will i ever move on?

[devout adder]

He just broke up with me i just lost my best and only friend in the world I've been working on myself really hard to be better for him and myself i know i got issues and i leave when things tend to get hard i jusr really wanted for it to be him it sucked knowing that he was my first for everything while i was just another girl but i truly didn't feel like it anymore i don't have any friends or anyone i can talk to i'm alone all day and that's all i can think about i have no wlay of getting my head of thouse things. He just got me in every way i love him so much I hate him i hate I tried to open up to my sister but she laughed to me off i want to text him and call him i just need him right now more then anything, Him saying he doesn't feel the same as he used to anymore and he doesn't see us being happy together in the future made me physiclly ill my heart hurts my head hurts my eyes are sore from crying all day I feel like i"m going to die of a broken heart just yesterday i was having the best time with him laughing and being intimate waking up to thouse words hurt like a stab wond I can't delete his pictures ot throw away what he gave me all i'm doing is rereading out messeges and thinking about him and his brown eyes the way he holds me kisses me the kind words he used to say his I love yous. I feel like i just lost a part of me I don't feel real I can't move eveything hurts i can't think of anything but him I love him so much I just want this to be a stupid prank and him to call me and apologize anytime i get a nonofication i hope it's him it's not even been a day and it feels like forever without him. God i Hate him i Hate him so much i wish i never met him and i was just living my boring meaningless life without the thought of him on my mind i wish i never replyed to him i wish i never dated him i wish he never exisged I wish i went on with my life alone like i'm ment to. Love is the most pain i've ever felt. he'll move on and i'll be stuck waiting for him.

It feels so out of blue yk? last week he ordered a custom painting of us bc he wanted to match pfp of us as anime charakters. He was saying I love you normaly wanted to talk and yesterday we like did ,,it,, if you know so i just don't understand where that came from. I'm always there for him i listen i try to understand and help. he needed reasurence bc of his anxiety attachment and i have avoidant attachment that makes me close down for some time i have been working hard and doing really well thouse past few months trully been happy. i tried everything i tried my best is my best not even good enough? I was trying new stuff and finally getting hobbies i tried to make friends it's hard but I really want some cool people in my life its important. My mental and physicall health been improving i felt the best i've ever felt i didn't need anyone but him he was my motivation for everything i felt like that for him to. We didn't fight we talked when we had issues we never left each other on read or seen we talked every day when me or him had an bad day and needed to be left alone we did but still have signs we are there for each other. i just don't know what has gone wrong Maybe it's my looks? I know i don't have the best body and he is kind of out of my league but never made me feel ugly always complemented me. i can't figure out how. why. just why?

[ivory lintel]

You'll think about this, over and over
But you'll never really know why
It's a tough moment but you have to regain your energy by yourself, and most important you have to do it for yourself
It takes time, you'll feel many times that you can't move on
It's alright, you still love him, you still expect all of this to be a nightmare
Take care of yourself, breath, meet new people, go make new things
It'll help you to move on

[opaque mica]

Okay I legit just had the exact same thing and I got over it, here's what I did. Listen you don't have to delete his pictures, you can look at them and cry and be sad, it's natural now I can't help you fully but I can tell you this. I'm not saying that you should just not care about the breakup. I'm saying you should learn from it, heal from it and become the best of you. You want to feel better? Then you must make yourself feel better. No one can understand you. Except for yourself. Go out with your friends, don't have any? Make some new ones, join some clubs meet people, and yes I know it will be hard trust me I've been through it. But just know that the first push it always the hardest.

[forest meteor]

The only true personal growth comes from loss, it’s terrible he’s gone, but if it was meant to be, he would have stayed, there’s not much you or anyone here can do other than say what to do next, and try to pick up the pieces, if you ever need talk, myself and others are free a lot and are good listeners with solid advice

[alpine light]

I just went through something similar, she was the avoidant attached and I was the anxious attached, she hates love saying it makes her feel trapped and caged. There's no way I could ever change her mind in that no matter how much she makes my heart race. Every time I tried to show her how beautiful love was she just hated it more. I put her before myself even still, asking for not much upkeep but even the little I did require she found it laborous to provide. Everything hurts for me as well, it's hard to even find meaning in life without her even if she still is my best friend and we talk every day regardless. I don't quite know how I can help you, but I can relate to what you're feeling now. So at least know you aren't alone in the pain. What these others have said sound reasonable and I'll be giving it a try as well.

[devout adder]

Thank you for all the advice :)) it might sound weird to say it so early after the break up but everything is so quiet and at peace right now it’s 6 am I’m just starring outside the window and listening to the birds i never realised just how much of myself i have put in this relationship i lived and breathed him and him bring around waking up the first thing i was doing was texting him. Right now i don’t know what to do I’m at a loss i got into this routine every single free moment i had i used to think about him call him or text. The next days will be long and hard but I’m already starting to feel at peace with what happened writing it all out helpped a lot too ^^ i might not date for a long time but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be happy in that meanwhile i just want to improve be healthy mentaly and physiclly to the point i will feel like I’m actually ready. Well anyways thank you for sharing your expiriences :)) if really means a lot to me knowing other people also had simular situations i won’t let this sadness consume me i will cry and let it out i will also live my life happy in the end my life doesn’t end becouse of a break up at 18 yo.

[ivory lintel]

That's the spirit
Never forget that
Feel free to come back when you don't feel good, there will be always someone to cheer you up

[devout adder]

Omg i can’t breathe idk what to do omg omg there was another girl he was cheating on me this while time omg i feel sick my heart hurts i can’t beathe what do i do

What do i do omg what do i do

[ivory lintel]

First, shoulders opened and chin high, take deep and long breath

Then you let the time heal you

[devout adder]

Is it weird i'm kinda already over him- deadass i've been thinking a lot and he was lowkey a huge d(i)uk.... didn't have a huge either... he forced me into some things i didn't want rushed into a relationship, told me he loved me 3 days into us talking, love bombed me, used me, was contorilling when it came to me handing out with friends, always forgot our anniversary? always asked to do stuff with him and when i didn't want to he had to go, lied about quitting smoking, didn't want to do it with prottection bc ,,it's not the same,, had 12 relationships before me? 8 bodies too. was in a polly relationship NEVER bought me flowers? Man why the flip was i crying over him

I don't hate him i just realised that he's not perfect like i thought