I am having a lot of family issues due to mental illnesses and i really just need advice on how to help repair the relationships between us. im not the greatest at writing things that will explain the situation well, my DMs are open as well, but im just gonna write some general things without getting too far into the details here. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) i have 3 sisters with varying relationships with (you can ask) a mom that has a more fragile mind (she gets overwhelmed easily and will sometimes say stuff that hurts the relationships in that mood) and a dad that has some anger issues (although he generally doesn't get angry way too often, he recently crossed a line with it and if it keeps going on like this i would have to cut ties with him as i move out) so i just generally need ways to fix it, luckily i am not suicidal at all, and dont consider it, but if you need more details just let me know, and i will respond as quickly as possible
#I need some advice for some family mental issues.
123 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
hello I'd like to know more details as this is something similar to my situation
hello! im glad that you have a similar situation as well, i am also trying to learn to help others, but what is it that you need more info on? there generally a lot so i dont think i could say it all
so whats your family just like in more details
ah. okay should i start with my parents or my sisters as i havent really gone into them as much
either one
alright im just gonna start with my sisters then
i have two younger sisters and one older sister, my oldest sister is probably my favorite family member, shes very supportive and we like having conversations often
my youngest is still pretty young, but generally isnt having too many mental issues, but logic is a bit wishy-washy but shes still not that old so i wouldnt call it out really
the main problem sister-wise is my middle sister who will lie, gaslight, generally annoying but one of the main issues is that she copies EVERYTHING from people like intrests, slang, that sort of thing
really not too much as she hates me /
shes near 13 but shes just not fun to be with
she sounds like shes spoiled or just grew up wrong
i could probably yap about it for a while but i dont think youd want to here that XD
I'm fine anyway
i can confirm that she acts very spoiled, but she hasnt neccisarily been spoiled very much
😭 bruh where did she get it from
ive been thinking about it (i get in a lot of deep conversations/thought trains but bear with me)
mhm
but from what i THINK its that she has low self esteem and has to lie to people about herself to get their approval, but the main problem with her is that she will lie about literally everything, even small things
ive luckily been able to get a good amount of education on logic/debate so it helps a lot for finding lies/manipulation tactics, but you really dont need much for her since she lies so much
she sounds like a min character syndrom
or maybe she has a lot of insecurites like you said
although that is a funny idea, i do believe that its more insicurities but theres really nothing more i can do to help her, like ive tried to help with it, but she is legitimately blind to a LOT of things and in her eyes, im a very mean guy
dang
it really sucks because i myself used to "crashout" but ive been working on it for years now and it sucks for it to just not be appreciated by the main person i did it for
and just in general, i dont see her as a family member, like i know brothers are supposed to protect their sisters/brothers, but she just doesnt feel like one
so maybe if your doing things for her and shes not going to even notice you shouldn't put effort anymore
its not worth it
thats pretty much what ive gravitated to. i try my best to just not interact with her anymore, it only hurts me more
the interesting thing though
well actully has she noticed that you are slowly going away from her
theres really no way for me to know, she wont talk to me (and listen) and yeah.
ive thought about what life would be like if i cut contact with a family member or if someone died, and for pretty much everyone its at least kind of sad, but with her, its just nothing.
damn then just stop talking to her in the house and only talk to her if you have too
as she probably won't care
i try but even when im not doing anything, not even being close to her like in a situation: shes with some of her friends, they made a little fort too, i tried to just walk downstairs and she said somthing along the lines of "be careful, theres a monster nearby"
but recently ive had a lot more trouble with my dad specifically
okay, so with my dad he has anger issues, where essentially when he gets mad he is always right, we cannot be right, and theres always somthing wrong with us
OMG THIS IS TO TRUE
usually its somthing that has to do with the house being dirty (the two younger sisters are SUPER messy, the oldest is kind of but cleans up, and i just dont make messes in general)
just today he went kind of crazy which is what made me decide to come here for help
in a situation:
we were dissagreeing on somthing not super important (but he does this all of the time even on important stuff) and i literally said "you have a different opinion than me, we dissagree, lets just move on" then he responded with "yes, but i am the father so mine is right" and then after that he said "an object was here for two days, and im right because im the father"
???????????????????????
so the thing is, that today he crossed a very serious line, and at this point if our relationship stays like this, i WILL have to cut contact with him
what he do
one thing i was saying is that since he is the father, he can make orders/ tell us what to do (which he CAN do like telling us to do chores, go to sleep past 10, etc)
but then i also said that i can peacefully protest and i defined it as "going against a rule, without hurting anyone, and knowing that there will be consequences" and it may not seem that bad at first but he responded with "you are a child. children CANNOT peacefully protest. only adults can."
wtf
and you might just thing "well thats clearly wrong" but this literally breaks what is knows as a HIGHER LAW which is rights to life, LIBERTY, and property (not pursuit of happiness thats pretty much liberty)
A.K.A: people under the age of 18 are DENIED HUMAN RIGHTS
what the heck
ya no your dad is so wrong
first your a teenager he shouldn't be getting mad over small OPINIONS
and hes not always right that just not how it works
after he said that i tried to talk to him about it (my mom was there too as my dad wasnt thinking straight) and she mostly agreed with me, but had to defend him saying "he wasn't himself" which wasnt the exact words but essentially she was saying that he said it while he was mad
but i had to talk to her in private without dad and literally told her "i really wouldn't want to, but he CROSSED A LINE, and if he stays like this, i will cut contact entirely"
well then he shouldn't project his anger issues on the kids
you see, saying that your opinions are right because you are the father certainly isnt right, it doesn't hurt my rights
but saying that i dont have a human right directly steps on my rights
ya he shouldn't be denying you the ability to say your opinions
you should 100% cut him off when your old enough
but for now be extrememly careful with what you say around him
the thing is, when he isnt angry, hes a great guy, and i really dont want to have to cut contact. now although it is smart to be careful with my words, i know that if i say whats true, since he "always is right" although there may be consequences, im fully okay with proving hiim wrong
whats super annoying though is one of the main things that make him mad is the general messiness of the house, which is usually caused by my middle sister but also a good amount by my youngest
well if you don't wanna cut him off thats fine but he shouldn't be like that
and with the mess
tell your sisters to clean up after themselves
i do, they dont XD
pretty much everyone does
he will often get mad about me not respecting him/my mom, but ive already talked to him multiple times that he cant force me to, and i will not do it unless he earns it
now i still need to do more research on the matter, but if things get bad enough i am willing to sue him, and i already have planned what i would to if i were to
for emotional damages
i always feel like i need to be prepared as today he crossed a big line, and i dont know if he will eventually start attacking me
then thats just abuse
yeah. luckily he hasnt gotten super physical, but i do have to be careful just in case it does
do you have like a close relative you can stay at if he starts getting phyical
i actually have multiple options, as my dad's side of the family actually doesn't have too many mental problems, but my moms side is almost fully cut off already
so far my main ideas are my dad's older brother or my grandfather, there is also another family that i know which could end up fully adopting me
then if the situation starts to get worse stay with them🙏
because they sound like a couple more days before they become abusive
although my mother also has some mental problems, she is much more logical, and if things start getting bad, either ill try to get with her depending on the situation, or ill just directly message my grandfather
i generally havent been keeping my phone with me all the time, but i definetly will probably try to start doing that
usually they try to make me turn it in at like nightime, but i could probably have a convo with my mom about the situation, hopefuly i would be able to do that
your mom sound a lot more logical
she is, although she does get overwhelmed pretty easily
actually, somthing i pretty much forgot to say is that my older sister already has a learner's permit and she is pretty good at driving
not really, usually she just has to be by herself for a bit
yeah although she does have mental issues, she tries her best to not hurt the family with it
thats nice
most of her side of the family is manipulative, and it is one of the biggest reasons why i studied logic
i do have a cousin thats on her side of the family though that so far, is pretty nice and i hope to get in contact with him again
so essentially, one sister i have good relations with (the oldest) and we are actually planning to be roomates after we move out, the middle sister im trying to cut contact with even now, and the youngest is really too young to know that much about. my mom has generally bad family issues and get overwhelmed easily, and my dad has anger issues and recently been getting worse, saying things that are clearly morally wrong
id say that kind of sums it up
ya well atleast you have a plan after your old enough
youll be able to be roommates with your sister
yes, and for my school theres an extra "costs of living" project and i plan to use that to get an idea of what i would need
oh well then thats great
and since youll be roomates with your sis you can like split rent
yeah, tbh im hoping to talk with someone who knows more about this kind of stuff, maybe go to therapy once i can
alright, today ima be up for a while, but just lmk when you can talk again i might be on
alright
chao
hello again