Girl and family troubles.

[manic finch]

My galpals family and my family come from very, very different sorts of backgrounds her dad is stay at home and her mom is a manager for a factory, they're quiet and gossipy and have money (enough to go on long vacations)

My family is very traditional in the constantly working sense, I'm an apprentice boilermaker/heavy fabricator (means I work in full leather overalls on top of jeans in hot weather and weld on heavy mining equipment for 13 dollars an hour until I get my trade)

My life is busy and hard and this causes conflicts, my dad was a boilermaker after the army my step dad was in the army, my mom was a bartender after the airforce.

So all these values of hardwork and "manliness" have hence been funnelled into me by expectation. So me trying to get approval from her dad, being respectful all these things are very important to me.

So we've been pretty far apart from a while and I recently came back

She called me for a root (smexy time)

But Idk man I think my libido just nose dived

I've never not wanted to DO it

I've never said no before.

Personally I lost the v card when most other dudes wished they lost it so that experience kind of matured me a bit (it's hard to know what its like to starve if you've never been hungry 😜 jk I've had those long periods of no smash).

But I've come to like the person more than the act which is something I learnt early on, not that I ever refused the act.

[manic finch]

Like we kissed for a bit, and we did do it and I feel like Icky.

Idk man it felt like I forced my self to do something I didn't want too

Took a shower right after and kinda just held her.

Haven't told her yet.

It feels wrong to tell her?

It feels weak

And it's not that she's not attractive she's a pretty girl and I love her.

Its a me thing

Not a her thing

And im super fortunate that she's cool and would get it she wouldn't get offended, because I've opened up to her about other things and she went on a warpath on trying to get it through my dense skull that she isn't a gossipy primma Donna and that in the nicest of ways does not care.

But to me it feels like admitting that to her feels like a bit of a betrayal from me. (Atleast to me)

If she was a smash and dash I wouldn't care id just stop seeing girls for a while, but this has gone pretty far and I like it.

I want to keep it

Everytime has felt special except this time

She enjoyed it but this time i didn't.

I've had more sex than her and I think that plays a part.

Because where she's exploring I'm on new game ++++++

I still love it. But I think too much smexy is like, too much food or drink