#How do i make my partner feel loved?

445 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

blazing jacinth
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Me n my gf r in a rough patch rn. We’ve been thru a lot of ups and downs, we’ve broken up more than once by now. The first time was bc of circumstances (homophobia n my parents n all), but the next times were bc of me. I always make her feel so shit. Im complicated and messy. Me, her, and the friend tht we both vent to, agree tht its always every two weeks tht ill suddenly hv another problem.

For example, at the start of our relationship, i had severe jealousy and insecurity problems. Also I kept misreading her n thinking that shes ignoring me or mad at me when shes not. Ive hurt her sm at different points of time, to the point now, she even hates doing some of the things that she loved doing w me, like art n music. Theres a lot more, its a long story, but the point is, ive hurt her deeply, ive made her feel bad on so many occassions.

Currently, theres another problem too. Shes been busy studying for her college entrance exams (theres multiple), n shes also generally js havent been in the best state of mind. She doesnt hv any time for me anymore. Meanwhile, these days ive been wanting to spend more time w her. I kept bothering her w it, being all needy. But then she told me how bad shes having it rn, n i feel bad. All this time shes had her own problems, n i didnt notice, instead i js kept adding onto her problems. I acted so self centered, i focused more on what i felt instead of hers. She has told me to just give her time and also for me to put in the effort to make things still, not cause so many troubles. She’s said tht, once shes ready, she’ll face me once again.

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But last night, i made the mistake of taking her stories too srsly. She said she wanted to make a spotify blend w someone, i offered, but turns out shes alr talked abt it w other ppl n she did it w someone else. Plus the fact tht she hates doing stuff like art n music w me now, ofc she wouldnt wanna do it w me. But i got too ahead of myself, felt a lil jealous abt it. Then she asked if i wanted to break up. She said she feels unloved by me, that i dont love her. I do things like make gifts for her, make handmade stuff w clay, buy snacks, say gm and gn everyday, try to find time to spend w her, but she says they feel like decorations to cover up the cracks. She just wants it simple, she just wants love. She wants the small things, meanwhile i focused too much on giving my love in my own way, but she doesnt feel it. Her friends says its like i give her all that stuff js bc shes my muse, but im not present in it. That shes js there for me to pour my money and handywork into.

Her friend also thinks that i dont love her, that what i feel towards her is js attachment. Id hate to think of it that way, but w 2 ppl telling me tht, i start to doubt myself, i feel like i cant even trust what i myself feel or think. I want to fix things. I want to make her feel loved. If what ive felt rlly hasnt been love, then i want to feel love. I want to know what love is. I want to be able to do those small things that make her feel loved. I want to be able to treat her right. How do i do all of that?

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Also, i hv severe self hate n self loathing. They mostly come from the fact that ive been such a horrible person n treated my gf badly. I want to fix myself for her. But her friend says thats also why i make her feel unloved. If i cant even taste love for me and from myself, then how can i give love to other ppl? She said i need to learn how to do it for myself, not for her. To fix myself for me. How do i learn to love myself more? And how do i do fix things for myself, when all these years ive always done it for my gf?

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<@&993332385670246420> can someone give me advice? preferrably someone my age or older

blazing jacinth
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Also I think part of the reason she doesn't feel loved is because i'm not attentive enough. She has said before that i never listen to her, and i think that's why she doesn't feel loved and doesn't open up to me. Like how i didnt notice she was struggling and in a bad mental space, and instead i added more burdens on her with my demands. How do i be more attentive and listen more?

daring sorrel
# blazing jacinth Also I think part of the reason she doesn't feel loved is because i'm not attent...

sorry, im only 17, but since no one replied i will say this: yeah i think she is kind of more into you spending time WITH her and not spending time making things for her or spending money on her. I have found key to being a good listener is to just hold yourself back from stating your opinion until the time is right. And you can even do this thing where you repeat back what she says to make sure you are on the same page. Also, hugs are nice and convey more love than words can. Actions speak louder than words, remember that. I hope this advice helps, and if it doesn't, blame the fact that I never had a gf. Feel free to dm me anytime if you want

blazing jacinth
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Ty for the advice, also how do i apologize? Can anyone give me tips or pointers? Im trying to see if theres anything i can do better

daring sorrel
# blazing jacinth Ty for the advice, also how do i apologize? Can anyone give me tips or pointers?...

OMG I'm so so so sorry, i didnt get a notification. When you apologize it's crucial to not make it to cringy but also pick the right time, when they arent too busy. Just let it come from the heart. When I apoligize, i make sure to say 100% the truth. Maybe something like :

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for (blahblah). I was definetly too (blahblah) in the moment. I hope you can forgive me, but even if you don't, know that I learned from my mistake and it wont happen again."

Its general, but it is a flexible template. I hope this helps. Also, make sure to @ me next time! I really want to help you out!

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel OMG I'm so so so sorry, i didnt get a notification. When you apologize it's cruc...

Its fine, i rlly appreciate u giving me advice ^^ also ive already apologized and we talked it through. We're on good terms now, I've also asked for some help from her and for her to be more involved with me and my struggles, and she willingly agreed. Ive been trying to keep my problems in and fix them myself but it isnt working and instead it also causes trouble for both me n her, so we're trying to approach things differently

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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My gf might commit suicide (Old: How do i make my partner feel loved?)

blazing jacinth
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She made a story this morning abt killing herself by midnight if a miracle doesnt happen. My messages havent been getting sent, the same applies to her friends, we dont know where she is, she hasnt been at home

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Its currently night and i cant leave my house, a friend of hers is searching for her rn

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I feel so helpless, idk what to do

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I think she blocked me, idk why, its been well recently so idk why

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I feel so anxious, scared, and nervous, i wish i could do more, but idk what else i can do, no one knows where she is

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<@&993332385670246420>

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
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shes ok now, we found her

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
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How do i make my partner feel loved?

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel ok good

She wasnt serious abt commiting suicide, but it did make me worry and feel rlly scared. She apologized for it, she feels really guilty for having put me thru that experience. She said she thinks we should break up bc we js keep hurting each other, esp after yesterday. She said that we're not meant to be, salt and sand. It really hurts to hear that. Especially since we just talked abt us approaching our problems differently, and for her to be more involved in me. I want to be more involved with her too. I thought that, we can still keep on trying, even after so much trying before. That we could still do our best to make it work. But she says we tried, and we failed. And she doesnt want to hurt us anymore. She keeps taking the blame on herself. Saying that its all her fault when it obv isnt, its unrealistic, ive obv had my own part in it as well. She said that, her heart broke when i admitted to being unsure if what i felt was love or just attachment issues. I think its both, i do love her, but my attachment issues are muddying that. She said that shes sorry for lying and scheming. Shes felt like shes been planning so many ways to get me back, and for me to face her, to look at her and listen, to just love her, but she said that her plans failed. I didnt know of these plans she had. I said that, she could always just ask, but she responded that she did and i didnt do it. I rlly do want to do all of that, so its frustrating that i didnt. She feels rlly guilty. I feel like, im greedy and selfish for this, but even with all that, i still want to stay, for us to stay and be together. I still want to be able to talk to her and meet up, for me to hold her and kiss her, go on dates w her. I still want to help her, and for her to help me. I dont want us to be over. She said that we'll meet eventually when its necessary, like at graduation or the diner before graduation. But i want more, esp since we'd barely be able to talk bc of how busy we'll be.

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I want to hold her, to rlly soak it in that shes still alive

icy cliff
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
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We dont want to leave her or give up on her

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
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I think this might js be it, its over. Shes going to bid goodbye at graduation, and a few months later she'll move for college. My heart still wants her back so badly, but my brains understands that she needs the space away from me to respect herself and also heal and not become like me. I dont want her to be like me either, its hell and its horrible. I just wish there was still a little more time for us to spend as our last moment

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I already miss her so much

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
daring sorrel
viral gust
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@blazing jacinth you're so me, I understand yiyr dedication when it comes to loving someone and I see you lin, have a heart of gold the most precious even more precious than my broken one.

Back to topic... Give her some space like a week or so after that maybe go to her home with her favorite flowers she might like that? Or in school. And dont forget to give her some space later in then get close with her by giving ebar she like

blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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I miss her a lot. I dont want us to be strangers, but her friend says we basically already are. She has said to me that she'd still be my friend, but im not sure if she meant it or she js said that bc she didnt want me to kms. Her friend says that, ill probably be a friend to her in the way that anyone could be ur friend, but not ur FRIEND friend. I still wish for a hope that maybe one day in the future, when ive gotten better, that we can go back together. But she said even if that happens, she wouldnt come back. It hurts

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel Sorry to hear that, but it will feel better over time

I think she changed her mind and isnt even going to bid goodbye w me at graduation. She said she had smth she wanted to give too as a parting gift, but i dont think shes even going to come up to me or maybe even look at me. It hurts. I really wanted the closure, especially a proper goodbye and a parting gift. I know considering what ive done, the pain and hurt and damage that ive caused her, that i dont even deserve that. I dont deserve anything from her, i deserve nothing. Even the fact that she still wanted to say goodbye and give a parting gift was already so nice of her. Ive made her feel so neglected, unwanted, unneeded, and unloved. She has every right to not want to ever have any kind of contact with me. Ik im being selfish and greedy, but i rlly want that proper goodbye and parting gift. To hv that proper closure.

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I dont think she even still wants to be friends w me or anything

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All her friends are done w me too. I think theyre truly sick of me. I feel so guilty. I rlly am the shitty ex. I dont hv anyone on my side, and for good reason. I dont tell my friends abt my relationship issues, bc ik deep down its my fault. And im afraid that if they hear it, they wouldnt want to be friends w me anymore and theyll leave me. I think one of these days, ill them tho. And ill let them leave if they do want to. This guilt is eating me from the inside. Im starting to look so gloomy and soggy that its ruining the mood and ofc who wants to talk to someone whos so soggy and moody. I feel so alone

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I remember her talking fondly of the ppl she used to love. Im her first partner ever, the first person shes dated, but shes talked to me abt her previous crushes. She talks with such fondness. But when i think abt how she'll talk abt me in the future, i cant imagine her talking in that same fondness. Im not sure if therell even be a drop of it

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Even if she'll still be fond of the memories and what we once were, itd always be bittersweet. And i caused that bitterness.

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If i was better, a better and just a good person overall, maybe we couldve worked out. Maybe i couldve loved her properly, treat her right. But i didnt, i only cause so much pain and hurt to her

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She cries almost every night bc of me. I hate that i cause that. I hate that im not aware or self conscious enough to hv fixed things and fixed myself

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I wish i could turn back time to the moment i met her. Maybe i couldve known better w all that ik now, and did things differently, better. Maybe we couldve worked out

daring sorrel
daring sorrel
# blazing jacinth I dont think she even still wants to be friends w me or anything

Honestly, with how she is feeling about you, it's probably better for both of you to stay away from each other. Although I don't think it should be like having a restraining order. And saying goodbye in-person wouldn't be a problem imo, but you if she told you she doesnt want to see you, you have to respect that. Sadly, its the bitter truth

daring sorrel
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blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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daring sorrel
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@blazing jacinth Wow I actually was online for once when you responded

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It's good you seem to understand what's going on

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some people are oblivious and don't take any blame during break-ups

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So that's one thing you have going for you

blazing jacinth
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thats true, at least i do know that ive made mistakes and hurt her, i saw a different post here where the ex didnt take any blame or hv any guilt at all, it felt surreal

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
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its 11:11 AM here

blazing jacinth
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its 10.11 pm, at night

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damn thats an 11 hour difference

daring sorrel
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wow crazy

blazing jacinth
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fr yea, just timezone things i guess lol

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel So that's one thing you have going for you

We got back together again. 4 days ago we still texted, n she rlly does wish id fix things even if she thinks its over. At night, i asked for a bit of time to think things through. I was trying to figure out exactly the problem and how to fix it, how to apologize. I talked a bit abt it w her friend, and her friend agreed w me tht its mainly the fact that i didnt come home to her. I consider her my home, and she knows this, we've talked abt it. She felt like shes cleaned up the house, decorated it, and waited for me to come home. But i never did, i left and didnt come back. Shes tired of waiting by the door, and she might js close the door. She felt neglected. She felt like my friends were more my home than she is. I wanted to fix things, but i ran out of time. I texted her the next morning but i was too late.

After that, i acted super irrationally. I waited near her house, wanting to talk w her. I acted like a creep waiting for her. We did end up talking for a bit. But i came unprepared. I only ended up talking abt myself, n it achieved nothing.

When i came home, i calmed down. A friend of hers also told me some stuff. They ended up help making a plan. The next day, i made paper flowers, dressed up nice, n prepared to do the plan. Our class year had a parting dinner. I went there, she didnt look at my eyes n js avoided me, but i kept calm n acted casually w my friends. After the dinner, we went to the mall w friends. Then after that, since i didnt hv a ride home, i went w her n some other friends. When we arrived, i asked her if we could take a walk. She agreed. It was night n we walked to a park n sat there. Throughout it, i talked n acted calmly, i was relaxed, i think it made her more relaxed too. Then we talked abt a lot of things. It was more of the kind of deep convo where we talked abt all sorts of stuff. Then, i took out the flowers n asked her if i can be her gf. She asked why. I answered a lot of stuff. But it wasnt the answer, she still asked why.

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Then i said it, bc i love u. It was that simple, that was the answer she was looking for. We got back tgt, its been a few days n we've texted like normal.

But i think shes dissatisfied. Her friend told me that after that night, she was suspicious, she thought there was no way i made tht smooth plan myself. And shes right. Her friend says shes angry at herself for having fallen again, for not having a backbone, when b4 she was so resolute on us being over.

She was also a bit annoyed that it took me that long to say ily after she asked why like 3 times. Her friend says that she said im still the same, that she thought i did tht for her sake n not mine, but she thinks shes mistaken abt that thought.

I want to make it up to her. Ive asked her out on a small picnic date, all planned by myself. She said she can if shes not busy by then. Ive also been trying to change, weve talked abt this doc b4 that id make to help me change myself n be better. Ive made it but its not finished. Its got a few stuff in it. Any thoughts or advice?

daring sorrel
# blazing jacinth Then i said it, bc i love u. It was that simple, that was the answer she was loo...

my advice, is don't mess up again mainly. In my opinion, it's quite lucky to get another shot at something like this. So make sure to listen but more importantly do the right things from what you hear. No one likes a person who just talks about themselves all the time, and they also dont like people who never do the things that are asked of them. Also, I want to say "Be yourself" but you have made a few mistakes in the past and you shouldnt repeat those, just try to think before you do or say things. Especially think about how it would make her feel. But congratulations on getting back together! I'm sure it took some courage to do that.

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel I know you can do it! I'm cheering for you

Thx a lot ^^ ive been trying to put more effort in doing more. ive been texting her first more, sharing her abt my day, n also asking her how shes been too. her answers arent much, but i rlly appreciate that she still does answer. a friend of hers did tell me that she had her suspicions that i asked her out w some help. shes a bit dissapointed, but i think shes overall fine? either way, im thinking of acknowledging it, but also making up for it. i asked her out on a picnic date some time later. shes kind of busy, so she'll tell me if theres a day when she can. the picnics also gonna be kind of for her birthday too. im planning to give her gifts, n also make some food n drinks. basically arrange it all myself. aside from that, ik i hv to also change myself for the better. esp in terms of being more loving and kind to myself too. ive been writing on a doc, reading up on stuff, n also try to practice what i write, esp in terms of regulating my emotions. i hope ill be able to keep doing them consistently n change. i hope i can make her feel loved w all this too

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
agile pebble
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Do you still have jealousy issues?

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what kind of jealousy is this? like r u jealous she is talking with guys?

blazing jacinth
# agile pebble Do you still have jealousy issues?

For context we're both girls. But also, kinda but not rlly? Its toned down by a lot now, but i do sometimes feel it creep up. Its less like her talking to guys or anything, but js how to me, it sometimes feels like shes more open n has more fun w other ppl like her friends. N i get jealous, like i want to be able to make her laugh or smile like tht too. I aant to be fun for her too, n also be a space where she can be open n honest abt herself. She does hv fun w me too at times, but i feel like shes got a deeper bond w some other ppl, even when its platonic. This applies to both girls n guy friends. Ofc i shouldnt control who she hangs out with, im glad she can be happy n hv fun like tht w her friends. Its more of a problem for myself. I js need to learn how to be fun for her n also be a space where she can be open

cloud jetty
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things I do: buying flowers regularly, kissing her 4head a lot, supporting her financially, supporting her mentally, supporting her physically, fulfilling her wishes

problem is: I dont have a partner yet and my ex which I treated like a queen love-scammed me

blazing jacinth
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What?

cloud jetty
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she pretended to love me and lied about promises to get my support and money, then on valentines day after I played her favorite song on piano for her, she cheated on me (with a guy who had 0 money, barely education, didnt even love her, but the reason was he was simply 9 years older than me)

blazing jacinth
cloud jetty
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and before that I told you things I do to make my partner feel loved

blazing jacinth
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Ahh i see, yea ok thx

agile pebble
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The thing abt jealousy and feeling like she is having a lot more fun with her friends, it doesn’t matter. What matters is she is ALREADY urs. She is allowed to have friends and when someone compliments her its basically a compliment towards u like “good job u bagged a baddie”

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Jealousy also is a feeling we make up in our OWN minds. U have to love urself and it’s kind of weird to glaze ur self but u need to rebuild ur confidence and trust in ur partner. To build confidence in urself think abt ur own accomplishments and feats. Think abt what makes u unique. U have to realize there r probably thousands of people that are way worse than u and have accomplished way less so b proud of where u r today

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And ik it’s a weird feeling that they say “u have to change for urself” but it’s true. Yes it’s very confusing bc u may want to change for ur partner which u r willing to do but u have to know that u must heal. And healing will take time and if ur partner does love u they will have the patience. A relationship is always growing, both people should b willing to grow. And if one isn’t willing to then u should not be with someone who can’t grow.

blazing jacinth
# agile pebble And ik it’s a weird feeling that they say “u have to change for urself” but it’s...

Thx a lot for this advice, i rlly appreciate it. And yea ur right w what u said. Theres no need for me to be jealous, n it is indeed smth we make up in our own minds. I def need to rebuild my self love n confidence. Yea, ive been told i need to change for myself by many, many ppl, n not js bc its for my partner. I definitely need to heal, my wounds r causing problems for me which ends up also causing problems to my relationship. My wounds make me act in ways that also hurt her.

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It takes time to heal. But im worried i alr took sm time n patience from her. Even before this, i knew i needed to improve myself. But at the time, i still hadnt figured out the core problem, which is my lack of self love. It took a lot of time for me to even realize that. And shes tired, understandably so. I just hope shes still willing to wait for me as i try to do the work n better myself. Ofc while im at it, im also trying to be more proactive. Trying to initiate things first n reach out to her. I hope i do end up reaching

heady hearth
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@blazing jacinth i csn feel u, i have been through same.

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I dont think i need to give advice considering people alrdy did but still hope it gets better for u :D

blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
# agile pebble The thing abt jealousy and feeling like she is having a lot more fun with her fr...

Ok uhh theres a friend of hers which ive also talked too. N he likes her too, n wants to win her over as well. He def does treat her better than i do. Hes a rlly nice guy, like genuinely. N honestly, my partner has been texting n spending time w him more than she has w me. I js get a bit worried. He told me tht, if in the end i give nothing to my partner, then he 100% plans to take her out srsly. Esp bc my partner feels like im not taking it srsly. At first she thought of this as a serious relationship, but bc she feels ive been tossing it around like its casual, she changed her mind n thinks of it as casual. I rlly do want it to be serious tho. Also, i honestly do respect his dedication. I talk w him bc i also want to learn from him how to do things, bc he seems to know how to do some stuff js better than i do. Hes pretty nice to talk to as well. I cant stop him, n i shouldnt, esp bc he truly is a good friend to her n makes her happy too. I think the only thing i can do is js do my best. I need to do my best to mend my wrongs, do the work to improve myself, n also be more proactive w my partner

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
# blazing jacinth Worried that amount of effort still wont be enough tbh 😞

well, just think of it like studying for and taking a test. You can cram and study 24/7, but if you get to the test and don't do good, at least you know you gave it your all, so there is nothing to be upset about. That's the beauty in trying your best. If she ends up going with another person, at least there will be no regrets because you tried your best

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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Aw man 😞 I asked her if we can call like a few days ago, n js this morning i was like, yea tonight at 7. Well i did ask to call for tmrw too, but it seems she ended up thinking its tmrw n not today. So i called her but didnt get any answers. A friend of hers told me tht she thought its tmrw, n shes busy w someone else at the moment. So i waited a bit more at the time her friend says she'll be free, then i called her n didnt get answer. Her friend says shes prob eating. Atp, i was holding it in but couldnt anymore. Writing it out like this sounds so stupid, like i rlly was js being too overly emotional. But throughout the day i was a bit anxious thinking of things to say in the call. Then she put a song on her insta note that was "im not in love" by 10cc. I think i took it too personally n thought it mightve been directed at me. I shouldve asked for confirmation instead of worrying sm abt it n not asking. But tht pent up anxiety js caused me to end up crying bc of the missed calls. I later told her tht im not in the right mood to call rn, n she guessed tht it was bc of her not picking up. N ik its weird for me to do tht, that i wanted to call her, but when she didnt pick up, i got too moody n ended up crying, which like, i basically ruined my own mood to call. I js feel kinda stupid for it, i rlly shouldve asked to confirm so i didnt hv sm pent up anxiety. Like i knew i shouldve communicated n shared more openly, n yet i didnt. This whole thing also js reeks of my self regulation n fear of abandonment problems. Its like as if i hadnt changed

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I js feel kinda stupid for reacting so overly emotional over that

blazing jacinth
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Ok we talked yesterday. She told me that she doesnt expect anything out of this relationship. That shes js doing this to keep my name close. She said "Myb I'm js trying to find a way I could get my friend back but ig not. I'll js pretend 2 b ur gf if I could. Toxic ik but at least I could keep u a bit longer b4 I leave" I told her that ive been trying to get close to her, to reach out to her, both as a friend and a gf. I told her that i want to keep us for long, for this to be real n not pretend. She said "U shown me how u don't want 2 b my friend countless times, n take other friends first prior b4 me even as a gf. N thts ok, the both of us js needed some time 2 cope". I told her that ik ive shown that countless times, but starting from now i dont want that. I to be able to prioritize her, to choose her first, to reach out first. But she said i didnt that day. That we should js keep this as a coping mechanism n let time separate us in peace.

She pointed out that yesterday i went w my friends, n that when i worried, i didnt even ask her or what she thinks. I did go to a friends house yesterday, i went there bc i was making a gift for her but it needed an oven, which i dont hv. She said "Ur never forward. Idk why I expect anything, idk why u expect anything n why ur even crying. Sorry I made u cry. I'll scoot out next time. Uk wht I'm tired, we're so not meant for this. Let's js end it". I tried to explain that i went w them bc of that reason. That ive been trying these past few days. N for us to not break up. I suggested us sleeping it off, bc it was alr late at night. But she said "I cant. But like u ever cared if I sleep in a bad or a good mood. I try to always make sure u sleep in a nice mood but it never happened. It's fine really, we're never meant for this. We js wanted time to pull us apart so tht it won't hurt". Then she said goodbye n gn.

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Ive definitely made her feel very uncared for yesterday. Esp how i had my anxieties n worries, but didnt communicate it.

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel and remember, do YOUR best, not the best a human could do

I rlly was trying. I thought i was doing my best. But her friend said that, im not doing my best, im doing too much. All that texting n asking, but the way i did it was unengaging n dry. I rlly wasnt trying to be dry tho, instead i was trying to be more fun for her n for her to talk to me more. She said, doing ur "best" also means not doing too much, its abt balance. And i failed that

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Ive sent her a text trying to apologize n explain. Myb anyone can give their thoughts or advice on it? She hasnt seen the text yet

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"Im going to be honest with u. To preface this, im not blaming u, this isnt ur fault. These past few days, ive had a low but persistent anxiety lvl. I was anxious on whether u still truly felt motivated to be in this relationship or not. Ive been trying to text u first more, n i felt worried whenever at times u didnt answer my questions. Sometimes i felt like u were distant. I appreciate u still responding to my texts tho.

Again, im not blaming u for this. The anxiety lvl was still low, so i thought i could still manage it myself. I practiced those self emotional regulation techniques, calmed myself down, tried to be rational, n wrote abt my days n emotions to myself. I thought that, well if i felt u were getting distant, then its still my job to put in the work to reach out to u more in hopes you'll reach back.

But yesterday, it got a bit much. I took ur song too personally, n it made me worried. I tried to calm myself down n not let it get to me so much. I thought that id ask u abt it at the call. So when u didnt pick up, it was like my anxiety thru the day got tipped over. I felt disappointed and neglected. I was rlly hoping for the call to be my way of getting closer to u, to make us feel less distant. I felt neglected that u got the time wrong, n u were hanging out n calling w someone else when i had asked to call w u. Again, i dont blame u for this, n i shouldve communicated my feelings more openly, be more straightforward.

When i started crying, i knew that i wasnt in the right state of mind to call anymore. Esp bc i rlly wanted to make the call fun for u. But with how i was, there was no way i couldve done that. So i thought we could call tmrw instead. Also, even tho i felt neglected, im sure thats so little compared to how much u felt that before, it doesnt compare.

#

I didnt follow my principles. I didnt communicate or shared my anxieties while it was still low. I took it all n expected myself to be able to carry it when i couldnt. Instead of asking to u, i didnt, and i asked to other ppl instead. Id imagine that u felt frustrated and confused so as to why i was so upset. And i imagine u feel tired from this, like how ive fallen into old patterns again. Im sorry for that. I rlly shouldve done things differently.

From what ik, im guessing that u felt uncared for. Even tho i tried to show u i care w my texts, i wasnt able to make it engaging, n i did too much. I kept texting and asking u things, expecting u to be as responsive as before, while also making it unengaging for u to respond. Esp w how i went w friends yesterday, i imagine u felt uncared for, esp how instead of asking what u think, i instead was busying myself w other things. And then there was also me deciding to js sleep and leaving u in a bad mood. U felt even more uncared for w that. I was doing things in a way thats not ur way. Im so sorry i wasnt able to give u the care u wanted. That instead u ended up feeling uncared for.

Im still trying to change little by little, i dont want u to feel uncared for, unappreciated, and unloved. But i cant guarantee that you'll be able to feel it as quick, esp w how i tripped n fell again. Its understandable why u wouldnt put any expectations for this relationship, and that ur js keeping me around for a bit to use time to cope. I dont blame u if u want to leave. Im sure none of this is easy for u. That u feel tired from this. Im sorry for exhausting u once again n making u feel bad, feel uncared for, n left u w a bad mood to sleep on. Im sure by now ur sick of the sorries.

#

Lastly, i want to make it clear that i still want to be close to u. That i still want u around, either as a friend or a gf. No matter what, ill still want to reach out. U seem to just want to let time do its thing to set us apart. But that was never my intentions. I cant force u to not hv that mindset, but i personally dont hv any intentions to js let time do its thing. I want to be more proactive in getting close to u. And ill keep on doing that, ill keep on trying to give my care for u, specifically in ur way, in the way u would like it"

daring sorrel
#

Ok, I'll respond more in-depth, but firstly, you sent her that long message? Like, multiple paragraphs? @blazing jacinth

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

no offense

#

i was starting to think that somwhere in the message it went back to you just talking about the situation to the people in this thread

#

its a lot to take in

#

is this normal for you guys to talk to each other like this?

blazing jacinth
#

we only rlly send long paragraphs like this when we're in a tight spot, like when we're abt to break up. shes also sent paragraphs before, but i def text more usually

#

should i delete it?

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

@blazing jacinth sorry for leaving for so long

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
#

n her friend told me tht yea, shes taking time off her phone

daring sorrel
#

oh ok

#

so are you guys officially seperate or what?

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

oh that's tough then

#

but i got some advice on dating girls from a guy earlier

#

and he said

#

you have to have a balance between treating them like queens and treating them like nothing

#

it might seem like treating them like queens would be the obv good option, but it isnt always

#

that applies here right?

blazing jacinth
#

i think? but from what i can see, it kinda seems like the opposite issue, she feels like ive been treating her like nothing, even before dating n while being friends, she felt neglected by me

#

n i guess rn im trying to make it up, but her friend says im not doing my best, but im doing too much, myb its like tht?

daring sorrel
#

yeah too much i see it

#

like i know you want a gf

#

but maybe try to be more friendly?

blazing jacinth
#

wdym more friendly? n also honestly its not rlly abt wanting a gf, but wanting her, idrc abt getting js abt anyone as a gf

daring sorrel
#

like, just be a friend

#

im sure if she was just your friend, these issues wouldnt exist

#

or maybe just on a lower level

blazing jacinth
#

some issues probably would lessen yes, like w jealousy, id js feel like well, im js her friend, who am i to feel jealous? but also even as friends, she felt neglected, apparently b4 we dated, she felt like she was losing me as a friend, she was rlly sad, frustrated, n scared abt it

#

her friend told me in the past tht she cried a lot when she thought i was moving further away even as a friend, she rlly values her friends n keeps them close

daring sorrel
#

oh, so you think she still treasures you now?

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel oh, so you think she still treasures you now?

im not rlly sure tbh. it feels a bit like, she does value me to an extent, but its almost like shes ready to let me go. like how she said before that she js wants my name close. she said tht myb shes js trying to keep a friend close, n if she has to pretend to be a gf she could. she knows its toxic but she said at least she could keep me a bit longer b4 she leaves

daring sorrel
#

what does she mean by "keeping your name close"?

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

oh ok

#

sad though

blazing jacinth
#

i dont want it to js be titles tho. i do actually want to be closer to her, both as a friend n a gf. but lately she feels distant, n myb im trying too much w all my texts n all

daring sorrel
#

i think, and this is just a guess, that the more you try to pressure get close to her, the further you might end up being

blazing jacinth
#

but i cant act distant either. one of the problems i had was being too distant or not caring abt her enough. so i think i need to find tht balance

daring sorrel
#

is she a picky person?

blazing jacinth
#

picky an in how? picky w ppl?

daring sorrel
#

picky with like pleasing her

#

is it hard to give her what she wants?

blazing jacinth
#

For me personally, yes. She does seem to be someone who doesnt ask for much, her wants n needs seem simple. N yet, i cant seem to do it. Even her friends seem to be able to give her the care tht she wants n needs better than i do, it seems so easy for them, feels like theres js smth wrong w me

daring sorrel
#

does she like things like presents more, or time hanging out with her?

#

those are kind of the two different types of people

blazing jacinth
#

She appreciates both, but shes more of a quality time n acts of service person. But lately shes been busy. Ive asked to call, go on walks, etc, but she doesnt hv the time

#

But at the same time, she seems to call her friends more too, esp thr guy i mentioned above. well im not much of a call person, but i do miss spending more time w her

#

Her friend says tht shes alr trying her best tho, like even w her busy days, she still tries to reply my msg even if its js an "ok". N i did ask for a picnic date at a later date, but bc shes busy i told her to let me know when she can. Her friend says shes also trying to find time for it

daring sorrel
#

hm, maybe her friends are just trying to stick up for her

#

last time i checked texting was pretty fast

#

but i can understand not having time for hanging out irl

#

@blazing jacinth

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

so she doesnt have time for in-person

#

and doesnt like texting

#

and, she has time for calls with select people?

blazing jacinth
#

Yea, well tbh we used to text a lot in our early days of dating, but now she rarely texts first. N w those other ppl, they do calls more than texting bc thats js their way of communicating usually

#

I kinda js chalked it up to the fact that i havent been a great gf to her either. Like i dont exactly give her the best space tht gives her happiness or she has fun w. Like she does hv fun w me at times, but nowadays bc of my moodiness, im probably not much fun to be with. Plus idt ive earned her trust her back. Me being overdramatic n emotional prob also js pushes her further as well

daring sorrel
#

are you sure its your fun levels?

#

do you let her speak her mind?

#

maybe that's it

blazing jacinth
#

Abt how she feels abt me?

daring sorrel
#

no like in general

#

do you give her a space to be herself and express herself?

blazing jacinth
#

I hope so, but maybe i havent. I do enjoy listening to her or having her yap n all, but myb shes worried abt making me anxious or overthink. Like how b4, she talked a lot abt her friend. I was glad for her esp since shes having fun. But i did feel jealous, n later on i admitted it. Id imagine tht she'd be discouraged from talking abt that further more bc of it

daring sorrel
#

yeah that's probably a big thing

#

the more honest someone can be with a person, naturally, the more they will like them

blazing jacinth
#

Thats true. So i should try to be a space where she can be honest, be herself n express herself freely? Without having to worry how its gonna make me feel?

#

So like, being more secure of myself n also being able to regulate my emotions?

daring sorrel
#

yeah, i mean, think about it

#

actually a few things

#

#1 people love talking about themselves naturally

#

#2 it is straining to be there for someone else and their problems, but relieving when its the other way around

#

#3 you can always find other sources of support if you arent feeling emotionally well

blazing jacinth
#

Thats true, im sure its tiring for her to constantly hv to think abt how i feel n how id react to things

blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel #3 you can always find other sources of support if you arent feeling emotionally...

Tbh usually the thing tht makes me tweak out is related to her, like myb im jealous, or im overthinking abt her n the relationship, or im taking things too personally when it isnt even abt me n all. So i do sometimes end up talking abt it w her n asking for reassurance. Ik i should be able to give it myself, n sometimes i do try to calm myself down n reassure myself, but at times i js cant do it or it gets a bit much

daring sorrel
#

do you have trust issues?

#

@blazing jacinth

blazing jacinth
#

Myb?

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

idk if you said it before or not, but is this your first partner?

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

?

#

i thought you said she talked about her ex

blazing jacinth
#

I mean she did hv a funny 1 hour bf in elementary, but idt that counts?

#

Oh or did u mean her previous crushes?

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
#

Im not her first love, but im the first person shes dated seriously

daring sorrel
#

oh ok i see

#

its 3 AM here, im probably just sleepy

#

how about we can talk later?

blazing jacinth
#

Yea sure, thx for talking to me for even at such a time

#

Its 2 pm for me currently

daring sorrel
#

oh that's easy math then!

blazing jacinth
#

Yep, but its quite the time difference lol

daring sorrel
#

Well

#

ttyl

#

and put the advice into action!

blazing jacinth
#

Yea thx, i rlly appreciate ur advice

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

yup

#

at least for now

blazing jacinth
#

Hm i see, ill try then, its a bit hard rn when she barely talks w me, so not much chance of her even being herself w me

daring sorrel
#

sorry if this is annoying

#

but

#

try your best!

blazing jacinth
#

No its not annoying at all, i appreciate it

daring sorrel
#

ok, apparantly this server doesnt allow japanese, but i said "Good luck!" in japanese

blazing jacinth
#

Its nice having at least 1 person thats motivating n rooting for me since i feel like other ppl arent

blazing jacinth
#

Wait double t

#

Ganbatte

daring sorrel
#

yup

blazing jacinth
#

Thx a lot ^^

daring sorrel
#

np

#

now i sleep

#

fr this time

#

this is my last message

blazing jacinth
#

Gn sleep well

blazing jacinth
#

i asked her after tht long text abt how did she feel yesterday, n after she went back online again, she said "It's easy for me so it's ok. The more I think abt it the more ridiculous it sounds like why was I waiting for u so" w a shrug emoticon (the server doesnt allow the emoticon lmfao)

#

i asked to talk w her tmrw too

blazing jacinth
#

oof shes busy tmrw, well ill js text her n she can respond whenever

blazing jacinth
#

when i asked if we're over, she said idk, so i told her ill choose to believe we're not over then. n when i asked if she wants us to be dating or if she doesnt care, she said idrc

#

she rlly does kinda js seem ambivalent now

daring sorrel
#

@blazing jacinth Hm, well its hard to please someone who doesnt really care yeah? And ambivalent is the perfect word

blazing jacinth
#

I was talking n asking for some time w her. Apparently shes alr busy for the month, she alr filled up her schedule w plans she has w herself or her friends. So she said she doesnt hv time to go out w me n had to cancel tht picnic date i asked of her

#

I told her i felt disappointed n sad, n it worries me as to how much i value to her n if she loved me. So i asked that, she hasnt seen the msg tho

hollow wedge
#

Hey there

#

looks like your trying to find a way to let your partner know that your there and you love them

#

I get it its really complicated

#

I too suffer the same man

#

so I want to help you out a bit

#

in the best possible way I can

#

I would first recommend that your always there for them

#

start making a habit and start learning from her daily activities

#

like when she wakes up

#

when her period starts

#

etc

#

you also want to keep track of what she's doing so you can maybe join in and try to help her out with stuff

#

even if she doesn't ask you u migth want to ask her first

#

that if she needs help

#

thats what I would recommend

#

I also recommend that you try to maek suprises

#

like maybe one day all of a blue you would just buy her flowers

#

and stuff

#

and etc

#

so yea

blazing jacinth
#

I do know when she wakes up n generally when her period starts, she doesnt rlly hv any complications w her period like period pains tho. N i do ask what shes doing day to day, but she js says nothing much, or she js went outside, when i ask further, she js gives short responses. Her days can get quite diff, since sometimes she stays in or shes outside w friends or doing chores. I end up knowing more abt what she does day to day from her friend than from her

blazing jacinth
#

I js feel like, arent i her gf? Cant she make time for me? Ik shes busy n some of her plans were alr set weeks ago, but still, even js calling or texting would be nice, she said shes not sure if she even has the time tho

#

Ik she said idc abt us, but still. Idk myb im putting my hopes up too high?

hollow wedge
#

look its collage man

#

idk if your in collage too but

#

(i'm not)

#

(wel lkinda)

#

anyways

#

its just you have to give her time

blazing jacinth
#

We're js finishing off highschool, its in the break between highschool n before actually going to college

hollow wedge
#

I see

#

but anyways

#

you need to give her time

#

and maybe sit down with her 1 on 1

#

and ask

#

do you really still love me

#

and questions about your relationship

#

you need to talk to her more

#

and just maybe join in on the fun yourself

#

I get it I migth not be much of help but this is all I know

#

after things going south for me and my gf

#

I usually try to give her time

#

or well she does it herself actually

#

i'm more of a rlly clingy husband/boyfriend

#

who just likes to cling around someone and be as close as I can

#

so don't feel left out too man

#

just know that people here too suffer the same

#

and maybe even worse

blazing jacinth
#

I js asked her on how much does she value me n does she love me. She hasnt seen the msg tho. N the thing is, apparently her friend said tht she wanted to invite me to join in, but realized i cant w my strict parents, n shes not wrong. Im not sure if my parents would allow me to go to places tht far n also for the first time too. Shes tired of dealing w my parents

blazing jacinth
hollow wedge
#

I get it

#

but sometimes

#

things are bad

blazing jacinth
#

Myb im being overdramatic, but i js feel kind of neglected

hollow wedge
#

no no no

#

I suffer the same too

#

and I have a really good/bad advice rn

#

if u want to hang out with her more

#

well

#

idk if u want to but

#

u could maybe lie about it

#

about staying at school

#

but instead your off with ur gf

#

ik this is a bad idea

#

but consider it

#

unless you have your parents tracking u on ur phone then well

#

ig u can;t

#

can't

blazing jacinth
#

Ive done that countless times before, but now schools over so its not rlly much of a reason. But also shes js tired of having to always lie n also be on edge on whether or not my parents r gonna know

hollow wedge
#

I see

#

o well

#

maybe

#

ig its best to break up with her

#

maybe ask her in front of her face

#

when your together

blazing jacinth
#

Idk if we can even see each tgt irl soon 😔

hollow wedge
#

hm

#

ask her if she could make plans with u

#

but yea

blazing jacinth
#

Tbh i dont want to break up w her either

#

But shes been feeling so cold n distant, its like theres a wall between us that i cant get thru

#

I still dream abt her n us having fun, being happy tgt like before, but now they seem like distant realities, like smth so far off in the past

hollow wedge
#

I get it man

#

I too felt the same

#

people told me to give up and break up with my gf too

#

even though I dreamed of marrying her and having kids

#

were not rlly healthy rn

#

but she still tries to break up with me over and over agian

#

but I keep trying my best

#

I keep trying to wrok harder and stuff

#

(we even though of our first kid's name it's Eliot if you were wondering)

#

anyways

#

just keep trying

#

and just keep thinking and dreaming

#

try to find something to motivate you yourself to continue on with life

#

rather than just giving up

#

I too want to give up

#

and she's the last reason preventing me from suiciding man

blazing jacinth
#

Oof, she alr made me do a vow to not commit tho lmfao, bc one time she found out i had plans for it

hollow wedge
#

ah shit

#

well then

#

break it

#

and see if it does anything

#

(like as in try)

#

like tell her

#

if she doesn't stop doing this shit wel lthen

#

then*

#

I'll just suicide

#

and tell her how important she is to u

#

for me my gf is important bc she;s the one who keeps me company and keeps me happy

#

she lets me be able to care about and allows me to be able to let me feel that i'm being cared about

#

she's always the one who checks on me first than her

#

she cares more about me than herself

#

even when we do little things like bump into each other's head

#

she would over react and just

#

act like its a concussion

#

that's what makes my gf special to me

#

and I think you need to sit down and ask yourself

#

what makes your gf

#

special to u

#

and don't just say like oh she loves me and she's cute and all

#

yea yea whatever

#

thats 1 lame

#

and 2

#

rlly common in everyone's eyes

blazing jacinth
#

Hey im sorry but that seems kind of manipulative to threaten suicide if she doesnt give me her time. Plus, i cant be breaking her trust anymore. Its horrible to put someone thru the fear of losing someone thru suicide like that, we both know how it feels.

Shes special to me bc shes shown me sides of both myself n her that i never knew was there. She was able to break me out of my cold hard shell, to be able to make me feel more, both the good n the bad. Shes amazing honestly. Shes like a rockstar, n she js always has this pull to her that makes me want to get closer to her, be near her. Shes so cool, its like those scenes in movies where u see the person u love on stage or js do anything, n ur js breathtaken, js, wow.. yknow? Shes there for me in ways that no one was, not even myself. She was patient w me, willing to help me n love me even thru the hard times. She cared, and caring is love.

hollow wedge
#

oh boi

#

u rlly do love her

#

just keep trying

blazing jacinth
#

I js miss her, n i rlly want some of her time

hollow wedge
#

well

#

if you can't get it

#

then earn it

#

and maybe talk to your parents

#

about whats happening

#

I think its your parents who are the issue

blazing jacinth
#

No way, they hate her, plus theyre homophobic lmfao

blazing jacinth
#

Damn this hurts

heady hearth
heady hearth
#

Wtf this is the worst u can do

heady hearth
#

May it gets better

blazing jacinth
#

Its gotten better, we made up n got tgt again. She didnt mean it when she said i dont, she js got cold feet. We've been talking, texting, n calling more, its been nice n fun, ive been feeling more calm n happy too :D

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
# daring sorrel Oh good, im happy for you. But this seems like quite the emotional roller coaste...

Lol yea its definitely been quite the change of pace, a lot happened between those days. Rn i promised myself tht id be more open n communicate more, i set a deadline for myself if theres anything i feel that needs to be looked at, id communicate it max a day, no keeping quiet or trying to push it down. Ill prioritize her too, im putting in the effort to text her, talk to her, call her, meet up, spend time, etc. Im trying to be more aware of myself too, to regulate my emotions. Ive been feeling more calm lately

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

if you ever need any tips on shortening ideas, just let me know

#

i do it all the time in college papers

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

just lending all my help

blazing jacinth
daring sorrel
#

EXCEPT

#

for now

#

because i must get ready for bed

blazing jacinth
#

LOL well gn sleep well

daring sorrel
#

thank you, have a good rest of your day, i think, because its almost noon there

#

🌙

blazing jacinth
#

yep its like 11 in the morning here

onyx dune
# blazing jacinth Also I think part of the reason she doesn't feel loved is because i'm not attent...

I know this like a month late but I’m kinda in similar position but I am older than you. I have learnt some lessons through my recent argument with my girlfriend. I also used to have a lot of self hatred and loathing but I over time and still am overcoming it. It really starts with you… you give yourself love, get to know yourself. Even in my own relationship, my gf tries to help me kinda get to know myself and find self love because if you have don’t self respect or self love and care towards yourself how are you going to do the same to ur partner. You need to hear her, my recent argument with my girlfriend was literally about me, not hearing her and letting her finish because I was so quick to defend myself because every time she expressed how she felt or what I did wrong it hurt my ego because I thought I was doing so well, and then when she expresses herself that I did something wrong it hurt me and I felt the need to defend and over explain and try to fix things in the end, Just made it worse and hurt her even more. And I’ve done it repeatedly to the point that she doesn’t really have much trust in me. But I know that I need to take initiative in myself to not only better myself, but also for her because me working on myself is me working also in the relationship. A relationship isn’t just one person. It’s two people, and even if it feels as though that you’re doing great, the other person may not be. taking the time to just say hey how are you doing? We’re just simply just observing and generally getting to know yourself will also help you getting to know your partner. Even for me, even though me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year I feel like even halfway point I felt like I didn’t really truly know her even now. But throughout my relationship, I felt like I learned more about myself if anything, and how much work I need to do emotionally and how everything affects me because being in a relationship actually brings out a negative trauma or traits…

onyx dune
# onyx dune I know this like a month late but I’m kinda in similar position but I am older t...

The premise of a relationship is that you are together and you doing build and sustaining this relationship together. You both have to choose to each other every day and some things that she may enjoy and you don’t but it makes her happy that’s all that matters. If you want to feel real love it’s putting yourself first and feeling like you deserve it. But she also needs to feel seen and heard by you so they are times when you set yourself aside and put her first and listen and be present with her.

blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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She felt bad today. She felt mad, frustrated, n jealous. While we were texting, it was all fun and light until i told her i dreamt a weird dream where i bought like a gazillion food from a resto n ate w a friend. She felt jealous of me dreaming that friend. It reminded her of how she felt before. She felt like i always went to hangout w them instead whenever theyre around. That if that friend is there, id leave her to talk to that friend. But she also knows that we're js friends, so she doesnt wanna restrict me from being friends either. I tried to understand her. When she shared her feelings, i validated her n repeated back what she said. I asked if i could do anything for her. But she said idk. She doesnt like feeling like this either. She said to js leave it be and she'll feel better. As night approaches n we're abt to sleep, i asked again bc i dont want her to sleep in a bad mood. But she js said either "idk" or "whatever". It rlly seems like i cant rlly do anything. Tbh i dont even talk to that friend much nowadays. I dont want her to feel uneasy or bad w me befriending that friend either or being too close. What can i do to make her feel better? Should i js trust her?

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We're meeting up tmrw too, so i hope i can make her feel better abt it

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
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Honestly feeling kinda anxious abt this, esp since her texts r getting dry too

daring sorrel
blazing jacinth
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Yesterday night, the last text she gave was js "y" saying yea, n she left my gm text on read

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Oh she js responded to a question of mine

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She hasnt been saying ily back tho, its making me anxious oof

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Shes js responding w 1-2 shortened words, hard to translate to here ngl

blazing jacinth
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Things got resolved :D

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She apologized for acting distant n cold to me, n shared her feelings, wants, n the stress shes been having. We met up the next day n spent time tgt, she looked happy

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But today shes in a bad mood again. It was fine in the morning, but when we went to school bc of some stuff, she looked a bit pissed. The teacher was in a bad mood n was being pissy to her as well. She asked me to get smth for her thru text, but i was late to get it n she got it herself. Later on as i was eating, she passed by, i said hi n called out to her but she looked like she was in a bad mood n didnt respond to me. Im worried shes in a bad mood bc of me, or that i contributed to it, or myb its bc i wasnt by her side tht much today? When i texted asking if shes in a bad mood bc of the teacher, she said no n that i dont need to act all like soo caring or attentive that it icked her out. I js wanted to care n understand her better. I said sorry, but she said all i do is say sorry

molten garnet
molten garnet
blazing jacinth
blazing jacinth
molten garnet
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Aspect Description
Emotional Intimacy Both types of relationships can involve deep emotional connection and vulnerability.
Inspiration In both dynamics, individuals often influence or inspire each other—creatively, intellectually, or emotionally.
Trust and Influence There's often a significant level of trust and a mutual influence on personal growth or perspective.
Idealization Whether in romantic or creative relationships, people may idealize each other, seeing one another as more than “just” a person.
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Feature Partner–Partner Partner–Muse
Mutuality Ideally reciprocal. Both individuals are invested in building a shared life—emotionally, logistically, sometimes legally. Often more unilateral. The muse inspires; the partner often draws from the muse, but the muse may not gain in equal measure.
Purpose Grounded in shared goals: intimacy, companionship, possibly family or stability. The muse often serves as a source of creative or emotional stimulation, not necessarily for mutual life-building.
Sustainability Built for endurance and growth over time. Can be ephemeral or situational, lasting only as long as the inspiration or emotional dynamic exists.
Power Dynamic Healthy relationships strive for balance. Can have an imbalance—the muse may be objectified, or not fully seen beyond their role as "inspiration."
Emotional Stakes Involves deep emotional responsibility and accountability. Emotional responsibility may be minimal or one-sided, especially if the muse doesn’t view the dynamic the same way.
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i know its messy sorry