say that its because punpun is actually attractive but that would obviously just shield readers away from what he does
also i think its very ironic
that hes just some cute bird but has these nihilistic thoughts
i dont know to be honest, hes not that likeable
obviously i mean i feel like everybody hates him
but its the fact that hes such a boring character other than his design
hes just some nihilistic dude who keeps on contemplating on killing himself
and the whole manga is just hard to interpret
maybe thats just me being a dipshit but like
the perspectives keep on constantly changing from to either like
punpun - seki and shimizu and a side of pegasus - pegasus + his cult - shinu and her friend/sister (i forgot) and the side of punpun occasionally - some lore about a prominent side character
like the mom
but anyways
tbh i was expecting more from this manga and im very disappointed
i was considering dropping it because it wasnt that enticing to me in the couple few chapters but it honestly just felt like i was dragging myself through the plot
i know some manga and other forms of content tend to get more interesting throughout the plot but
i dont think oyasumi punpun sparked anything in me
maybe with my past
i really liked seki
and shinu because theyre characters i can relate to
i honestl ythought that i would relate to punpun the most but i feel like i would relate to him in a sense back then when i was really negative and kept on digging the hole deeper into misery
not my book, i dont think i enjoy this type of content especially with nihilistic ideology
so im a bit biased but
its all subjective
i enjoy other mangas like vagabond and the climber
because it really shows their character development and their struggles + vulnerabilities
i think i enjoy philosophical seinen a lot because it really
strikes a chord when i see masculine figures going through their hardships and being able to intellectualize with that
also i dont really like reading negative stuff imo
i mean maybe if i get a thing or two out of it
punpun really made me realize some grim stuff but the more i read about it i started to get more uh
depressed ?
the artstyle is moderately detailed
but
when there were scenes where there was a lot of inflicted violence like aiko stabbing her mom to the pulp it make me
idk
i started to think about what i would be like to get stabbed
then i began to want to wonder what it would feel just to feel it
i should honestly add a trigger warning to my forum 😭
got it
anyways uh
hm
i had something else to say
oh
yes
aiko and punpuns relationship
honestly i thought it was so fucking weird that punpun after like a decade or so he was still attached to an elementary relationship
from hearing that you would think that it had more meaning to their relationship
but like
bro
idk it was just like
pre PRE adolecscent relationships
bruh
i think him and shinu were glorious
she even went all this way to try and find punpun after he disappeared off to go kill aikos mom and run away with her
they were both very vulnerable to eachother and even fricked
but even so they didnt get together
its like
girlboss x loser bf type relationship
it was kinda toxic honestly
in theory it would be significantly better than him and aikos relationship
but also she felt like she needed to be superior to everybody
and she was just very arrogant in general
also why is punpun so obsessed with
i dont rly wanna say it bc it might get modded
well im gonna say that hes very lustful
he sa'd aiko like bro 😭
does anyone actually like punpun
aiko was just a lost cause there was a lot going on for her
damaged finds the damaged
healthy attracts the healthy
i think about that quote a lot
i should
go to slepe
today was a good day
im gonna drop off my books at the library later
or ill try to at least
oo o
im getting korean bba
bbq
later today
also
i hate how some parts were just left unresolved
like
when midori rped punpun
and then after she was just portrayed as the nice aunt
there wasnt any guilt that was eating her alive after she did that
and then was when her husband was out there missing or even killed
ts guy
bro why does he look EXACTLY like arisu
slash kento yamazaki
dude
i wanna rewatch alice in boarderland
me when i
is punpun even real
like
he literally just
punpun is like an npc
theres a ton of times where he seems to cry but its only for like trivial matter
matters
not when he finds out soemthing devastating
THIS MANGA IS SO BUNSKISS
PLSS
i should make a manga list
ok
the climber
vagabond
tokyo ghoul
blue lock
bleach (possibly)
tbhk
someone just
buy me the entire the climber set
round galleon
the climber
vagabond
tokyo ghoul
blue lock
bleach (possibly)
tbhk
t t t tbhk mentioned heh
heh
heh
that was my grade 4 roman empire
ashen pecan
round galleon
i love tge art
round galleon
ashen pecan
round galleon
is that us
ough i can’t i love how the eyes
do that
ouuugggggghhhhhh this is peak illustration
round galleon
hanako is lowkey a twink
ashen pecan
BROOO
round galleon
ashen pecan
omg
ashen pecan
i remember those anime pfps with like
the matching ones
with heart hands
specifically the tbhk ones
ashen pecan
WAITA
ashen pecan
round galleon
oh HELP
round galleon
round galleon
wait imma get an oreo
yummers
i’m forgetting their names
goodness it’s been so long
ashen pecan
yes.... yess.....
ashen pecan
is she fine shit
round galleon
is she fine shit
YES !!!!
round galleon
what’s that guys name i forgot
ashen pecan
GRIFFITH
round galleon
%{YEAH
round galleon
oh super evil…
round galleon
yoo 💔
ashen pecan
IDK WHAT THAT TWINK BE ON 
round galleon
women stand up ⬆️ 🆙
round galleon
i thought he was a gril
round galleon
https://tenor.com/view/selfship-yume-necrog0re-casca-manga-gif-10677099431958784...
GUTS DE WHAT
ashen pecan
whats that
round galleon
necro philia is like
round galleon
liking dead bodies.
ashen pecan
NOOOOOOO
ashen pecan
i know...... i understand it now
ashen pecan
round galleon
ashen pecan
im dead yo
im gonna lure girls as an alleged male specimen on roblox 😂
BROOOO there were like these lawsuits on roblox
or something
i was in the car with. my dad
and there was this hella serious and not whimsical ad about contacting
this business thing if they believe their children were traumaed on roblox
ashen pecan
Ok
ashen pecan
i got it appealed
ell oh epo
i dont even play genshin
anymore
i should just sell my account one day ngl
i have a lot of 5 stars i think its probablt worth like
idk 120
somewhere in the 100s zone ngl
i should js hack people and sell their accounts
lol
NAH IM NOT GONNA DO THAT dont clip me God pls
ashen pecan
uuughh i love my boy
☹️
im crying
bro
my mom might stop paying for my guitar lessons
i actually love playing
i have my own guitar but like
its gonna be hard trying to improve if someone explicitly doesnt tell me what im doing wrong
i dont wanna stop playing
i remember when i used to fake my mental illnesses to get attention
lol
tough times
i dont even think i have a mental illness
this therapist i was talking to told me i might have ocd
but like
idk
i just have bad habits that seem to align
whats it called
symptom
i feel like sometimes im very stigmatized
honestly i used to think it was corny to think u had a mental illness because some tiktok told u that u have it or u romanticize it
i still do but i was very strong on it
ashen pecan
honestly i used to think it was corny to think u had a mental illness because so...
romanticizing a mental illness is so
like
idk
i think its what stops people from getting help
because its not desirable to them
"oh i have anger issues lol i literally punch my walls and i scream at everybody" youre weak lol
not physically weak
youre mentally weak
youre inconfident
people often associate anger issues with masculinity but its genuinely so deteriorating on the soul
youre fr using allat energy 😂
youre only making yourself weaker
nothings actually that deep choose peace
im talking to my younger self
what i see in others exist in me
your perception of me is a reflection of you
haha
isnt that crazy
theres a reason why anti fat activists are so passionate about what they do because they have a past with eating disorders
i used to think having anger issues would make people afraid of me
until i realized how fucking annoying i was
nobody wanted to help me
round galleon
i think its what stops people from getting help
fuck i dislike this so so much i hate when people think having a mental illness is quirky and makes them unique and cool ugh
but also a lot of people that have mental illness find comfort in not seeking help n kind of wanting to get worse only because that’s the only thing they know and they can’t seek help for other reasons
ashen pecan
fuck i <:ANGRYASFgrrr:909462294092722196> dislike this so so much i hate when pe...
np deadass its so
like
bad
theres a line between not feeling ashamed for your mental illness but if people intentionally use it as a label to appear different its just
🖕
ashen pecan
fuck i <:ANGRYASFgrrr:909462294092722196> dislike this so so much i hate when pe...
yeah i can definitely see the part where people find comfort in their sadness
i dont really have anything to say about it because i dont have that much perspective
harsh motivation only makes them seep deeper into it
round galleon
im 100% for recovery but ive had many many days where i just felt like getting worse was the only thing i could actually do for myself
but im trying to get better and im talking with professionals who’re helping me
ashen pecan
i mean i totally understand it can be really daunting especially when youre in such a bad position and you arent in the mental state to push yourself
or you dont feel like its worth it
ashen pecan
butt yeah still it
getting better or slowly recovering from something will always have its relapse points
its not always going to be linear
round galleon
oh yeah 100%
same to say for a lot of things
but it never gets easier to feel like you’re back at base 1 when you thought you were getting better
ashen pecan
thats always so
like
depricating
i get it
i do think that one mistake shouldnt derail you from becoming better though
round galleon
me as well, but i guess it also depends on the person and the severity of their illness. maybe one mistake is enough to send somebody sensitive and extremely vulnerable to lose themselves again
i hate how comforting getting worse is and i wish the concept just. didn’t exist but that can’t happen
but we will all ball till the day we fall
ashen pecan
from my perspective imma just keep it short but i used to struggle with lust like it got really bad where i would have to feel compensated every few hours of the day but only recently i took it seriously and tried to stop
there has been many times where i was clean for a long period but then on some days i would be alone with my thoughts and i would absolutely just indulge into the thoughts of my temptation
it happened last week
but im still nowhere near where i started
ive been exposed to it since i was in like
oml
3rd grade or something
ashen pecan
me as well, but i guess it also depends on the person and the severity of their ...
yeah i understand
everybody is different
round galleon
3rd grade or something
oh goodness holds u so tight im sorry
you told me you also looked to god too right
ashen pecan
but your journey should be set on your own accord
round galleon
i like that
god is one of the only things i wanna get better for as well
ashen pecan
oh goodness holds u so tight im sorry
i was going to say its okay, its not but its going to be okay in the end
ashen pecan
you told me you also looked to god too right
yeah honestly
like
i wasnt that religious a while ago and when i tried to get better i started to look more into religion
ffs when i wasnt religious i think its crazy to compare the two together
round galleon
jesus is the best healer
ashen pecan
how far is it usually
round galleon
well before i moved houses maybe just 15 mins
idek how far now
idk i’ve always been christian but i never really
was that serious about it
n im kind of guilty that i kinda push god away a lot of the time but
it’s ok
ashen pecan
dang, i mean even if its that far i think it still means a lot to put some stuff aside to go to church
my family doesnt go that much they just attend meetings online
round galleon
yeahh. i think the last time i went was for easter
round galleon
my family doesnt go that much they just attend meetings online
oh i forget that this is an option
ashen pecan
n im kind of guilty that i kinda push god away a lot of the time but
no thats real
ashen pecan
oh i forget that this is an option
it works
i remember when i wasnt very christian i was talking to my ex and he told me "when we meet up we should go to church together" and then i was like "oh idk i feel like i shouldnt be there" cus i felt very distant from Him and he told me that i dont need to be christian in order to go to church
youre welcome to be there no matter what
and i was like damn
that still sticks with me a lot even when ive sinned and i dread the prayer or going to church
round galleon
i remember when i wasnt very christian i was talking to my ex and he told me "wh...
this is so real
i really love love love how welcoming christianity is it’s really heartwarming n i lowkey feel so sad to know that a lot of people also have such negative experiences with it
ashen pecan
yeah no fr
round galleon
but it’s also like. knowing you can’t slack even though god is all forgiving makes you really put more effort into the religion. of course he’ll forgive you, but stray too far off his path and who knows what’s next for you
ashen pecan
i think the worst guilt ive ever felt is when i did something really bad and i knew that i had to ask for his forgiveness but i never felt bad about it
ashen pecan
i cant just ask for his forgiveness when i know i might do it again
round galleon
he sees and knows everything and you know that you can’t hide true intentions
it’s difficult
ashen pecan
i mean people can say thats just being human like we sin and thats what makes us human but
round galleon
it’s impossible to be pure and mistakes are inevitable
ashen pecan
are you really asking for his forgiveness and want to have a relationship with him when you do that and dont make any action to move past that sin
thats just like
my entire thought proces
that made me stop sinning when i know i have a choice
under my own volition
round galleon
yeah 100%
ashen pecan
he sees and knows everything and you know that you can’t hide true intentions
exactly
no revenge because God doesnt punish us when we sin against him
round galleon
🥹 im lowkey kind of prepared for his third coming and to be condemned to hell tbh
im not saying i did something morally bad like murder someone but i feel like god’s expectations for us, aside from the 10 commandments and all that john
is our own expectations for outspend
ourself
and i feel like ive already disappointed myself and done things that i personally think is worthy of not joining him in heaven
ashen pecan
everybody has their really bad things
maybe we dont feel like we deserve a place in heaven but
that shouldnt stop us from trying to become better in the future
ashen pecan
theres serial killers that saw themselves as devoted christians
round galleon
im just thinking about how many times i can ask for forgiveness before he shuts me out completely
n i know that i have asked for more than i thanked him for
i hate that like it’s impossible to be a perfect christian although it’s so unrealistic for me to be one
ashen pecan
i dont know what ur experiencing senna or what you have done but i know enough to tell you that i respect you and i think you have good intents
ashen pecan
i hate that like it’s impossible to be a perfect christian although it’s so unre...
no such thing, i think it means more to Him that we're fighting and growing from our past mistakes
regardless im not doing this so i dont suffer in hell i want to do it because i love Him
round galleon
ok amen
ashen pecan
i want to do whats right
ashen pecan
you’re really tuff 🥹
ashen pecan
LOL
round galleon
maybe it’s doomsday’s world and we’re all living in it
ashen pecan
noway 🙂↔️
ashen pecan
ashen pecan
im supposed to wae up in 4hours
not good
not good
why is my sleeping schedule so had
bad
i know the reason
i just want to simmer
im gonna try to gts
more beeswarm for tomorrow
ashen pecan
i havent seen
the blue hour in the morning
in such a long time
waking up early is the shit
a good morning is a slow morning
good shit
smh
AND IM GOING TO THE MALL KOREAN BBQ AND GETTING MY ID BROOO
thhis is so peak bro 😭 https://youtu.be/jlFHJ8GoVAc?si=f_KRXUtxgobRieho
ashen pecan
broo im sewing rn and i wanted to make this tank top a tube top
BUT it literally
i mean it technically is
but its so freaking short omg
it looks like a strapless bra 
i could unironically cosplay nami with this
not rly
idek if i can send it here but like
i mean its cute... i guess
my dad is NOT going to let me go out in this john lol
maybe if i can wear it over my swimsuit someday
I DONT WANNA GO ON A RUN
im running on coffee rn
aint no WAY im doing that
ashen pecan
BROOO
MY INTESTINES ARE TALKING TO ME
my room is so dope bro
I WANT MORE POSTERS
dude my friend said he bought me a utopia poster and he sent it to me but his parents were like what the heck dont buy things without us knowing
and for random ppls houses
HELP
and he said that he doesnt know where his money went
im crying
ashen pecan
more beeswarm for tomorrow
BEESWARM IS SO PEAK
my bss tryhard friend said hes gonna help me
^_^
ashen pecan
yuh
ashen pecan
RHIS FUCKING VIDEO AINT SENDING
ashen pecan
HOLY SHit theres
this lady
shes going to a club but i can
um
her dress looks so
woo wee
uh
the sky is so blue
bro her
she looks so good in it
i was staring at her from afar and i think my mom noticed
umm
theyre
i have auto aim
sorry
im straight i swear
i swear
dawg
i dont know why but male gaze women gmfu
it feels condescending calling them male gaze but like
i dont know how to describe it
my mom was lowk getting pissed off that i kept on looking at her and it was obvious she was getting uncomfortable 😭
like i can NOT
not look at her
ashen pecan
ashen pecan
ffs i hate the apple cameras
WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING ACCUR
ACCURATE
CRIME AND ARCANE
ARCANE AND PUNISHMENT
????
AAAA
ashen pecan
ALL OR FUCKING NOTHING
BABY
i love this guy
sm
he gives me gender envy
HONESTLY IM BETTER AS YOUR BOY
ID BE KINDA SHITTY AS YOUR MAN
LETS GO BACK TO ONLY BEING FRINENDS
SORRY GIRL I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
OH SHE TEN OUTTA TEN LOOKG OOD FROM THE FRONT AND BACK
I DONT KNOW SHAWTY DO YOU LVOE ME LIKE YOU SAY
ashen pecan
WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING ACCUR
JSKHGHAUIGHAUEIRHGARGREGERGDSFHJSDNV
WTF
EVEN THEIR MBTIS ARE THE SAME
???????
WHAT
WHAT
!!!
HWAT
can my bangs STOP getting a divorce
im like in the middle of keeping my bangs and also trimming them
i have to keep on trimming them cause htye get in my eyes but if i dont then im just gonna have a really awkward middle part
i am NOT getting curtain bangs yet
maybe when i have long hair
perhaps
my hair is like the same length
now
bbut it doesnt give the same vibe idk why
bro honestly
i cant dye my hair again
like
my style changes too much for that
when i had highlights i had to like curate my outfits in order for it to fit
its like having those pair of jordans you really like but dont match ur outfits
i felt so much more free when i dyed my hair black
i should dye my hair black
what do u think chat
yes?
...
ashen pecan
its like having those pair of jordans you really like but dont match ur outfits
i found a pair of jordans in my dads closet but hes a collector and he doesnt wear them
theyre size 11 :<
im like an 8.5 in womens
ashen pecan
i should dye my hair black
my hair looks black in photos but its not
i have rly subtle highlights
and also
on my tips theres a lil blond action
i could totally dye my hair platinum or something but i hate the afterpart
where like
in a few weeks ur hair looks fried
and ur roots
are significantly different than the hair color
then it highlights the hair grease 💔
i like my
short hair era
but also i feel more confident in longer hair
i remember when i had short hair i was scrunching the SHIT out of it
yooo i should get a perm
jk
my best pictures are always when theyre like
random
i look rly awkward when i ask ppl to take pictures of me
omg
im gonna feel so bad saying this but my sister is
when she takes photos of me i feel so inconfident and they just feel so awkward
my only good photographer doesnt rly hangout iwth me
💔
i wish i had friends who would hype me up
like the type of friends where if i was a guy id totally be in love with them
if nana was a guy shed be the love of my life
sometimes saying "im a guy" just feels so
uh
well
when i was trans i didnt wanna say boy bc that sounds whimsical
but if i said man
IM NOT A MAN
???
i looked like a lil jit
male is okay but it feels to formal
if i said guy thats like
an immediate call out
😭
something i realized
when i was in llike 5th grade i wanted to learn how to conceal my identity and sound like a guy
so i
studied how they texted
and the small things that would be an indicator i was either zesty or a female and not a gmail
that was bad tho i wish i was just myself lol
so i kinda just grew up
uh
texting like that
obviously now i dont really care
but its definitely still prominent
also the way i presented myself online was really important
its either i had a black pfp or some random sigma male
i still do that
'
but anyways
also another thing i did was i kinda
my voice is deep for a female because when i was younger i made it intentionally deep
so it was like voice training and that exponentially amplified the more i got older
lol
i like my voice tho
it surprises people
i think it makes me unique
ive never met someone with a deeper voice than mine unless they had testosterone or some condition
also testosterone doesnt necessarily make ur voice deeper if ur a female it just makes you sound like
a different pitch
i think what i noticed is that they almost always sound like some minecraft youtuber LMAOO
someone said that i was like corpse husband but a female
l his design is dope
wait i forgot he makes music
his voice scratches my brain
i feel like deep voices in men are
im not gonna say theyre unattractive but i dont understand the whole craze about it
i guess its masculinity ?
???
yk i
nvm i dont really know how to feel about the topic of appearances because like
its important and im not going to sit here saying its not
but if youre hyperfixating over looks and traits like height canthal tilts and whatever
like whatever u cant change yk
thats
weird as hell
i mean
you TOTALLY have the right to have an orientation of attraction towards those things
thats fine
but if you make it like a big deal to the fact you care oNLY about looks youre not trying to look for a boyfriend
at least not a healthy one
you just want someone attractive to be around
and im not gonna play the looks or personality game
because i think its like a relationship between the both
yes looks matter =, as long as you look put together then thats really great and it makes you appear more attractive to others
but i feel like
the more you get to know a person looks begin to matter less
and you can totally interpret that however you want to
whether thats good or not
and vice versa
actually
no
not vice vera
versa
wiat
ashen pecan
whether thats good or not
yes vice versa to this
ashen pecan
the more you get to know a person looks begin to matter less
not this
i used to blame a lot of stuff on men and i was generally just
like wtf
i mean its not a surprise that i didnt have any relationships going on or at least healthy ones
but the more i pivoted my focus
like
to myself
i started to get better mentally and physically
and i changed my mindset and confidence
confidence without ego btw
actually idk i still have a problem with my ego at times but
im trying to be more aware of it
i think pride is the most unattractive thing ever
not ever but you get the point
right chat
uh
anyways
so when i got better and you could say that i started focusing on myself i began to realize that i was attracting more better people and i stopped trying to please people i didnt even like
like when i was trans i just wanted to be treated better and like a male would be
but i dont want those people in my life
do i really want to be friends with misogynistic guys or even women/women who perform for guys
yk whta
you know what
i noticed that girls and including myself get really defensive when theyre met with a question regarding if they are dressing in a way to essentially perform
doesnt matter if its for a man or a woman
but typically men
and that made me realize i mean
we're all subconsciously doing it whether we like it or not
not gonna pull out the society card because
they usually reply with "im not dressing for nobody only for myself"
yea?
well like
theres a reason why we dress up whenever we wanna go out because we are aware of the idea that others are going to percieve us
that goes for everybody not just men
and you can totally say it about men but i feel like theyre more conscious of the fact they dress up for women to see
like
uh
ive always heard that mens fitness journeys begin for a girl or
rather looksmaxxing to attract women
but when it comes to women its totally different
i mean i can go on and on
you can totally dress up put makeup and wear heels at home but we dont because we know nobody is watching or judging us
appearance brings attention
being good makes a relationship
hard work and being compatible makes it last
idk how to say this without making it seem like a pick me but anything regarding calling out others behaviors in a friendly fire sense makes you automatically a pick me
i mean its different when a man calls out other men but that would make me sound like im enforcing double standards
i cant be mad about that
dude
the concept of double standards and always pivoting the focus to like "oh and if a man did it it would be different" which is like
true
but can you really take down the idea of double standards
men and women are different and
thats fine
but thats the reason why double standards are a thing
i mean everybody is different of course we all have our differences but its more highlighted between men and women
on average at least
i think double standards are
annoying to think about
but its also the way a lot of people subconsciously conform to gender roles whether its subtle or not
like the man proposing instead of the girl proposing
or killing the spider
yk theres that infamous bible verse
particularly with women submitting to men
i feel like it
thats really broad
i wish there was at least more structure to that statement because people deem the bible and christianity to be misogynistic
ashen pecan
particularly with women submitting to men
in marriage at least
but i was reading this article
about the verse and it said that they were supposed to listen under God's word
so basically its women -> men -> church/pope or something -> God
-> being listening
its all through God but its so broadly structured it makes it seem like women have to submit to men under WHATEVER they say
men are only supposed to dictate them if it fits into boundaries that follow the bible
or anything Godly yk
and also its not a sin to be like
a girlboss or sum and be a business ceo as a woman
it really only accounts to when its in marriage
just dont do it in the church yk
and ur gucci
i think its just badly worded when they see women or children as property cause
after all its from a LONG time ago
ok wait
end of yap sesh
:I
i have to go gucci
nvm
i was gonna go to target with my sister and she said she would take me but she has work in 2 hours
she said that she was gonna rest and play games beforehand but now she wants to opt out
i mean whatever
shes the one with the car and ym dad said that hes gonna take me later anyway
its just she said that we were gonna get a gift for our cousin
at target
and shes just
ugh
i dont wanna talk negatively about her but shes just bedrotting rn i pushed everything aside and i got ready so i could go out with her
im just gonna play bee swarm 😭
... 
im upsetti spaghetti
i feel like my only escape is going out
i dont like staying inside
i lied because i actually like school
i like going out and talking to people
im not extroverted like that tho
i miss my homegirl
she always sees the beauty in the small
things
i feel like shes the only one in school that gets me
bro
i know its mainstream but these lyrics
man
they seem so cliche and emo but they sound so good
his voice is so like
omg
ashen pecan
this is going to sound so depressing but i feel like nobody would care if i committed suicide
lke
yeah
they would
if theyre my family or a close friend theyd get sad
no
i think im projecting
but if i just like hung myself i feel like they wouldve seen that coming
also suicide is just more normalized these days
ashen pecan
i think im projecting
i dont know how id react if someone i was close to died
id cry really bad if it was my dad
but other than that i genuinely dont know how id react
ashen pecan
this is going to sound so depressing but i feel like nobody would care if i comm...
it would only be sad if something happened to me like out of my control
lol bruh if that information was spread to my school i think people would just be like oh thats sad
im not really that relevant anyway
the only relevance in school u'll get is if youre a nuisance or are apart of more relevant people
or get into a relationship
i know this really cool dude like he
he's so athletic and underrated he broke a record this year for track and field but people dont really actively talk about him because he doesnt tend to boast about it
like thats so attractive bro
ashen pecan
he's so athletic and underrated he broke a record this year for track and field ...
i mean i feel like people know him because hes like apart of a guy relevant group but he stands out without having to boast
like thats honestly so inspiring by itself
i know this other girl and she got this insane score on this really hard diagnostic test we take every single trimester
but she was so humble about it
it made me
i think it was on math or somethng but she got a 670 score i think and the questions are all randomized from k-12
but we usually get ones that are like in our grade level and up obviously
if u perform good on one question it gets harder
ashen pecan
i think it was on math or somethng but she got a 670 score i think and the quest...
the minimum is 450 i think but the highest score is 700
anyways its just really impressive
idk
ashen pecan
i think it was on math or somethng but she got a 670 score i think and the quest...
the average is around 520-640
why am i talking so much today
wtf
ive been talking
for
2 hours.
glass tundra
I rate this journal🙏
glass tundra
https://open.spotify.com/track/0hta2Lb2zKJ7kEnAEZEE3G?si=3ad8638ed47544a6 this s...
no real i love that song but i feel like i cant love it since it went so mainstream
I knew it before it went viral on tt tho!!!
ashen pecan
you see i actually prefer this over talking to someone cause i js be talking about some stuff 😭🙏
round galleon
I rate this journal🙏
me too
ashen pecan
i dont look on tt a lot
glass tundra
i dont look on tt a lot
valid
ashen pecan
i actually didnt rly know how to feel about it when it was first playing
glass tundra
wait lemme take a look at my tiktok screentime
round galleon
bruh i used to have like more than 12 hours daily
glass tundra
ashen pecan
WAT
round galleon
it’s like calm now
ashen pecan
it’s like calm now
😭
ashen pecan
me when i have 3 hours of screentime (its 3 am)
ashen pecan
maybe i should find a life
😭
glass tundra
me when i have 3 hours of screentime (its 3 am)
preach
but like i dont use other devices except phone
so no tv, ipad, laptop
round galleon
I HAVE LIKE 20 MINUTES ON MY PHONE WhAT are you guys doing
bro i don’t even want it to be like this i wanna do stuff irl but my FRIENDS CANT GO OUTAUUUGGHH
ashen pecan
but like i dont use other devices except phone
thats fair
glass tundra
bro i don’t even want it to be like this i wanna do stuff irl but my FRIENDS CAN...
SAME CAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE RICH AND THEYRE ALL ACROSS THE WORLD DURING SUMMER BREAK
ashen pecan
bro i don’t even want it to be like this i wanna do stuff irl but my FRIENDS CAN...
dawgg
round galleon
SAME CAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE RICH AND THEYRE ALL ACROSS THE WORLD DURING SUMMER BRE...
LMAO no literally i went on vacation for only 1 week and since then my friends are still busy
glass tundra
LMAO no literally i went on vacation for only 1 week and since then my friends a...
no like my best friend here in Austria is gone for the entire summer😭
he was here 1 week and now he is in Spain the whole time
but i just came back from croatia so that was fun
i saw fish
blub blub
round galleon
ashen pecan
stop it
im getting this
urge to paint this project ive been working on
black
STOP
!!!!!
ashen pecan
ashen pecan
BUY ME ROBUX NOWWWWW
ashen pecan
I JUST WANNA ROCK