#Feeling Unwelcome and Unwanted

75 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

ocean bobcat
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So often I feel like no matter the circumstances, work, an attempt at socializing, taking part in online communities. Nobody really cares about me, or has any patience for me or my ideas. I feel like I have no social capital and everyone would rather watch me flounder or undermine me, than help me, support my ideas, or even try to relate with me.

It makes me want to shutdown and self isolate, but I can't actually do that, at the very least I have to go to work everyday.

I have tried to pivot and not even present my own ideas anymore because I'm hurt and tired from them being shutdown. I try to instead support others and listen to others, so that maybe they don't feel the way I do, but when it comes down to it it doesn't feel like anyone wants my support, help, or consideration either.

TL;DR: I have trouble finding community. I cannot create one, nor does anyone want me to feel welcome in theirs.

uncut wasp
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Someone you'd have met will surely want to hear what you have to say or will fw u just cause it's u

uncut wasp
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Why can't you create a community

ocean bobcat
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I often feel like everyone's lives are already kind of complete without me. Everyone I know is living their own lives perfectly fine without me. If most people need anything it's someone they can mock without hurting the people who actually matter to them, I am far enough out of any social circle to exist for that.

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Your Serial Experiments Lain stuff you have going on with your profile is really cool.

uncut wasp
uncut wasp
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A lot of people have Incomplete lives

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Or at least they wished they were more

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When I was in highschool I used to tag along the cool kids during my final year cause I wanted to change my lifestyle

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I was a dork and I personally felt like scum

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And they made me feel worse as I kept following then around

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They even asked my why I kept following then around when they treated me like that

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Butttt it was all for me to realize I was coming from a particular friend group

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That actually liked me
Even tho I forgot

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So I just went back to them

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And after highschool we still a few years later

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Butttt
I just created my own community

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It's a funny thing actually

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The way we view connection with other people

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You may think this guy is complete they have all the friends and all the charisma
The perfect grade school
Job
Etc

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But that person may just be lonely most times

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Or may feel as irrelevant as you

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You'll find someone you can relate to
You just need understanding and steady communication

ocean bobcat
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Thank you for your sincerity and taking the time to relate to me. Yeah, I left the town I grew up in and the HS "friends" I am now a comfortable 1000 miles away and will never return for a class reunion. I have returned for 1 funeral and was very disappointed that I didn't have an excuse to go back for my brother's wedding because I wasn't invited. I think sometimes my problem is even WANTING a moment of connection, understanding, shared comradely, or something like that. With want comes, expectation or hope, then disappointment. The best life I think I can manage is a quiet, solemn, peaceful one.

uncut wasp
uncut wasp
uncut wasp
ocean bobcat
# uncut wasp You weren't invited 😭?!

No, and there was a time I thought I might get married. I asked a friend if they would consider being my best man. My brother was so disappointed he went to my mom to complain that I did not pick him, and she told me I should. Idk if she told him later that he should invite me to his wedding, or if it was always about prioritizing his feelings over mine.

ocean bobcat
uncut wasp
uncut wasp
ocean bobcat
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Idk, you ever hear about those experiments with genetically ill rats that get ostracized by others, because they can like subtlety smell that there is something wrong with them? I feel like that, there is something subtlety detectable about me that I can't sense, that makes people keep their distance. Sorry for being dramatic about it, and over the top. Maybe that's actually what it is lol.

uncut wasp
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I was thinking maybe the way you dress or the things you like

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But I see now

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It's nothing of the sort

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Why can't you create a community tho

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I can take you to places where people have similar interests as you

patent schooner
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👍

ocean bobcat
uncut wasp
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We can work around that

ocean bobcat
uncut wasp
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Apart from that

ocean bobcat
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Idk, lack of social capital, having very little to offer. I have been a stepping stone, or convenience for some people, but once I dont have a use, I don't have value, and I'm easy to discard. I feel like I always have to meet people more than halfway, that I am not liked or cared for just because I am a person, I am not worth the investment from others.

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But my life is good. I have never been happier in many ways. I am onto the best chapter of my life. It's just a lonely one, but I am good company and I have learned to really care about myself.

uncut wasp
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Alright what are your likes and stuff

ocean bobcat
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I used to game a lot, not so much anymore. It reminds me of the sad lonely person I used to be, now I am a much happier independent person. I like thrift shopping for neat clothes, but also for cheap books to practice reading out loud for voice training. I like silence and meditation. I volunteer in my local queer community.

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I try to dance once a day, to whatever song was most recently stuck in my head

uncut wasp
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Since there's a scarcity of lots of them

ocean bobcat
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Acquaintances more like. We all have our own busy complicated lives, and I do host events and take part in community organizing. For some people it's a job to be there working for like a community center, I see them often enough, but there is again just a distance. Like the best I can manage is not being 100% off putting but that doesn't gain me any friends, just keeps me from getting disinvited, which I fear, so I just try my best.

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I might just be a little bit too emotional, a little bit too sentimental, even if I don't show it often. I don't feel like anyone wants to make an effort for me (other than you today, thanks for proving me wrong) I have really made big efforts for people in my life, I feel I will never be floored by someone making me the priority

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Thanks for your time. I did get to have a funny silly casual conversation about books in another discord simultaneously. your effort plus that litte positive interaction did brighten my day and give me a little bit of hope.

uncut wasp
ocean bobcat
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As it goes. You have been more than generous with your time. And you have met me more than halfway as well. Thanks.

uncut wasp
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Even if it's online

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I'm no better anyway

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My birthday is soon and everyone keeps forgetting
I have to keep reminding them

ocean bobcat
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I would settle for the median between prioritized and dismissed. Cooperation is a rare joy

uncut wasp
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I see

uncut wasp
ocean bobcat
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I might just keep pushing on what I do with a more positive attitude. I appreciate you wanting to help as much as you have, but I worry about making a big effort to connect online right now, with all I have going on in my life. I am going to start volunteering at a woman's shelter in April and I don't know how much that is going to shake up my life.

rocky gull
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hello

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please respond

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i need help with something

uncut wasp
uncut wasp