ocean tapir
I broke up with my long distance gf a month or so ago and it was because I lost feelings. I still wanted to be friends but she didn’t want to and she did something that caused me to snap at her.
My therapist tells me that I’m far too mature for my age(began maturing like this when I was 16) and while that can be a good thing, it isn’t entirely the best. After we broke up, I’ve read a ton of books on BPD but one stuck to me the most like I Hate You Don’t Leave Me. It made me realize a lot on why I lost feelings and why she shouldn’t be in a relationship right now— that she should be concentrating on herself. She doesn’t understand that tho.
When I was telling her that I wanted to break up, she lashed out on me and I let her. It was unfair as well because she said that she was going to give all my stuff back but I wasn’t allowed to give back hers. There was one time she spammed me with texts and knowing her, I didn’t respond so I could let that simmer— however she desperately urged me to call her so she could apologize… yet I constantly told her that we shouldn’t be talking right now and that we should give it some time like a month to think this over(a week after the breakup). However, as she was someone with BPD and a rocky homelife, she desperately needs closure and at the time, didn’t consider how I felt especially because she thought I deserved it since I was the one breaking up with her.
She did this right after my shift(I work at a daycare with a bunch of rowdy kids I was not in a good mood) and on a Friday when I was planning to take a mental health day. That’s when I snapped at her. I regret it, but my friend told me that she’s facing the actions of her own consequences, and I know she is, but I still care about her.
I sort of just need someone to talk to. You’re free to ask me questions because I’m using this as a vessel to open myself up. Especially if you are diagnosed with BPD, I would like your insight.
shadow zodiac