Hi all. New here. I started seeing this girl a couple months ago. She was in a committed long distance relationship with her boyfriend who was preparing to move to another city. She started an affair with me, and started cheating on her boyfriend with me. I guess the idea of her picking me over her boyfriend made me feel special so I stuck with it. I had been single for over 3 years at that point. Time passed and she eventually broke up with her boyfriend but started to feel very guilty about the whole deal. She’d have phases of hot and cold with me and distance herself some days, some days make me her whole world. I thought maybe she needed time to process her breakup and we’d not speak for days, and once even a whole week. But we’d eventually always get back together. She was very nit picky about things that I’d do. She’d make a big deal about the fact that I’m close to my mom and call her names. She’d only really value me if I did something for her like get her gifts or take her shopping. I’d never have a chance to express how I felt because every time I did, it would somehow turn into an argument where whatever I said was weaponised against me. I felt like I was walking on egg shells the entire time and if I said something out of order it would mean me having lost all progress and returning to someone who’s barely even ready to listen. I’ve cried, fought, screamed and yelled after being pushed to my limit with her.
#Help me get rid of my guilt.
placid tree
Last month, I was out of town for a friend’s wedding. She went to meet her friend when I was out of town, and ended up having moment with him and kissed him. We spoke the same night and she confessed, apologised and promised it would never happen again. I needed time to process it and she spent the entire next day calling me over 60 times to try to connect with me. But I just didn’t want to hear her voice. I felt like eventually my karma caught up to me. Once I was back in town, I thought we should cordially end it. So I asked her to join me outside for dinner so we can talk things through and call it. When we were outside, my closest friend calls me while I’m in the car with her and I answer on CarPlay and she immediately butts in and says hi to her. He says “Hi <name>, right? I thought you’re on of his side chicks”. Completely harmless joke. I am not a cheater. I have been cheated on before but I would never cheat on someone. She takes that joke personally and makes the evening all about herself. She hurls insults at me, calling me a liar, asking my friend to explain himself. I get on call and text with him telling him to explain his joke and he obviously does, but she’s so adamant to only accept what she thinks was true. The night ends with me dropping her home, feeling like shit yet again. Then she spends the night stalking my socials. Back in 2021, I went on two small trips with friends of mine. One of them a girl, who I’d told her about before, but didn’t tell her was on the trips we went to. She stalked her account. Found pictures of her. She found a picture of her and her ex fiancé holding hands, and told me thats my hand when it was clearly not. She used pictures of the trip as “evidence” that I was cheating on her.
She tied that to my friend’s marriage trip as well, saying that she went along with me, even though I went alone and up until the cheating incident was always in touch with her. She got angry, threw a fit, dug her nails into my arm making me bleed and accused me of cheating. I made her speak to the girl she accused me with, mutual friends, and my mother too. But she wouldn’t hear it. I felt like I was losing a battle I didn’t choose to fight. And then she called her mom, told her mom that I was harassing her and left. Her mom spoke to me for 10 minutes and I assured her that I did nothing of that sort and also assured her that I will not be speaking to her daughter ever again.
Why do I feel guilty of doing something I didn’t do? I know I did a lot of things wrong, but I never cheated on her. Why is it so hard to accept that? I never intended to marry this girl, so I don’t want to make things right, or reconcile. But I think she has already moved on and it makes it very hard for me to accept that I was nothing but just a distraction to her. I feel used and guilty. Please help me, I’ve never been this low in my life. And I’m sorry if this post triggered anyone, I just need advice.
patent lichen
She tied that to my friend’s marriage trip as well, saying that she went along w...
Maybe because she originally cheated on her ex bf then you and since you know how it feels to be cheated on you feel guilty you put someone through that
And not that you cheated but crossed the boundaries of being friends with her and drew her in to allow her to cheat
But you knew that going into this relationship she wouldn’t be someone who is loyal
placid tree
But you knew that going into this relationship she wouldn’t be someone who is lo...
Maybe I did and I was fooling myself. Trying to see the side of her that wasn’t just a cheater.
patent lichen
halcyon pine
Maybe because she originally cheated on her ex bf then you and since you know ho...
your very wise in my experience to be this wise some one must have hurt you i migh need your advice later
halcyon pine
Maybe I did and I was fooling myself. Trying to see the side of her that wasn’t ...
and dude not at all what he is saying i think this is translated down some bc that can bee lost while reading it but he is say u blame your self for wht happened and its not interally ur fault but now you know how ithe dthe other dude felt
halcyon pine
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correct me if im wrong plese