Nuggie - Diary of a Wimpy Adult

[devout garnet]

Nuggie Lore - Part 1

I have no clue why but the thought of naming this section the "lore" makes me chuckle a bit. So that's why that's a thing. I'm saying this now, I am a little bad at memory stuff so some things I may recall incorrectly or I may say something wrong or explain myself poorly, so I may go back and change things slightly if I remember stuff.

I was born on the 17th Feb 2003 in England. My mum and dad had me in a hospital. They weren't married, nor did they ever get married. My parents, from what I have heard from both sides, had an awful relationship. My mum has BPD because of how her parents (my grandparents) treated her. They always treated her lesser than her two brothers and made her feel alone and unwanted. I don't know all the details, or if she even told me the truth, but from what I know she ran away from home to live with my dad and ended up pregnant with me at around her mid 20's. My dad told me this too. I'm unsure what led to them falling out but while my mum was pregnant with me, they split up. My mum had to go to a placement for what my dad said was for "battered women". My mum said it was just a hostile though. I believe my dad in that case, since she probably wanted me on her side. My dad informed me that my mum had to get him done for being abusive to her and she wouldn't let him in the placement because of safeguarding and him being "the abuser". I doubt my dad would ever do this. But I don't really know him all that well...

Moving on, I was born relatively healthy (as far as I know) and I lived with my mum in a mother and baby placement. She wasn't ready for a kid, that's what she told me recently, but she tried her best. She got with this guy from Scotland when I was around 2 years old, despite my dad having permission to see me every weekend, she decided to move in with him so he couldn't visit me as often or as easily. We moved to Scotland and had a house together. Me, my mum and her new boyfriend. This guy was a great dad, but an awful partner for my mum. She told me he was cheating on her... that he cared about me more (as a father figure). He told her "I care more about being a dad to that kid than I do about being your future husband". I was on the stairs. A little 6 year old nuggie. Watching as my mum and her partner fought.

My life in Scotland was... questionable. Almost every day I'd spend my time by myself as my mother would sleep the days away most of the time. I knew more about the neighbour than I did about my mum at that point. Some old man that helped me take off the stabilizers on my bike. Chill dude. Anyway, there were some weird things that I used to do as a child. I'm not sure how to approach it so I'm gonna make a list :

Nuggie's childhood habits

• Drawing on the walls with Wotsits.
• Jumping the fence and running away to play by myself in the local playground.
• Calling my grandmother and reading her bedtime stories.
• Walking into an ARMY CAMP (yes I'm being serious).
• Getting lost and being taken back by police.
• Eating chocolate spread with my fingers.
• Consuming flowers.
• Watching "Happy Tree Friends", "Annoying Orange" and those weird "Scary Face" videos on YouTube.
• Walking into random people's homes.
• And way more.

A lot of the things I did were because of neglect. But I guess that changed when I turned 6... and my grandparents came to visit...

[devout garnet]

Nuggie Lore - Part 2

When I turned 6, my grandparents came to visit. My little child brain asked my mum "Hey can I go with Nannie and Grandad for a holiday please?". Of course she said yes and I was suddenly going to England. Things were fine for a while. But then a month passed. Then another. Then another... I started asking questions... "When's mummy coming to pick me up?" followed by shifty looks from my grandparents and non-direct answers. Eventually I turned 8 and I had to apply for a primary school. I had figured out at this point that this was no longer a fun holiday with my grandparents. This was my life.

The whole time this was happening my dad was in the background fighting for me. He went to court for me so many times just to be shut down by both my grandparents and my mum. I always think, what if he had won... my life would have been so different. Maybe even better. I think the world of my dad. He was... a good dad.

Throughout the twelve years I spent with my grandparents... there were good times... but mostly bad times. My grandmother was emotionally abusive and a narcissist, constantly telling me things like "You're doing that wrong, let me do it." and "You're not good enough for this." They had me using a Nokia Brick until I was 18 and I got my first Iphone from my mum. That's besides the point, my grandmother always looked down on me and never taught me life skills. She refused to let me do activites or anything remotely related to a fun trip out with school. She forced me to go to Church and made me go to a club called "Boys Brigade" even though I was female. She only made me go because apparently I needed to show my support for my uncle's new job as a youth worker there or some bullshit like that. Whenever I swore she would shove soap in my mouth. She was really old school... never let me misbehave without putting me on "The naughty step". Didn't know I had autism so blamed me and said I was just "misbehaving". She never let me do anything really. I just sat there like some kind of decoration. A trophy for them to say "I helped this poor kid when her mother decided to give up." Give up. I've heard that a lot. And you'll hear these words a lot in this journal.

My grandfather on the other hand... he was physically abusive. Every time I cried or swore or stepped out of line. SMACK! Right on the butt. Used to threaten me with that a lot too. "IF YOU CARRY ON I'LL MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN FOR A WEEK." That always shut me up. It wasn't sexual in any way. It was an old fashioned way of punishing your kids. Make them suffer because you can't be bothered to teach with words. Use your fists if they aren't listening. Break them until they can't bear to be around you when they cry, in fear you'll hurt them again. I learned from him... I'm not allowed to cry around people. It annoys people... the noise... the mess I make when I had an autistic meltdown and decided to roll around on the floor frustrated cause I had no idea how to express how I was feeling. They didn't know it was autism. They assumed I was just a naughty kid. That I needed to be corrected... the only way they knew how...

[devout garnet]

Nuggie Lore - Part 3

I don't have many memories of Primary School. My best and only friend was Rachel, a weird girl who literally thought I was some kind of deity for some reason? I have no idea. I remember a few things like... I wanted to be a "Dream Investigator". Not a real job but oh well. The reason I wanted to be this was because I had this weird thing where I could remember every single dream and they would somehow always continue from the last one. So my imaginative ass decided to interlink my reality with my dreams by planning my next dream plan and drawing maps and shit with Rachel. I also remember my brief popularity spike where I pretended to be Chucky (not knowing what it even was at the time) and scaring the other girls by crawling under the toilet doors (it was part of the game I knew they weren't peeing or anything). I also remember being put in isolation for hitting a guy I had a crush on called Kai (Huge doctor who fan) with a hula hoop. Fun.

Secondary School wasn't any better. I never wanted to go in, for good reason too... I had a medium ish sized friend group of quite a few people. All of whom were kind of similar to me. Here's who I hung out with (if I remember rightly) :

Teenage Nuggie's friend group

• Aiden (Autistic and got bullied a lot for it)
• Daisy (Aiden's girlfriend at the time, also autistic)
• Martha (I don't even know how to describe this femoid. Weird... christian girl...? Also my best friend at the time I'm allowed to be mean >:3)
• Sophie (The emo one)
• Oliver (Fruity dude who ended up being a horrible bully)
• Harvey (The year 7 that somehow ended up hanging out with us)
• James (The annoying ginger dude who bullies everyone but is somehow included?)
• Callum (My first boyfriend... an abusive c*nt who was held back twice)

Weird group... right? I didn't really fit in at first if I'm honest. I hung out with the older kids. Basically the school playground was segregated into two sections - the older kids on the top part, and the younger ones on the bottom. All that seperated us was this weird old staircase. When I was in the younger group I used to go up the stairs and chill with the older kids with a juice box in my hand acting like I was tough shit. Got dubbed "The juicebox kid" for my first year of school. Beautiful nickname, very proud of that one.

I then met Martha. My new best friend who did everything with me. My little sidekick. She followed me like a lost puppy and copied everything I did (best form of flattery by the way). We used to design minecraft skins with those square grid papers even though I had never played the game once in my life at that point. We also designed minecraft houses and stuff like that. Came up with names for places and designed them. We also used to joke around in Religious Education because our teacher was an absolute Karen. Used to scream at the boys in the corner for being on their phones. I didn't have that issue considering I had a Nokia.

The bullying was terrible...

Nuggie Lore - Part 4

Every day in the morning I would be greeted by my personal bully. Callum. A big beefy guy who's parents were drug addicts and smoked who knows what. He smoked, drank alcohol... total bad boy. Every morning he'd look through my bag and take what he wanted from the lunch my grandmother made me. It wasn't even worth it in my opinion for a shitty made cheese sandwich and a bag of quavers. But pop off I guess? He had a ritual of kicking me in the shin every morning. Told me not to tell anyone or I'd pay for it. Somehow... he ended up confessing to me? I'm not sure if it was some kind of weird prank or what... but we ended up getting into a "relationship". I was 15 and he was 16. We called every night until my Nokia ran out of credit. But it wasn't like we had anything to talk about. We kinda just discussed Geometry Dash shit cause it was his favourite game.

One day I introduced him to my grandparents. They weren't happy. They made us sit in the living room... while they watched us awkwardly talk to each other. I ended up walking him to the end of the road one time and he took me to the alleyway by my house. He then, I shit you not, proceeded to pull out a plastic bottle and PEE IN IT WHILE I WAS RIGHT THERE. Didn't warn me or nothin. Traumatizing. Anyway we ended up breaking up because he was still bullying me in public and didn't say we were dating to any of our friend group. He even denied it when I tried to tell everyone and made me look stupid.

The bullying got worse. James and Oliver (his best mates) were starting to get involved. Oliver actually tore up my art piece for an exam because it was "cringe". Weeks of work torn up on the grass. He also played a joke on me by asking me out and then kissing a girl in front of me. Thanks for that I guess? The bullying got worse. So much worse... every day, beaten up and my possessions were thrown everywhere. Like clockwork, I'd come in and they'd be waiting for me. If one of them were sick there would always be another one in their place.

Eventually I started refusing to go in. My grandparents couldn't really do much. They tried everything from abuse to promise of treats and trips out. My uncle even came up with this thing called "Uncle Vouchers". Funniest shit ever cause I kept photocopying them and it confused the crap out of him when I would just be like "TAKE ME TO WALKING WITH DINOSAURS PEASANT" and he'd be like "Where do you keep getting these?". Eventually he figured out what I was doing though.

[devout garnet]

Nuggie Lore - Part 5

My introduction to discord... was... fun? I joined because this minecraft:pocket edition server wanted me to be an admin? This YouTuber called MrPiggy owned it. I featured in a TON of his streams on YouTube and such. I ended up being a helper so they told me I was required to have Discord. I had to BEG my grandmother to put it on my kindle fire. But to have discord... I'd need SAFARI... cause technically it wasn't available on the device I had. So after copious amounts of begging and pleading. Finally... they removed parental controls... I shit you not my dopamine was through the roof when I joined this server.

MrPiggy was questionable at best. He was a young MCPE server owner (I was 15 ish) with quite a lot of popularity on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDGm3sbD7jM

I just found his YouTube and holy MMMM the memories are just... so good man. I used to play on Rivalcraft a lot back in the day so this just brings me so much joy.

That's kinda all I have to say about it but yeah... fun times.