wanton river
trigger warning - I started|| self-harming|| when I was just 10 years old. At the time, I didn’t fully understand why I was doing it—I just knew that it gave me a sense of control, a temporary release from emotions I didn’t know how to handle. As the years went on, it became more than just an occasional habit; it turned into something I relied on, something that felt impossible to stop. Around the same time, I started developing an eating disorder. At first, it was subtle, just small changes in my eating habits, but before I knew it, it consumed me. It became another way to cope, another way to try to regain control over something in my life when everything else felt like it was spiraling.
For years, every single day has been a battle. Some days are worse than others, but even on the "better" days, the thoughts don’t just disappear. It’s exhausting to wake up and fight the same demons over and over again, feeling like no matter how hard I try, I’m stuck in this cycle that I can’t break free from. I’ve tried asking for help. So many times, I’ve reached out, hoping that maybe this time, someone will really listen, that someone will understand how deeply this is affecting me. But every time, I feel let down—whether it’s being dismissed, misunderstood, or not taken seriously enough. Eventually, after enough times of being ignored or invalidated, I started to believe that maybe there just isn’t any real help for me.
proven kettle