I won’t press you about whether it’s true or not that they love you, I don’t know. When you say they don’t love you, though, this is not a moment where the “trouble” rests with you. The problem is them. You are on the earth, and their duty is to love and care for you. If they are not, (and this is not adequate care) they are failing their duty. It doesn’t mean you should stop living on the earth. In fact, you have a duty to yourself, to be your own advocate here. Life threw you into difficult circumstances.
Take the most terrible child in the world, someone who runs around yelling, breaking things, hits their parents, gets kicked out of school. tries to set fire to things and needs to basically live in handcuffs.
Even under those circumstances, no parent has a right to tell a child to ‘kill themselves’. It’s categorically egregious behavior. And if the parents are having dramatic interpersonal conflict between each other, they do not have the right to blame the child or cause hurt via collateral damage of all of their conflicts.
They’re the adults, adults go through wars, famines, plagues, keeping a calmer head, not doing this. So, “disappearing to ease your parents worries”, they don’t care about your worries much. You certainly cannot stay emotionally enslaved to caring about theirs so much.
You may be like “well why this person sitting and talking bad about my parents” - most important is emotionally understand you ought to feel wronged, rather than “wrong”. I don’t know how they are, so idk how manipulative they could be, how dangerous, or how worthy of forgiveness, but you cannot be carefree, and you cannot be naive. They don’t know how to have your best interests at heart, and the replacement for is you step up, and care more about yourself. When they blame you, they want to feed their wounded ego and self image, at the expense of yours. Don’t let them avoid their misdeeds by putting hurt or shame onto yourself. Learn from them how not to act.
fleet charm
vocal spruce
tacit arch