i have no idea if I'm the problem

[rose birch]

i'm lowk losing my mind and have no idea if i'm the reason i cant find anyone who even remotely shows any interest in me, and have 0 idea whether i'm just unattractive and nobody wants to say it to my face, or if i'm somehow creating an issue or being an issue that makes me unlovable, every talking stage or situation i get into always ends with shit hitting the fan and its happened enough times to make me wonder if i'm the problem, pm me if you want to talk more or just interact with the chat i need someone to be honest with me, i'll be completely transparent about any questions

Update: blocked someone who i can only guess is using me for attention, and now I’m only more confused and anxious about my position and have no idea what to think

Update 2: things are better, but confusing, i've managed to care less about the struggle, partially because i think the less i care the better my odds are at becoming a better person, but at the same time, i'm becoming more self aware and seeing less problems, and i'm tied between thinking that its me coping, or if i've convinced myself i'm actually just unlovable, thanks for all the help you guys are giving, other opinions are always the best to hear, because sometimes i overthink and believe i found something, but turns out to be nothing at all.

Update 3: coming to terms with my faults and just building that beautiful garden ||im trying to figure out if people are just making silly assumptions and saying I’m hypersexual or if I’m just horny all the time, without an outlet of that form, I’ve got some reason to believe I may be and know what the trigger would be, only saying in DMs.. (if you have anything to say please pm me )|| working my way back and just seeing how I can just generally be a better person, I’m drinking less and working out more as an outlet, any perspectives or ideas any age or gender are massively appreciated

[rose jacinth]

hi i’d love to help, if you’d like to vent about it more so i can understand your situation better :)

[rose birch]

i mean there's not really much else to elaborate on other than just anecdotes on how talking stages i've been in have gone wrong

like i've got a few really close friends that would be honest to me about it, but they're all in a similar predicament to me, and one in particular, who is easily the funniest person i know, and is by default, traditionally attractive, who cannot even maintain a relationship with someone who multiple people even claimed wasnt even any where close to his league, and he was putting in all the effort and seemed like the best person to be in a relationship with, but it went wrong

and then another, with easily the most popular person i know had someone cheat on him

i dont know if its just the environment i'm in, or if i, and others are actually causing the issues

and whenever i talk to girls it just never ends well whatsoever, and always ends with me looking stupid, and i'm concerned if i'm genuinely unnattractive 😭

[rose jacinth]

It feels like you’re putting a lot of blame on yourself though. There is always two sides to the story when it comes to breakups or ending talking stages. You may take influence from how the people around you are doing in their relationships but, a relationship really has two sides to them. It doesn’t matter if you’re attractive nor if you have the most amazing personality, things don’t work out for a reason because those people were not meant for you. nor were the others meant for your friends !! it’s normal to get nervous around girls, it’s just a matter of getting comfortable with rejection and going with the flow of people you will meet

cus most people will honestly end up being life lessons, as much as that sucks. you will most definitely meet someone you will fully connect with but, at the moment you’re young- it’s okay to have fleeing companionships with people who u get along with cus they’re part of the small chapter of ur life for a reason, not the entire book

[rose birch]

it's not even that i get nervous, like i'm quite confident, and dont usually like exposing myself like this, but i have no idea if i'm doing anything wrong, like the main reason i came on here was because i was talking to this girl about a year ago, and she randomly ghosted me, and now she's come back into my dms asking about how i am and acting like nothing happened, and suddenly bombarding me with compliments and asking to see me? So i don't know if she's now suddenly interested or if this is another stupid joke on me

[rose birch]

i'd consider myself quite interpersonally intelligent, i like to think in depth about why i act the way i do, and the same applies to other people, but this is the one thing that has me stumped, because no matter what i take on board from where i think i could have made a mistake, or how i better myself, nothing seems to change

and if i make any progress, its usually quite forced and has a minimal positive impact

[rose jacinth]

I see, well that does honestly sound suspicious, I’d be wary in situations like that because it’s like you say, she might’ve been coming back for the sake of attention or some other (hopefully not for ridicule) reason.

[rose birch]

i mean her reasoning did make sense, but i thought pretty much the same thing, and my other friends have all said similar

[rose jacinth]

yea thatd be my first thought, especially the sudden compliments after that long of not speaking to each other makes whole thing sound even more sus

[rose jacinth]

also in regards to this, if you’d like an outside honest perspective, im free to talk in dms :)

[rose birch]

yeah, and she'll randomly make a sexual remark, and then say something about her boyfriend? like i noticed it as a pattern immediately and don't know what to think

like i've considered blocking her but dk atp

[rose birch]

yeah i'll probably take you up on that, most of it is obvious, like i started boxing a year ago and made some progress i've been super pleased with

like i found its something i'm really good at, and started doing interclubs and amateur fights and i've got a perfect 5 fight 5 win record, and picked up some attention from school with other people who do similar sports

[rose jacinth]

that’s really awesome, once u find something ur really good at it’s seriously such a very great outlet to have. boxing is also badass so even cooler !!

[rose jacinth]

okay i don’t like this, sounds very attention seeky by trying to mess with you with off putting “jokes.” especially if she has a whole ass bf now…

[rose birch]

i know, and i think the reason she's doing this, or what she said word for word as we spoke about how things used to be when we started talking (over a year ago) i seemed quite forward

and in her words "nah you talked really differently, im sorry that i'm saying this but you were horny asf 24/7 too" so i think she's just trying to prey on that for attention, and ik i'm still the same if not worse but i can at least not show it and self regulate significantly better than to when we first started talking, way before i started having any of these issues

[rose jacinth]

i understand, but i don’t see the point in coming back to say that while having a bf !! she seems to want to provoke u somehow, when people literally change, it’s been a whole year since then..

[rose birch]

thats exactly what i thought, and idk how to ask her directly without making things awkward

[rose jacinth]

oh what’d u want to ask her?

[rose birch]

because she'll constantly say she has problems with her bf and the things she will say are wrong with him, in the next message say i'm good at

[rose birch]

what she actually wants out of talking to me, because she wouldnt just pick me back up after a year for no reason, there must have been more to it than just remembering me and saying i cared

[rose jacinth]

yea um, she seems dissatisfied with her own relationship and wants that momentary high of attention u gave her so long ago. try not to give in to that tho- those kinds of girls are lowkey not worth ur effort. but i understand being curious, i definitely do think u should ask for the sake of clearing up the air instead of the aimless and unclear back and forth shes playing around with.

[rose birch]

i'll probably just be super blunt, because there's no point in wasting my time, like talking to these people only confuses me more, because i'll just swing between thinking i'm attractive because these people want my attention in this kind of way, and then thinking i'm screwed bc nobody actually wants me
edited bc it was blocked due to profanity ???

[rose jacinth]

it’s easy to feel flattered because these people are coming back to u, but most will come back literally just because of sudden surges of the good memories that make those past connections seem “better” than what they have now (her bf). but, that is an extremely immature way to think because u have someone right there for u like ?? get rid of ur bf first if u wanna be doing all that

sorry i just passionately hate cheaters

[rose birch]

yeah so do i, i used to be friends with a girl that would lie about people SA'ing her, cheat on boyfriends, was a ket head, smoked and vaped 24/7 and tried to take some crazy videos of me in my sleep

like the second i found out about the fake SA stuff and the caught her trying to take the videos she tried to take when she stayed over at my house, i blocked her on everything and completely cut contact

[rose jacinth]

okay while in ur sleep- that is extremely concerning o.o glad u got rid of that tho, sounds like she would’ve kept going with that mentally ill bs

[rose jacinth]

pathological liar tho, ive had my share of experiences with one as well

[rose birch]

the worst part is one of the friends i mentioned before is super close friends with her still, as they have been for years and he wont listen to me when i say how shitty she is and claims she's "changed" in the span of like 6 months

[rose jacinth]

uhh that kind of mentality cannot change in months- give her YEARS.. people can easily pretend they’ve “changed.” but like, at least she’s not impacting u directly anymore, i would still keep my distance lol

[rose birch]

That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell him, people only change through loss, and all she’s done is take from other people and selfishly sustain herself, she’s just a manipulative parasite

[rose birch]

To be honest I need an outside perspective, when are you available?

[rose jacinth]

Dmed you !

[rose birch]

Thanks !! 🫶🏻

[rose birch]

update 🔥

[rose jacinth]

hi i saw ur update and no one is unlovable just so u know !! you very much are and making the effort to see mistakes u might’ve made in past talking stages is already huge. i think doing that before jumping into any other relationship would help so much in the long run.

[rose birch]

Thanks <3 I’m just talking to a few people and trying to come to terms with where I’ve messed up, or just things I’ve had on my mind over the years