#I need some advice for some family mental issues.

123 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

clever raptor
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I am having a lot of family issues due to mental illnesses and i really just need advice on how to help repair the relationships between us. im not the greatest at writing things that will explain the situation well, my DMs are open as well, but im just gonna write some general things without getting too far into the details here. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) i have 3 sisters with varying relationships with (you can ask) a mom that has a more fragile mind (she gets overwhelmed easily and will sometimes say stuff that hurts the relationships in that mood) and a dad that has some anger issues (although he generally doesn't get angry way too often, he recently crossed a line with it and if it keeps going on like this i would have to cut ties with him as i move out) so i just generally need ways to fix it, luckily i am not suicidal at all, and dont consider it, but if you need more details just let me know, and i will respond as quickly as possible

void snow
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hello I'd like to know more details as this is something similar to my situation

clever raptor
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hello! im glad that you have a similar situation as well, i am also trying to learn to help others, but what is it that you need more info on? there generally a lot so i dont think i could say it all

void snow
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so whats your family just like in more details

clever raptor
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ah. okay should i start with my parents or my sisters as i havent really gone into them as much

void snow
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either one

clever raptor
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alright im just gonna start with my sisters then

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i have two younger sisters and one older sister, my oldest sister is probably my favorite family member, shes very supportive and we like having conversations often

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my youngest is still pretty young, but generally isnt having too many mental issues, but logic is a bit wishy-washy but shes still not that old so i wouldnt call it out really

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the main problem sister-wise is my middle sister who will lie, gaslight, generally annoying but one of the main issues is that she copies EVERYTHING from people like intrests, slang, that sort of thing

void snow
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I'm assuming she copyies you too

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how old is that sister

clever raptor
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really not too much as she hates me /

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shes near 13 but shes just not fun to be with

void snow
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she sounds like shes spoiled or just grew up wrong

clever raptor
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i could probably yap about it for a while but i dont think youd want to here that XD

void snow
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I'm fine anyway

clever raptor
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i can confirm that she acts very spoiled, but she hasnt neccisarily been spoiled very much

void snow
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😭 bruh where did she get it from

clever raptor
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ive been thinking about it (i get in a lot of deep conversations/thought trains but bear with me)

void snow
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mhm

clever raptor
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but from what i THINK its that she has low self esteem and has to lie to people about herself to get their approval, but the main problem with her is that she will lie about literally everything, even small things

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ive luckily been able to get a good amount of education on logic/debate so it helps a lot for finding lies/manipulation tactics, but you really dont need much for her since she lies so much

void snow
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she sounds like a min character syndrom

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or maybe she has a lot of insecurites like you said

clever raptor
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although that is a funny idea, i do believe that its more insicurities but theres really nothing more i can do to help her, like ive tried to help with it, but she is legitimately blind to a LOT of things and in her eyes, im a very mean guy

void snow
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dang

clever raptor
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it really sucks because i myself used to "crashout" but ive been working on it for years now and it sucks for it to just not be appreciated by the main person i did it for

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and just in general, i dont see her as a family member, like i know brothers are supposed to protect their sisters/brothers, but she just doesnt feel like one

void snow
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so maybe if your doing things for her and shes not going to even notice you shouldn't put effort anymore

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its not worth it

clever raptor
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thats pretty much what ive gravitated to. i try my best to just not interact with her anymore, it only hurts me more

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the interesting thing though

void snow
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well actully has she noticed that you are slowly going away from her

clever raptor
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theres really no way for me to know, she wont talk to me (and listen) and yeah.

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ive thought about what life would be like if i cut contact with a family member or if someone died, and for pretty much everyone its at least kind of sad, but with her, its just nothing.

void snow
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damn then just stop talking to her in the house and only talk to her if you have too

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as she probably won't care

clever raptor
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i try but even when im not doing anything, not even being close to her like in a situation: shes with some of her friends, they made a little fort too, i tried to just walk downstairs and she said somthing along the lines of "be careful, theres a monster nearby"

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but recently ive had a lot more trouble with my dad specifically

void snow
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okay your sisters a jerk

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but whats the problem with your dad

clever raptor
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okay, so with my dad he has anger issues, where essentially when he gets mad he is always right, we cannot be right, and theres always somthing wrong with us

void snow
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OMG THIS IS TO TRUE

clever raptor
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usually its somthing that has to do with the house being dirty (the two younger sisters are SUPER messy, the oldest is kind of but cleans up, and i just dont make messes in general)

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just today he went kind of crazy which is what made me decide to come here for help

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in a situation:

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we were dissagreeing on somthing not super important (but he does this all of the time even on important stuff) and i literally said "you have a different opinion than me, we dissagree, lets just move on" then he responded with "yes, but i am the father so mine is right" and then after that he said "an object was here for two days, and im right because im the father"

void snow
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???????????????????????

clever raptor
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so the thing is, that today he crossed a very serious line, and at this point if our relationship stays like this, i WILL have to cut contact with him

void snow
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what he do

clever raptor
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one thing i was saying is that since he is the father, he can make orders/ tell us what to do (which he CAN do like telling us to do chores, go to sleep past 10, etc)

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but then i also said that i can peacefully protest and i defined it as "going against a rule, without hurting anyone, and knowing that there will be consequences" and it may not seem that bad at first but he responded with "you are a child. children CANNOT peacefully protest. only adults can."

void snow
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wtf

clever raptor
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and you might just thing "well thats clearly wrong" but this literally breaks what is knows as a HIGHER LAW which is rights to life, LIBERTY, and property (not pursuit of happiness thats pretty much liberty)

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A.K.A: people under the age of 18 are DENIED HUMAN RIGHTS

void snow
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what the heck

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ya no your dad is so wrong

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first your a teenager he shouldn't be getting mad over small OPINIONS

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and hes not always right that just not how it works

clever raptor
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after he said that i tried to talk to him about it (my mom was there too as my dad wasnt thinking straight) and she mostly agreed with me, but had to defend him saying "he wasn't himself" which wasnt the exact words but essentially she was saying that he said it while he was mad

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but i had to talk to her in private without dad and literally told her "i really wouldn't want to, but he CROSSED A LINE, and if he stays like this, i will cut contact entirely"

void snow
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well then he shouldn't project his anger issues on the kids

clever raptor
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you see, saying that your opinions are right because you are the father certainly isnt right, it doesn't hurt my rights

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but saying that i dont have a human right directly steps on my rights

void snow
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ya he shouldn't be denying you the ability to say your opinions

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you should 100% cut him off when your old enough

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but for now be extrememly careful with what you say around him

clever raptor
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the thing is, when he isnt angry, hes a great guy, and i really dont want to have to cut contact. now although it is smart to be careful with my words, i know that if i say whats true, since he "always is right" although there may be consequences, im fully okay with proving hiim wrong

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whats super annoying though is one of the main things that make him mad is the general messiness of the house, which is usually caused by my middle sister but also a good amount by my youngest

void snow
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well if you don't wanna cut him off thats fine but he shouldn't be like that

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and with the mess

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tell your sisters to clean up after themselves

clever raptor
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i do, they dont XD

void snow
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i assume you already did

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ya

clever raptor
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pretty much everyone does

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he will often get mad about me not respecting him/my mom, but ive already talked to him multiple times that he cant force me to, and i will not do it unless he earns it

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now i still need to do more research on the matter, but if things get bad enough i am willing to sue him, and i already have planned what i would to if i were to

void snow
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for emotional damages

clever raptor
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i always feel like i need to be prepared as today he crossed a big line, and i dont know if he will eventually start attacking me

void snow
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then thats just abuse

clever raptor
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yeah. luckily he hasnt gotten super physical, but i do have to be careful just in case it does

void snow
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do you have like a close relative you can stay at if he starts getting phyical

clever raptor
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i actually have multiple options, as my dad's side of the family actually doesn't have too many mental problems, but my moms side is almost fully cut off already

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so far my main ideas are my dad's older brother or my grandfather, there is also another family that i know which could end up fully adopting me

void snow
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then if the situation starts to get worse stay with them🙏

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because they sound like a couple more days before they become abusive

clever raptor
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although my mother also has some mental problems, she is much more logical, and if things start getting bad, either ill try to get with her depending on the situation, or ill just directly message my grandfather

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i generally havent been keeping my phone with me all the time, but i definetly will probably try to start doing that

void snow
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you should

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do they take your phone actully

clever raptor
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usually they try to make me turn it in at like nightime, but i could probably have a convo with my mom about the situation, hopefuly i would be able to do that

void snow
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your mom sound a lot more logical

clever raptor
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she is, although she does get overwhelmed pretty easily

void snow
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well does she take it out on you

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or your sisters

clever raptor
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actually, somthing i pretty much forgot to say is that my older sister already has a learner's permit and she is pretty good at driving

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not really, usually she just has to be by herself for a bit

void snow
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well your mom sounds like a good person

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she just has some problems or so

clever raptor
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yeah although she does have mental issues, she tries her best to not hurt the family with it

void snow
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thats nice

clever raptor
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most of her side of the family is manipulative, and it is one of the biggest reasons why i studied logic

void snow
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her family does not sound nice

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thats probably why she gets overwhelmed easily

clever raptor
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i do have a cousin thats on her side of the family though that so far, is pretty nice and i hope to get in contact with him again

void snow
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well thats good

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well overall what are your key points in your family

clever raptor
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so essentially, one sister i have good relations with (the oldest) and we are actually planning to be roomates after we move out, the middle sister im trying to cut contact with even now, and the youngest is really too young to know that much about. my mom has generally bad family issues and get overwhelmed easily, and my dad has anger issues and recently been getting worse, saying things that are clearly morally wrong

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id say that kind of sums it up

void snow
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ya well atleast you have a plan after your old enough

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youll be able to be roommates with your sister

clever raptor
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yes, and for my school theres an extra "costs of living" project and i plan to use that to get an idea of what i would need

void snow
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oh well then thats great

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and since youll be roomates with your sis you can like split rent

clever raptor
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yeah, tbh im hoping to talk with someone who knows more about this kind of stuff, maybe go to therapy once i can

void snow
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well okay

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oh sorry but i need to go to sleep maybe talk later

clever raptor
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alright, today ima be up for a while, but just lmk when you can talk again i might be on

void snow
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alright

clever raptor
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chao

void snow
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hello again