M.Ss Journal

[wide vale]

because im tired

[worn peak]

There are many people in your life that deeply care about you.

[wide vale]

i know there are some. thats why I am still alive

[wide vale]

awe noo 🥺
just noticed that my "friend...👀" relapsed😭

[wide vale]

||relapsed||

[wide vale]

shit, accidentally read news about the war in the urkain😭 it's horrible

[wide vale]

i don't like it when people say i like talking about myself. First, i tell you almost nothing about myself since i hate showing myself

second, i need ro talk a bit aboit myself because i can't be silent again, it almsot killed me last year and i can't do that again

[wide vale]

||need to put that blade away|| but idk hpw

[wide vale]

rgqnk you layla🤗 kinda rescued me

you are amazing okay, and you helped me so much today even if oyu didn't notice

you are worth soo much🤗

[steady hare]

Who tf said that to you? Imma get mad fr. Thats so messed up🥺

You absolutely can and should feel comfy talking about yourself

[steady hare]

Love you sweetie🥺 🫂 🩵

[steady hare]

You are too

[wide vale]

a friend 🫠

[wide vale]

love you too 🤗🤗

[steady hare]

Do ik them?

Bc if I do imma need to have a convo with them

[wide vale]

no yiu don't 🤗

[steady hare]

Shame

I would have told them that they have to treat you better or imma teach them a lesson

And Im fr

[wide vale]

[steady hare]

Man...

[wide vale]

aww🥺
thank you soo much

[steady hare]

Imma send hugs your way

[wide vale]

same with you

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

she won't go to work either

[wide vale]

i wanna die 🙃

[steady hare]

Do you feel a bit better now sweetie?

[wide vale]

yes thanks to you🥺🥺

[steady hare]

🫂

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

my grandma is against gender equality 🙃

😠

[wide vale]

oh they all should shit their *** mouth and leave me alone or i gonna explode

[wide vale]

||i wasn't so close to suicie than i was today. Even ehm well almost did it, or let's say i started nvm. I'm still here and kinda happy about it. Love you guys🥺❤️|| i'm sorry

i will live. I promise 🥺

i'm so numb rn. But atleast better than what i felt before

but i got sone anger out

thats good because i always jeep it in myself

[wide vale]

i'm not okay

[worn peak]

Do you need someone to talk to?

[wide vale]

thank you i appreciate it 🥺 just idk what to say

[wide vale]

i have migraine for 3 days now

😖

[steady hare]

🥺

[wide vale]

🥺🤗

[wide vale]

i'm so tired. I feel just empty

[wide vale]

i'm soo tired

good night

i'm so unimportant

[steady hare]

You are not🥺 🫂

[wide vale]

fr. I don't think many people would care if i would dissapear

[wide vale]

sleep🥺

[steady hare]

You are very important to people who care about you

You are a sweetheart that everyone should cherish to have in their life

[wide vale]

thank you😭

it's just hard for me to believe rn

[steady hare]

Its ok... were gonna get there. Just take it one step at the time.

[wide vale]

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

||relapsed ||

i should try to write here before i relapse not after it already happened 🤧 but it's not that easyy

[steady hare]

Its ok🫂

Were gonna work on it togwther

[wide vale]

tzank you 🥹

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

g

[wide vale]

idk how i'm going to survive the holiday on thursday and the day off on friday 🥺

[steady hare]

🥺 🫂

[worn peak]

Maybe you could do an activity you enjoy with the time off, one you wouldn't normally get to do?

[wide vale]

i don't know which🥺

[worn peak]

Perhaps a movie, or a visit to a bakery or cafe, or maybe just a nice walk on a trail or park? You don't have to do any of those things, but the additional free time could be a nice opportunity.

[wide vale]

yeah but i always do that🥺 i go for a walk every day

and i often visit the bakery

and watch movies every day🥺🥺

watch 3 just today

so idk🥺

i feel so idk, numb rn. But kinda also just sad🙃 drawinh doesn't even help

[worn peak]

Maybe a new activity to break up the monotony of the day will help.

[wide vale]

🥺 any suggestions?

[wide vale]

i want tattoos to cover up..

[wide vale]

i drawed flowers on my leg and arm 😭😂😂

soo silyy

[worn peak]

I'm not sure, maybe since you like art perhaps if there's a local community of artist you could get involved and create art together?

[wide vale]

i will see if there is something like tgar in my city 🤗

[wide vale]

my "parents" got a new car they want me to visit them tomorrow to look at ut🙃

[wide vale]

||a bit afraid to fall back in old habbits. I mean i didn't always used to cut myself 🙃 shen i was younger i mostly burned myself and this lighter looks pretty seductive to me rn||

i'm okay, but this urge didn't happen for years idk probably about 7-8 years 🫠 i would like to know what triggered me

i didn't have contact to my mum for 1 week. And i felt fine, better than after the call And that makes me feel so guilty😭

[wide vale]

soo bored... and yes i cut of the one side because i don't esnna show it here😅

[worn peak]

That's a pretty rose.

[worn peak]

Do you think there's a path to understand that underlying motivation?

[wide vale]

yeah but idk how🥺

[wide vale]

i'm not okay rn.. Not at all 🥺 i feel soo idk, soo lonely and sad. Even though i have people to talk to, and some really make me happy i just idk. I need to ve able to be alone

[wide vale]

feel like ||relapsing||

[wide vale]

||i always have a blade in my portemonnaie and idk where it is it's gone.. if it fell out of it in my "parents" car i'm cooked||

[wide vale]

||i built a necklace out of a blade 😅
maybe not the best thing to do but it was fun||

[wide vale]

😭

i just idk

litterally nobody i need is reachable rn

[gusty widget]

I am here

[wide vale]

thank you🥺🥺

[wide vale]

||my leg is so covered in scars in august im cooked||

[wide vale]

feel like relapsing 🫠

[wide vale]

soon is pride month 🥳🏳️‍🌈

[wide vale]

i'm watching h2o the whole day now🤣 thats just crazy

so ** crazy

but it's childhood so nvm

[wide vale]

i dreamed bad 🫠

it's stupid, really stupidI'm very veryyy afraid of heights and me and some "friends" were on the top of a building, they convinced me to. We had to go up a staircase on the outside of the buildingand then they just left and i wqs stuck... on the too of the building🫠and yes that really happened once....then i texted many people nobody came and then my ohone ran out of battery

😭🤣 i'm like veryy afraid

back then i laid down on the building and got so dizzy 🙃

[wide vale]

at this point i was wayy too bored today

[wide vale]

been drawing a long time today

[wide vale]

feel like relapsing

[wide vale]

i feel like almost nobody cares about me, but as soon as i would leave everyone would be devasted. And the people that truly care the some people are not here rn. Or feel bad on their own and i don't wanna add ro that

and i can't even play a game which is my safe space rn

i'm nobody

[gusty widget]

Why do you say that?

[wide vale]

you feel bad on your own and i don't wanna add ro that atm. And yes Layla cares, some other people care too... but even the people that care besides lalyla and slothie and you nobody listens

to what i say how i feel

[gusty widget]

I will listen

[worn peak]

Perhaps it's more about understanding than listening? Many people can have experiences similar to one another, but it doesn't mean they understand what it is like for everyone else. Do you feel misunderstood?

[worn peak]

Those figures are nice.

[wide vale]

yes i feel missunderstood with some people, not all of them but some yds🥺

[wide vale]

oh it's fathers day today... well congrats dad for being a horrible father

[wide vale]

i need to clean my apartment

i hate it

everything needs to be perfect

[wide vale]

i cleaned up till now💀

[wide vale]

just ehm, that's all i need to say about my sleep rhythm

[wide vale]

good night everyone

[winged widget]

Good night :))

[wide vale]

why are you still awake🥺

[winged widget]

Just got home from work

[wide vale]

sleep well🤗

[winged widget]

Will do

[wide vale]

migraine is killing me, but i'm fine

[wide vale]

i want new rings🤧

[wide vale]

i needddd

🤣

i'm weirdly happy again

[wide vale]

i'm sooo tired

stayed awake till 4 am

[wide vale]

okay i can't deny the new car from my "parents" is amazing

[wide vale]

i wish i would be less shy anf just talk to people. Ask them for their number or whatever

i mean, why can't i just do that. Whats the worse that can happen? them saying no? or sorry i'm not into woman? i mean okay might hurt but i need to tryy it

especially when i already know that the person is gayy 🫠 why didn't i just ask

[wide vale]

agh silly me 😭

[wide vale]

my mood depends too much on other people

[wide vale]

first layer done

okayy now i will studyy for 20 minutes and then i will sleeo

[gusty widget]

Did you make that?

[wide vale]

yes😅

good night

[wide vale]

sleepyy

[wide vale]

happy pride monthh 🤗🏳️‍🌈

[wide vale]

better than before

it turned out okay

[wide vale]

im enjoying rv shows again🥳 thats a good sign

[wide vale]

had a panic attack

[wide vale]

||relapsed today||

[wide vale]

i slept 4 hours tonight, i'm so tired

[wide vale]

||my cuts burn so much rn, got soap in them|| gosh i regret that😭

[wide vale]

i'm so numb

[steady hare]

Martha...

[wide vale]

i feel soo idk, im just so tired so exhausted of it and i can't do anything, i can't mqke myself feel better neither can i help people.. i look at the news and every time i feel like crap. I don't want to fight anymore ||i feel like relapsing, i want to rn|| but i know it's wrong.. and i would regtwt it soo much, but i just wanna feel something else than this And yes i tried skills to distract myself but rn it's just too much, i'm soo tired

people hate on each other, people huet each other. This world would be such a better place if there weren't soo many people with a fragile ego and anger. Why hate on other people? why attack other people.

All these wars it's just soo useless and in the end it's all about money... Money is a concept made by human.. Every misery in humanity is made by human. Is made by men, by stupid men. And now instead of change people want back the good old times and don't see how much hate amd fights they start just with wanting that. just accelt change, live with it. Then it wouldn't all be so messed up

or i don't get how people can start hating because of LGBTQIA+ how can you hate someone because of love? i just don't get these people. And i will never understand it, none of them.

And then there is me.. already being depressed and just reading about this *** knowing i can't do anything, can't change anything just have to accept it

its okay when i suffer, it's fine. But why the other people, i want them to feel good. Idc about me, but others good peacefull people, i don't want them to cet such a hate or them being in War because of arrogant man. and yes i know its not always man... but also there is no female politician i knoe from that started a war especially not because of an hurt ego

i knoe you can't get everything you wish for. But still it breaks me to see all these people suffer

i'm sorry, this became more politic than i wanted it ro

i just i just, i stopped fighting for myself, i fight for others🥺 and yeah, knowing i can't help sucks

and yes i know, one day i will just die, everyone will die at some point and thats the only thing that gives me hope

in the end everyone who suffered or lived a happy live doesn't matter anymlre.

We jist don't excist than anymore

No consciousness soo nobody could remember suffering and pain.. like it never happened because in the end, nobody who ever felt pain excists anymore then

it just doesn't matter

That gives me a bit of hope.

atleats somethinh i'm sure about.

and everyone who dies atm in for example wars.. they are gone, can't think no consciousness just nothing. the only thing that makes us sad is that we couldn't spend more time with them. If we miss people it's kinda egoistic, Its just about "my live would have been better, i would have wanted to share that..". and so on.

This all is ofcourse just my view on the world🤗 i don't say anything else is wrong because i can't know it. But thats what i believe in, what i'm convinced about

i think it's the first time i really used this place to write down some of my thoughts, feels... relieving

good night ❤️

[unreal shore]

i love this sm<3

(not all the shit going on in the world, ur thoughts on it all)

[wide vale]

aww thank you 🤗

[wide vale]

feel like relapsing

[wide vale]

||relapsed ||

[wide vale]

🫠

[wide vale]

im not feeling okay rn

migraine migraine migraine

fu*k migraine

i just wanna be happy

but i can't 🥺

just want someone to talk, to be here i appreciate everyone online but someofflune would be njce too

[wide vale]

i'm so unsocial.... why tf invite me to a partyy😭😭
i'm standing here... quiet

[wide vale]

i hate that i need to be drunk to be more myself... sounds weird but i'm so shy, i talk soo quiet people mostly doesn't even here me and then i overthink and i hate it. But when im slightly drunk i'm nit shy, show more of myself

[wide vale]

thinking about watching vikings again

[wide vale]

gonna meet them now, they decided to do a barbecue this evening 😭
i hate barbecue i always did... and we still always did it to my birthday

why now

[wide vale]

i don't find my sharpener

[wide vale]

okay i wanted to study ehmmmm i made a "little" break. Atleast that was the plan😭

[steady hare]

Looks amazing

[wide vale]

thsnk you🤗

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

ohh and btw, i think i didn't show it but i made myself a new bracelett tonight 😅 was veryy bored and doing something always helps to shut my mind down

[steady hare]

Awwww that looks so pretty

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

i should sleep but instead i panic every time i close my eyes

[wide vale]

😭

[wide vale]

i'm so tired

[steady hare]

🥺 😭

I feel you... same here

Its too early

[wide vale]

yess😭

[gusty widget]

I’m tired asf

It’s time for me to sleep

[wide vale]

sleep welk

[gusty widget]

I will

Goodnight ladies

Have a great day both of you❤️💤

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

||relapsed||

im sorry🥺 i know i need to resist

[steady hare]

Dont be sorry... its not your fault🥺

[wide vale]

thank you 🥺

[wide vale]

gosh i messed up so much, i know i need it to be healed till then.. just took the bandage off 🙃 and just fu*k

[wide vale]

headache but gonna go out with my "friend" from work later

[wide vale]

so someone who ghosted me tried to text me Yesterday but couldn't since we donshare a server anymore so i send her a friends request bzt she doesn't accept

[steady hare]

🥺

[wide vale]

i'm so tired

[wide vale]

i don't wanna fight anymore

[wide vale]

i'm soo tir4d

i don't want to fight anymore

[wide vale]

i reqlly feel so lost rn, even told my mum to visit her today because i didn't want to be alone 🥲

[wide vale]

just noticed i didn't eat in 58 hours🥺

[wide vale]

still didn't eat🤧

[steady hare]

Martha....

Please eat smt... if not for yourself... do it for the people who love you

[wide vale]

i m in the Restaurant now 🥺
ordered something

[steady hare]

🥺

Thank you🫂

[wide vale]

i'm so lost

[gusty widget]

Me too

[wide vale]

i'm sorry

[wide vale]

i feel like relapsing

I really try to resist but i'm weak

i don't matter

never did never will.

And that's okay, i mean why do i need to matter to other people just to feel good? it doesn't make any sense. But people are like that, mostly they need attention from other people. Why can't i have a value independent of other people. Why do we always tend to compare each other

[wide vale]

don't know how long i can resist anymore

[wide vale]

i'm so lost atm... work is fine i enjoy it but agter work

i can't

[brazen pawn]

Dont lose hope, u got this, i cheer for you 🙏🏼

[wide vale]

thank you🥺
i really appreciate it a lot

[brazen pawn]

And dont worry about those scars, they show your strength and not weakness 🫶
Pls never hurt ur self again 🙏🏼

Also your sketches are amazing 😍

[wide vale]

thank you, i try my best but can't promise anything 🥺🤗🤗

[wide vale]

aww thank you soo much💕🤧

[brazen pawn]

Ping me, i will remind you not to hurt urself 🙏🏼

[wide vale]

i try my best😅 even though it's hard to do anything when i fee like ut... but i do appreciate it soo much
How are yiu?🤗

[brazen pawn]

Ik that feeling, pls be kind to yourself

[brazen pawn]

On the question of how am i?
I just wanna die, i am tired of telling ppl 'i am fine'

[wide vale]

heyyy i'm here for you🥺
if you wanna talk you can always reach out to me

[brazen pawn]

Tysm, but even idk how to tell let alone describing it

[wide vale]

thats oka,, just know you are not alone. And never need to lie about how you feel okay?🥺

[brazen pawn]

I vented about it in venting channel, feeling a little better thx to the nice ppls here, but this ache in my heart wont stop (and no its not from any disease)

[wide vale]

i understand that so well🥺
but you are not alone, we are here for each other okay?

[brazen pawn]

The only time i cant lie about feeling is when i am online, offline ppl just call it overthinking, laughs about it and move on

[brazen pawn]

Thx ✌🏼❤️

[wide vale]

well they are wrong and you know tht🥺 i know it's not much but you kbow they are wrong and i know so too

[brazen pawn]

Doesn't matter whose right or wrong, i am the fool, i dont think anyone can understand me but its also true that its my fault cuz i can't explain it

[wide vale]

still noh your fault🥺
they could still be more understandinh even if you can't explain it, they don't need to understand but they should still take ut serious

[brazen pawn]

U know what hurts more, when online ppl are kinder and understanding than the offline ones 😭

[wide vale]

you will find the real ones🥺💕

[brazen pawn]

Well, only hope i can but i am losing it as well

I wanna kms to end this suffering

[wide vale]

and even though we are online we are there for oyu🥺 but i know it's difficult

[wide vale]

i understand that feeling but don't give up, you can do it

[brazen pawn]

Pls, i am already teary eyes, i dont have the strength to cry again, tysm buddy

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

Cant promise if i make it or not

[wide vale]

i understand that, and i wouldn't want a promise. It just makes more pressure🤗 trying is all i can and would ever ask for🥺💕

[brazen pawn]

Tysm 🙏🏼🫂, hope u also do the best in your life and all of your problems go away

[wide vale]

you too and your life too🥺 🫂

||i didn't want to mention it but it's my journal so... i already relapsed today 🥺|| i'm sorry

[brazen pawn]

I am so sorry but please dont do it again
Kind souls like you shouldn't be suffering

[wide vale]

i try my best not ro do it again🥺🤗

[brazen pawn]

Its alright, please take proper medical care too 🫂

Its gonna be light at the end of this dark tunnel

[wide vale]

yes i know🥺

[wide vale]

will do it🤗
thank yoi🥺

[brazen pawn]

Remember there are ppl rooting for you to win in life ( i am one of them too)

[wide vale]

same with you, always okay?🥺 you can do it

[brazen pawn]

Ty ✌🏼

[wide vale]

🫂

[wide vale]

gonna take care of it now, see you soon

[brazen pawn]

Cya, take care and have a nice day

[wide vale]

you too

[brazen pawn]

Also can i friend u if u dont mind

[wide vale]

yess of course i would like that

[brazen pawn]

Ty 😊

[wide vale]

the world is so messed uo

[brazen pawn]

What happened?

[wide vale]

im just exhaustet

from life

[brazen pawn]

Same

For some reason, my whole body is in pain

I cant explain it but it is excruciating, especially the heart, feeling total exhaust

From this i wanna say, take rest if ur exhaust, but dont stop and do something wrong🙏🏼

[wide vale]

i try my best🤗

[brazen pawn]

Great 😃👍🏼

[wide vale]

went for a 3 hours walk and i feel better

[wide vale]

made the 16 persobality test 🤣 (im bored) my result is INFP- Tbtw

[brazen pawn]

Thats great 👍🏼

[wide vale]

🥳

i don't know why or what but here we go😭🤣

[brazen pawn]

Cool art bro

[wide vale]

thank you

i've been reading stuff about dopamin and air humidity for hours now💀 i'm such a nerd

[wide vale]

i was sleeping so well but my mum called me... just told me some random stuff

she was drunk

[wide vale]

my grandma sae spme cuts but i came up with a lie💀
my heart beat is so high😭

[brazen pawn]

Dw, hope one day you will be powerful enough that u dont have to lie again 🙏🏼

[wide vale]

i would be powerfull enough .. they are not

[brazen pawn]

Ooh, hope they get the strength to hear it too

[wide vale]

they would need therapists tooo..😅🤧

[brazen pawn]

😅

[wide vale]

im so tired

[wide vale]

||usually when i relaps i'm careful so that nobody notices... i thought i was careful but i had to lie to another person about ut today😭||

[wide vale]

nightmares al the time

[wide vale]

😭

[brazen pawn]

Hydro dragon hydro dragon, don't cry

[wide vale]

aww🥺

clean for 5 days 🥳🤧

[brazen pawn]

Yay

Ur doing great 👍🏼

[wide vale]

tzank you so much🤗

[steady hare]

[wide vale]

i,m overthinking about my father 🙄

[wide vale]

i tanned so much 🙃
i don't like ut

[brazen pawn]

Damn

Get detan ig

[wide vale]

🤣😅of course.....

[wide vale]

a good friend of mine is high and drunk rn... for the first time she texted me i asjed her not to do it she still did it and even lied about it at first, i'm kinda hurt

[wide vale]

i wanna die

just die

[wide vale]

||i slept so bad, couldn't fall askeeo till 2 because i was just too done with everything, i felt so bad and worthless i still feel like that. Then i fell asleep and dreamed from relapsing 🙃 why tf do i dream that. It was a relieving dream though so now i will probably relapse even though i knpw i will regret it||

[wide vale]

||relapsed ||

[steady hare]

🥺

[wide vale]

i'm not okay rn

[brazen pawn]

Nooo what happened to u ms

[brazen pawn]

Pls dont

Hurt urself anymore

🫂

[wide vale]

i'm sorry🥺

[wide vale]

idk sometimes i just can't anymore 🥺

[brazen pawn]

Its alright, dont hurt urself anymore please 🥺

Ur not alone

[wide vale]

thank youu🥺🤗

[wide vale]

you know it's hard sometimes 🥺

[brazen pawn]

I understand u truly

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

Ik its hard but resist it

[wide vale]

i try my best, i promise 🤗🤗

[brazen pawn]

No gifs

Aww

[wide vale]

i still saw it for a second, thank youu

[brazen pawn]

I believe u ms but try harder next time

[wide vale]

i tried so much🙂

[brazen pawn]

Its alright ms

[wide vale]

thank you🤗

[brazen pawn]

Please take some bandage 🩹

Is it hurting?

[wide vale]

i did🤗

[wide vale]

yeah😖

[brazen pawn]

Thank god

[brazen pawn]

Oof 🫂

[wide vale]

it's okqy🤗

[brazen pawn]

Dont be afraid to take professional help if the pain won't go away

[wide vale]

it's okqy i'm used to it🤗

[brazen pawn]

Thats not something u should be used to 😢 😭

[wide vale]

i know 🥺🥺
i'm sorry, but it's really getting less and less

[brazen pawn]

Its alright ms

Take proper rest

[wide vale]

i need to eat something and study... but i don't have any food at home

[brazen pawn]

Can u ask someone from ur family to buy something for u?

[wide vale]

noooo i don't wanna make my mental health worse by just seeing them🤧

[brazen pawn]

Oof

Any known person u know nearby

Who can help u

[wide vale]

i wrote a friend about maybe studying together.. she said give me 1 minute just arriving home.. no answer

[brazen pawn]

Oh

[wide vale]

yeah 🙃

[brazen pawn]

I feel bad that i cannot help u

🙏

[wide vale]

you help with just being here🥺

[brazen pawn]

Thx ms

[wide vale]

hust being honest🤗

[brazen pawn]

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

🥺

[steady hare]

🥺

[winged widget]

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

i can't do this anymore

[wide vale]

i'm okay now🤗

[wide vale]

ugh i'm fucked up by myself

i don't usually stutter

i never did

well i did when i was very young but it got "trained" better to say scared out of me

my family noticed it and i had to talk to them till i was able to talk 5 minutes at once without stuttering😖
they didn't let me stop till i did it. Sometimes for hours🙃

and when i was able to the new goal was 10 minutes

... and they got very upset when i took long

i don't recommend it but it worked😭😭
but now sometimes it just happens

it was never that worse btw just sometimes

it's worse on days i didn't talk much because then i thought a lot and my mind is running 🤧 idk hard to explain... then i think too fast for myself to talk

[brazen pawn]

🫂

Ur are unique in your own way ms

[wide vale]

thank yoou🥺

[brazen pawn]

I am sorry ms, i had gone to sleep after texting that msg, didn't mean to ghost u or something like that

[wide vale]

awe don't worrryy i thought so 🤗

[brazen pawn]

Ty ms 🫂

How was your day today

[grave merlin]

Hello i read your message about being sa abuse and other and I am sorry to hear that happened to you and you dezerved love and better. What are the things that make you happy ussely? Like whould you like for me to send you some Memes

In dm

[wide vale]

idk what makes me happy, maybe spme games and drawing. And i really appreciate the offer with the memes, they are often not my humor so no, but really i appreciate it so much. Thann you for the offer and for reading this 🥹

[grave merlin]

Well then funny shorts i hand picked them myself and watched them a lot of times

[wide vale]

we can try yeah🤗
how are you

[wide vale]

meh and youes?🤗🤗

[grave merlin]

Can I send them to DM since the server does not allow links

[wide vale]

yes you can

[brazen pawn]

Okayish

[wide vale]

awe atleast not bad. So glad to hear that

[brazen pawn]

Thats one way to interpret it 😅

[wide vale]

yeah🤧

[brazen pawn]

Wbu

[wide vale]

not good🤗
kinda feel like relapsing

[brazen pawn]

Noo pls dont relapse 🤞

Stay strong buddy

[wide vale]

try my best

[brazen pawn]

U will dw

[wide vale]

🥺

thank you

[brazen pawn]

All the best buddy 🫂

[wide vale]

yoj are amazing 🥹🤗

[brazen pawn]

U too ms

U are amazing too

[wide vale]

thann you🥺

[steady hare]

Sweetie

Im here ok?

[wide vale]

thank you so much🤗

[steady hare]

🫂

[wide vale]

feel like relapsing again

[unreal shore]

whats ur fav color

[wide vale]

black and yours?🤗🤗

[unreal shore]

r u home

[wide vale]

(ydah i know black is not seen as a colour because it's a contrast) but idc

[wide vale]

yes kinda 🤗🤗

how are you

[unreal shore]

good

hv u relapsed

[wide vale]

thats great, i'm so happy to hear that🥹

[wide vale]

not yet... let's say you wrote me in the last second 🤧🙃

[unreal shore]

u should dress in an outfit theme is black

[wide vale]

im in my pyjamas 😅 ready for bed

[unreal shore]

can u draw clothes

[wide vale]

i don't have anything to draw here 🤧

[unreal shore]

alr

then plan one

[wide vale]

👀

[unreal shore]

tell me ur visionnn

[wide vale]

okqyy 🤗

hmmm

a black blazer, with not tight sleeves at all🤔

[unreal shore]

ooh

what texture

[wide vale]

ehm like stable but soft?

[unreal shore]

alr continue

[wide vale]

hmmm also it shouldn't be tight at the tips, a bit more wide

[unreal shore]

GORGG

[wide vale]

and a black bluse under it, which should be wide too 🤔

a bit wide

[wide vale]

with silver buttons

[unreal shore]

😮

[wide vale]

the trousers should fit zhe blazer

🤔 but also a bit more wide especially

the ...how to say it in ebglush🤧

[unreal shore]

um

baggy?

[wide vale]

The trouser legs should not run tightly (google translate 🙈)

[unreal shore]

i get what u mean

[wide vale]

hmm shoes... 🤔
maybe boots, black boots with a plateau.

fake leather🤔

[unreal shore]

oooh

[wide vale]

maybee a silver chain at one pocket of the trousers

[unreal shore]

slap this shit on a woman and i’ll come running with my pupils dilating

[wide vale]

🤣aww so you like it

glad to hear that

[unreal shore]

love the ideas of the silver buttons and how nothings too tight

very elegant

[wide vale]

aww yay 🥹

[unreal shore]

can i ask u a favor

[wide vale]

yes of course

🤗

[unreal shore]

tmrw (or whenever u can) get ur art supplies and put them by ur room or smth

[wide vale]

will do that🤗🥹
thank you so much

you helped me so much rn

[unreal shore]

and next time u feel like u know what text the journal and if no one answers in time go back to these and DRAW THAT FITT

[wide vale]

you like designing clothes?

[unreal shore]

hell nah

cant draw for my life

[wide vale]

okayy 🥹🤗🤗

[unreal shore]

hbu

[wide vale]

awe🤧❤️
i never drawed clothes either... but gonna give it a try

[unreal shore]

periodd

i should try too

[wide vale]

💅💕

[wide vale]

yeass

[unreal shore]

i swear u said it before but i forgot

[wide vale]

show me the result then? 👀💕

[unreal shore]

whats ur fav thing to draw

ofcc i promise:D

[wide vale]

hmmm i don't know atm, probably hearts 😅

[wide vale]

thqnk youuu

[unreal shore]

REAL

i love stars

[wide vale]

thats grwat😍

I love it

[unreal shore]

hv u ever gotten into writing

[wide vale]

.. just for myself and it's not good 😅
and you?

[unreal shore]

im getting back into poetry and omfg i love it smm

theres no rules and u just go crazy with all ur emotions

best part is they dont gotta make sense

[wide vale]

thats so amazing, poetry is such an amazing way of impressing. I love it❤️😍

i wrote some poems aboit suicide a while ago... 🤧

you should do it 👀

[unreal shore]

suicidal poems…?

[wide vale]

yeah 😅🤧
i meant i wrote spme stuff whne i was veryy suicidal soo the texts are ugh

[unreal shore]

i willl

if ur comfortable with it, we should share our poems with eachother sometimes

[wide vale]

yess i would love to 😍

[unreal shore]

yayyy 😆

i’m not home rn but when i am i’ll send them to u cus theyre on my computer

[wide vale]

in 1 month i gotte be able to relax a biz then i can stay awake longer and we don't always miss each other🤧😅

[wide vale]

thank you 🥹

[unreal shore]

niceee whats gonna change?

[wide vale]

i gotta make a vacation with my aunt and also idk, summer is always more relaxing 😅

[unreal shore]

where u gonna go?

[wide vale]

also less university

[wide vale]

Kreta 🤧

she suggested it years ago so i have to go with her..

even though i don't want

[unreal shore]

r u close with her?

[wide vale]

we grew up like sisters 🤧 but she is crazy

always thinks she is gonna die everyone is gonna die.

Tells me what to do how to change

to live longer or whatever🥺

and then she yells and screams

[unreal shore]

damn

how does that make u feel

[wide vale]

yeah 🥺

[wide vale]

i got numb about it🥺 but not good

oh wow it just started raining soooo much

[unreal shore]

stay dryy

[wide vale]

i'm in my bed 🙈😅

[unreal shore]

well i’m sorry ur aunt sounds like a bitch

[wide vale]

yeah she sometimes is🤧 she is definitely a reason why my family doesn't know anything about my scars

[unreal shore]

why? would she harass u abt them?

[wide vale]

when i was a child i did very worse skin picking at my arm... have some very deep scars from it but very small

she once just told me "just stop with that! you thinn you gonna get a job with scars? How could they take you serious?'' 🤧 the scars were small dots.. and i was 10

[unreal shore]

tff that’s messed up man

[wide vale]

definitely didn't make me feel more comfortable about telling them about the other scars..m🤷‍♀️

[unreal shore]

yeah that rlly sucks

i get u tho

just know that the right ppl

[wide vale]

it's okay 🥺🤗

[unreal shore]

theyll love u scars or not

[wide vale]

yeah🥹🤧💕

[unreal shore]

the place ur going

is it hot there

[wide vale]

yes🤧 and at the beach... and that scares me

[wide vale]

and we gonna go swimming.. soo i have a prob

Problem

[unreal shore]

oh shit 😭

[wide vale]

i thought about henna tattoos so far 😖 since idk, i don't find a foundation that works well enough

[wide vale]

||feel like relapsing||

[wide vale]

||relapsed||

[steady hare]

Omg Martha.... I just saw it

🥺 😭

Im so sorry

[wide vale]

gonna get so drunk tomorrow i just don't wanna feel anymore

||feel like relapsing again 🙃
or still? idk whatever i wanna feel something else than this||

[wide vale]

||relapsed ||

[brazen pawn]

Noooo

Ms

If ur not feeling well, talk to us

[wide vale]

when its worse it's difficult to talk🥺

[brazen pawn]

I understand but pls talk to us when u feel like relapsing

[wide vale]

idk if i can🥺

[brazen pawn]

Ik u can

I have faith in you

[wide vale]

you know it's difficult 🥺

how are you

[brazen pawn]

I am good, how are you

[wide vale]

ysyy thats great, i'm okay🤗

[brazen pawn]

Ik but in these difficult times, we have to remember whom u can talk to and talk to them with your whole heart poured out

[wide vale]

i try my best so mucg🥺

[brazen pawn]

Make sure u make it great tomorrow

[brazen pawn]

Ik u try ur best, dw friend

Ik how much hardship u goes through each day

[wide vale]

aww will try🤗

[wide vale]

yeah🥺

[brazen pawn]

Very good, never let these annoying negative ppl effect u so much

Ur stronger than that ms

[wide vale]

awe🥺🤗
but nobody annoyed me today just myself

[brazen pawn]

Though i am sitting in a different corner of the world, i wish you will achieve a Happy life and bright future ms

[brazen pawn]

Overthinking?

[wide vale]

ye🤗

[wide vale]

you too

[brazen pawn]

Dont let this overthinking affect u too much

[wide vale]

i try m ybest not to 🥺

[brazen pawn]

All the best ms 🫶

[wide vale]

you are amazing

[grave merlin]

How are you today

[wide vale]

i slept till now

remembered a musician that can shit my thoughts a bit🥳

[wide vale]

i'm soo nervous aghh

[wide vale]

i hate my life

i wanna die🥺🥺

[wide vale]

i'm so social akward

[unreal shore]

why what happened

[wide vale]

i'm at a party

😅😅

[unreal shore]

ohh ok

[wide vale]

and i don't like it and felt completely outcast at ghe start🥺

[grave merlin]

Good night hope you the best

[wide vale]

thanks you too

[unreal shore]

r u just not clicking with the others?

[wide vale]

yeah exactly

i just don't fit

[unreal shore]

i get that

who invited u

[wide vale]

a friend.. last party i fitted way more because it was less alcohol

and more gaming

[unreal shore]

oh i see

[wide vale]

yeah

[wide vale]

i do too much for others. I mean i don't do anything to get something back idc 🤧 but it hurts to see they wouldn't do the same

[steady hare]

🥺 🫂

[wide vale]

||feel like relapsing||

i'm sorry

love you guys❤️
always

[brazen pawn]

It always do

[brazen pawn]

No don't pls

[brazen pawn]

❤️

[wide vale]

i failed 🥺

[brazen pawn]

Noo pls 🥺

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

🫂

[wide vale]

how are you

[brazen pawn]

I am just doing fine, wbu

[wide vale]

i'm glad to hear that 🤗
i'm pretty done... and i need to do a lot today because my mum is gonna visit tomorrow but i jjst don't have the energy 🥺

[brazen pawn]

Oof

Hope u your best day tomorrow

[wide vale]

thank you 🥺 ... also need to have something for work finished tomorrow...

[brazen pawn]

Oh

[wide vale]

🙃

[brazen pawn]

Well, good luck to you

[wide vale]

thank you🥺❤️

[steady hare]

Youre a cutie

I love you🩵 🫂

[wide vale]

love you too ❤️
thank you for todsy

[steady hare]

Ofc

🩵

Anytime for you

[wide vale]

[wide vale]

i don't matter

[brazen pawn]

U matter

[wide vale]

not to myself 🥺

[brazen pawn]

But to other's, yeah

[wide vale]

sadly not to the people here🥺

[brazen pawn]

U will, dw

[wide vale]

than you🥺💕

[wide vale]

The last hours of pride month🥺

[brazen pawn]

It already ended here

[wide vale]

not in my time zone🤣

[brazen pawn]

Lol

[wide vale]

i just want this feeling to pass

the screaming inside of me

i don't feek anything but sadness

i'm just tired

and the only way I know to make myself feel better is ||sh|| but I don't want to

I don't wanna do it

[brazen pawn]

No u dont ms

[wide vale]

but i"m so tired of feeling like this

[brazen pawn]

Very good

[wide vale]

I don't laugh, i don't cry i don't feel anything besides emptiness

sadness

thats it

nothing can change my emotions 🥺

[brazen pawn]

Wanna talk about it ?

[wide vale]

about what?🥺

[brazen pawn]

About this feeling u have, u can talk, vent, rant all to your hearts content

[wide vale]

i can't rant... i'm not angry 🥺

i can't explain it

[brazen pawn]

Watch any series?

Anime

Games

Some fun activity

[wide vale]

... i appreciate it but i just don't feel anything 🥺

watched a funny show today... didn't feel any hapiness

played my favourite game.. didn't enjoy it

tried to draw, just stared at an empty sheet of paper

[brazen pawn]

I fear that if u don't do anything and just sit still, u might do something that u will regret later, i dont my friends to suffer

[brazen pawn]

I see, u need a trip, go for a trip

A long ride

[wide vale]

where? why? how? i can't afford 🥺 also. i don't know anywhere were i wanna go

[wide vale]

same🥺

[brazen pawn]

Anywhere, to get a change in environment, by any means, it doesn't need to be expensive 🫰🏼

[brazen pawn]

Dw, i am here for u

I will try to distract u now

[wide vale]

🥺 i don't even have anyone here. I don't have an Environment

[wide vale]

thank you

[brazen pawn]

Hmm, by environment, i meant the ppl around u, ik it's not possible to change ppl but u can take some time off from them

[brazen pawn]

Your welcome 🤗

What's your fav game btw ?

[wide vale]

well .. i don't really have anyone here anyways 🙃

[wide vale]

i have many🙈

[brazen pawn]

Like not right now, i meant ppl u meet on a daily basis

[brazen pawn]

Like, i am curious to know

[wide vale]

i don't

[brazen pawn]

Hmmm

[wide vale]

i love sims and minecraft 😅
also call of duty and ehm a mobile game 🙈

[wide vale]

🤗🤗it's alright

[brazen pawn]

Thats cool, which mobile game tho

[wide vale]

kings choice 😳

[brazen pawn]

Minecraft is like everyone's fav

[brazen pawn]

Ooh, thats an interesting choice

[wide vale]

minecraft is just amazing 😳

[wide vale]

you knpw it😅

[brazen pawn]

I never tried it, tell me more about it

[brazen pawn]

Too amazing 😍

[wide vale]

you just need to be active and play different events🤗
its more about the people you play with though

[brazen pawn]

Ik its like a choice game right but with a lot of beautiful women

[wide vale]

yess

[brazen pawn]

Its a multiplayer game 👀

[wide vale]

yes thats true too🙈

[wide vale]

yes👀

[brazen pawn]

Why u closing ur eyes, hiding some secrets

[brazen pawn]

I see

[wide vale]

it's a bit embarrassing🙈🤣

[brazen pawn]

Wanna talk about it ?
Now i am very curious to know

We can talk in dms if u don't wanna talk here

[wide vale]

well the woman and man in the game 😳 you can ... get them to a point... im wvich they don't wear a lot anymore 🙈🙈

ehm almost nothing

[brazen pawn]

Hoping there are no scenes in between them, right 😳

[brazen pawn]

Thats cool

[wide vale]

nope not really 🤣
luckily🙈

[brazen pawn]

Fantasy is also a really cool genre u know

[brazen pawn]

😂

Ngl, the game sounds fun

[wide vale]

ahhhh🤣

i play iz for 2 years now😅

every day

🤣what

[brazen pawn]

Thats dedication

[wide vale]

yess

[brazen pawn]

Nothing, just some funny ideas i was getting

[wide vale]

oh gosh🙈

[brazen pawn]

[brazen pawn]

Shhhhhhhh 🤫

[wide vale]

🙈

[wide vale]

ehmm

[brazen pawn]

Yeah nothing

What about other games

[wide vale]

pf course...

[wide vale]

👀

there are some njce ones

[brazen pawn]

Like

[wide vale]

ehm👀 i forgot 🤣

[brazen pawn]

Forgot or too embarrassing to tell 🙈

[wide vale]

i like haeey potter legacy.. and ssome star wars games 🙈

[brazen pawn]

Ooh, those are really cool too

[wide vale]

yess

[brazen pawn]

How can u forgot or else...

Hiding the real games u like

[wide vale]

i'm bad at answering questions 🤣

ohh and palia is nice too

(Jel is hot)..

[brazen pawn]

Ummm hmmmm,
crush on fictional character>>>>>>>>>>

[wide vale]

nooo

not anymore

[brazen pawn]

Why? 👀

[wide vale]

🤣idk

[brazen pawn]

Cmon, we all have some fictional crushes

[wide vale]

not atm🤧

i meannnn do you watch marvel.?

[brazen pawn]

Ofc

[wide vale]

(i'm a geek) 🙈

[brazen pawn]

😂

[wide vale]

you watched agatha coven of chaos 👀?

[wide vale]

a huge geek🙈 tend to hide that🤭

[brazen pawn]

Its good mate, nothing to hide

[wide vale]

🙈thank yoj

[brazen pawn]

Np bud

[brazen pawn]

Well, due to my exams ( i am a med student btw) haven't really watched marvel that much

[wide vale]

ohh wow thats amazing 🤩
i'm proud of you

i really recommend the show🙈

since we were just talking aboit fictional crushes

[brazen pawn]

Tysm 🫂 ❤️
But its really exhausting

[wide vale]

i can imagine 🥺
but you can do it

[brazen pawn]

Alright, noted down in my list of shows i will watch (hopefully someday)

[wide vale]

... btw... i don't have a clue how old you are 🙈

[brazen pawn]

Its in my profile

[wide vale]

take your timee🤗🤗

[brazen pawn]

Server profile

[wide vale]

oh yess i see

[brazen pawn]

Ty

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

Dw, i promise i am not an old geezer

[wide vale]

tbh i thoight you were younger 🙈
idk why i thought it but yes

[brazen pawn]

Tysm ms

[wide vale]

i'm sure you are doing amazing

[brazen pawn]

What's ur age, maybe i am younger

[brazen pawn]

Ty, i hope u also do amazing

[wide vale]

did you read the journal beginning 🧐
(i'm 21... soon 22)

[wide vale]

i try my best🤗

[brazen pawn]

I did, but idk if it holds true for current time or not

[brazen pawn]

All the best 🤞🏼

[wide vale]

still true🤗🤗

[brazen pawn]

Alright, and yes ur right, i am younger 🙈

[wide vale]

awwww🤗🤗
cute

[brazen pawn]

I am 20 years old

[wide vale]

i thought so 🤣

not a big difference

[brazen pawn]

Yup

[wide vale]

thqnk you btw... yoj made me feel better

[brazen pawn]

Wait u deleted that msg, i wanna ask, is your bday near !?

[brazen pawn]

Glad u feeling better now

[wide vale]

👀yes it is..

[wide vale]

thank youuu

[brazen pawn]

Great 👍🏼

[wide vale]

yess🤗🤗
but don't like saying the date here

[brazen pawn]

Its alright

I understand

[wide vale]

thank youu🤗

[brazen pawn]

Np ms

[wide vale]

gonna make something to eat real quick brb🤗

[brazen pawn]

Okie 👌🏼

[wide vale]

ahhh tf

i have a therapist appointment... nobody is opening the fucking door

okayy soo they arrived now😭

it's 30° Celsius 😭

[winged widget]

Lucky you, 38 for me

[wide vale]

ugh💀

[wide vale]

i need advice 🫠

i wanna apologize at a person i haven't had contact with for years...

but she is mental instanble

often in zhe psychatrie and so on

i don't wanna risk her mental health

[vital hollow]

Why you have to apologize?

[wide vale]

we both kinda got very worse depressed at the same time... we suddenly stopped talking to each other 🥺 she didn't reach out to me i didn't reach out to her because i felt bad... i didn't know she was feeling the same and even in a psychatrie 🫠 so i was just mad she didn't reach out.... we didn't talk since then and some months ago i found out aboit all of that 🥺 i feel bad taht i never reached out

and ahe was again in a psychatrie some months ago

she musz have thought the same about me not reaching out...

and also i saw her spme weeks ago she smiled at me.. so idk🥺 mayve she moved on

but i didn't

[vital hollow]

Yeah, if you're going to waste energy thinking about that, just apologize

[wide vale]

i don't want her to feel bad though 🤧

[vital hollow]

She can feel bad for a couple reasons not necessarily related to you, if you feel the necessity of apologizing, just do that

[wide vale]

okay🥺💕
thank you

[wide vale]

i know i tend to oversee questions in a conversation and its probably because of adhd but... i mean i'm sorry 🥺 i work on that i try to Focus on it more but idk how to change it

[brazen pawn]

Its alright ms

Nothing to worry about

[wide vale]

you sure? 🥺 i mean i get that iz annoys but he sents a ton of messages sorry that i sometimes forget to 1 question in between a conversation 🤧

[steady hare]

I love you sweetheart

🫂

Youre amazing ok?

[wide vale]

you are more

[wide vale]

||feel like relapsing||

[steady hare]

Im here

I promise

[steady hare]

You are Important

You are worth it

[wide vale]

you too🥺❤️

[steady hare]

And you are wonderful

[wide vale]

you are making me cry🤧❤️

G also mad me feel pretty bad todsy🥺

[wide vale]

still🥺

[steady hare]

Nooo sweetie

I do mean wverything i say thi

Tho

Its the truth

[wide vale]

thank you🤧❤️

[steady hare]

What did he do🥺

[steady hare]

Aww sweetie🥺 🫂

[wide vale]

🥺

made a huge drams as usual

while he doesnt even tell me anything about his life

[steady hare]

Im gonna go in dms with this

[wide vale]

||feel like relapsing||

||relapsed||

[brazen pawn]

Dude i am 100% sure, u are an amazing person

[brazen pawn]

Nooooo

[wide vale]

you too🤗
tzank you

[brazen pawn]

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

I am sorry i wasn't there for u when u need help the most

[wide vale]

hey its alright 🥺 you always help a lot

you can't always be here for m

[brazen pawn]

I wanna be as available as possible for my friends

[wide vale]

same with you 🤗
you can always text me

[wide vale]

i'm so numb

i just wanna cry

[brazen pawn]

Why, what happened ms 🥺

[wide vale]

nothing 🥺

[brazen pawn]

Are u sure ?

[wide vale]

well if something happened i didn't notice 🥺

i'm lonely

[brazen pawn]

Dw, i am here for u, wanna talk

[wide vale]

i know thank you so much🥺

[wide vale]

i'm sick 🤧

[brazen pawn]

Take care of yourself ms 🫰🏼

[wide vale]

will do thabk you🥺👀

[wide vale]

my mum came over and brought me some food... and a lillet??! 😂
why a lillet

[wide vale]

nice to see that my friends met esch other today in my city without asking me if i have time

[wide vale]

i'm fat, 🙃
i wanna loose weight

[brazen pawn]

I am so sorry u have to go through that 🥺

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

Can u tell me whats a lillet?

[wide vale]

well i'm not fat i feel fat 🙃

[wide vale]

it's alcohol

[brazen pawn]

Feel happy, thats much better than feeling fat

[brazen pawn]

Oh, dont drink too much, alright 👍🏼

[wide vale]

...🤣 thanks for this advice

[brazen pawn]

100% genuine advice

[wide vale]

🙄😭pfff

[brazen pawn]

What 😅

[wide vale]

i will just be happy now...
it doesn't work🤣🤗🤗

[brazen pawn]

Oof 😅

I will come up with a better one

[wide vale]

aww yayy but still thank yoiu🤗🤗🤗

[brazen pawn]

Your welcome 🤗

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

[wide vale]

feel like throwing up🥺

[wide vale]

||just threw up and feel like relapsing 🫠||

[wide vale]

||todsy was such a lonely day again, i just sit down and stare at walls for hours and in such moments i think better to say realize i could just dissappear people wouldn't notice for a long time and even as soon as they notice would they really miss me or would they just notice||

[brazen pawn]

Nooooo

Never think like that

We are here for you

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

U drank too much didn’t you?

[wide vale]

im just tired of fightibg

[wide vale]

no🤣

im sick

[brazen pawn]

Ooh 🥺

[wide vale]

[brazen pawn]

Please take care of yourself ms

[wide vale]

i try 🥺🤗

[brazen pawn]

I am here for you to motivate you

[wide vale]

🫂

[brazen pawn]

U have to, to set an example to your past self that your not a weak person, you are brave and courageous person

[wide vale]

thank you 🥺