Posting here because I got ignored in another server

[grim stirrup]

I don't think I'm supposed to be in society. I kinda feel like an alien a little bit. The only time I ever feel normal is when I'm high because it makes me feel like a dumbass compared to how I regular am. I use to be a very violent trouble making person, it got me sent away a couple times. After a while of doing that, i started feeling different suddenly. I started paying extra close details to things because I just couldn't stop learning everything around me. Eventually I started using this to my advantage, I started trouble making and stealing again but this time I didn't get caught for it, I lied to everyone and gaslit them and even turned some on each other. Now I'm starting to realize just how powerful you are with knowledge, i can make people believe fucking anything just by masking, and I do that really well, I started doing subtle things with my body and expression when I told the truth so when I lied I could just do those expressions and get away with it with a higher chance. I'm kinda just stuck because I know I'm a terrible person to have around but I don't have anybody else I need my family should I turn myself in? I feel like jail or prison would get rid of the power feeling

Oh and even in mental hospitals I fucked up, all I do is stir up mess and turn people against each other in there, I've made staff quit and punch me just for words

But that was around the start of my descent I wasn't as developed yet

[half ledge]

(There are many types of advice, 1 advice that will hurt someone by telling the truth by being more pessimistic, 2 advice that will softly point them towards the right path by making them seem powerful.)
You've clearly got a sharp mind and a deep understanding of people, which is rare. Most go through life unaware, but you see the details, the patterns, and how knowledge shapes control. That’s real power—but right now, it’s only leading you in circles, making you feel stuck.

You don’t have to lose your edge to change direction; intelligence isn’t just for destruction. If you applied your awareness to something bigger than just testing how far you can push people, you could actually build something lasting. You don’t need to turn yourself in to lose the "power feeling"—maybe you just need a better use for it.