I lost counts of how many accounts I made just to escape from the shame I kept carrying on me because of dramas I accidentally caused. I simply can't take it anymore. People hates me. I just know they do because no one gives a fuck about what I say or what I do.
I lost friends, reputation and my wish to keep living. I tried suicide but ended up in a coma for 2 days. Other artists called me things. It all happened when I made a question, a simple one that wasn't supposed to be taken so seriously. That person not only broke our friendship but had to spread to everyone about it, I didn't take it so well. I tried to make revenge by leaking their models, private models, but the truth is, I didn't wanted that, I had one of them but I never leaked... I just couldn't understand why, how.
There was other friend... to be honest I shouldn't call him that, he is a devil for me now. Tried his best to... no, he just showed me stupid facts to make me feel better. Well my so "dear friend", I WANTED CONSOLATION. I never got that from him because I didn't had his respect... I was an idiot for trying to earn your "respect". Then there I was again, alone. Trying to build my career without having to bring up old shit, but he always was there to ruin my life. You really had to keep telling your stupid friends about my existence huh? I hate you. And I hope you die alone as a heartless beast you are.
#The failed artist of SFM (1/?)
vast nacelle
I feel so empty, these days I received a letter from one of my old friends, he apologized, explained things, but explained why we can't go back... Idk if I was crying for sadness or for hapiness. I totally lost my strength to keep going. My inspirations doenst care about me. And I cant be like them without feeling disappointed with myself. And the worst thing is the childish wish for their private models. I liked them, I had some many cool ideas but... now is all in waste. I wanted to steal their models and release them as retaliation for the opression I was suffering from them, but turns out, it was paranoia. Ive became weak, insecure of my surroundings here. I cant take a break without having the first thought about them. Idk why i still try, I have 2 new friends who are helping me, but I dont feel those things I did with the previous ones, the feeling of making them proud. I feel ashame of keep asking them for the models just so I can have the fake taste of victory... fake... it was all fake or delusions of my mind?