I am lost because my online girlfriend(17) and me (19) our relationship of 3 years break apart and I'll tell my last 2 months of the story about what happened
December 14th 2024
At the start of this month, I’ve been struggling to keep myself together. Between November and December, I attempted suicide three or four times. I’ve never been more depressed in my life. Even on my birthday, my parents didn’t say a single word to me—not even a simple “happy birthday.” The only one who did was her, but even then, she didn’t spend time with me. A few days later, instead of celebrating together, we ended up arguing but instead told me she's been despising me... The argument end on bad terms..
The argument had been about voice calls I had been asking her to do for three years, yet she never did. The most she ever sent were short voice videos, barely lasting a few seconds and through the whole 2024 she only send 5 videos... All I wanted was to hear her voice, nothing more. But then, she had the audacity to say she was unhappy in our relationship because it was "boring to just text." On the 11th, she kept bringing up how unhappy she was, and it frustrated me so much that I stopped talking to her for two days. When she asked why, I left her on read. When I finally responded, I told her she had annoyed me so much that I just needed space.
#I am lost (WARNING, VERY LONG)
winged briar
During the first half of December, things only got worse. My parents despised me so much that I started hating myself. I felt like a disappointment, like I wasn’t good enough. I was drowning in depression, completely drained of energy. And on top of all that, she kept telling me the relationship wasn’t working for her.
On December 14th, I finally told her I had too much on my plate—I couldn’t take it anymore, I had no energy left. Instead of understanding, she said she should’ve just ignored me if I was going to “argue” again. That broke me. It shattered my heart. So, I broke up with her. She just said “okay,” and I blocked her.
The next day, she came back, apologizing, saying she realized what she had done. I accepted her apology, but I told her one thing: she could never say she hated our relationship again. I was exhausted. She agreed.
After that, things felt better. We were happy again. On December 24th, our three-year anniversary, I told her I would do everything I could to make her happy. The next day, for the first time ever, she finally called me. Hearing her voice made me so incredibly happy.
But that happiness didn’t last for long…
January 25th 2025
She went to her best friend's birthday party, and at some point, her friend asked if she had a boyfriend. And… she said no. She lied.
Then she cried over that lie—over pretending she didn’t have a boyfriend, when in reality, she did. Me. The boyfriend who lives 5,467 km away. And she cried over it?
To me, that felt so ridiculous. Sure, lying isn’t great, but if you’re going to lie, don’t make a huge deal out of it afterward. But instead of just moving on, this turned into another argument, another problem. She started saying—again—that she wasn’t happy in the relationship. That pushed me over the edge because, honestly, it was childish. She was the one who lied, and now she was making it into a dramatic moment.
But then she snapped at me. She said:
"How the hell would YOU know what love is? You've never even had real love. You don’t have friends. And even if you lied, you wouldn’t care because you're the type of person who would lie to everyone. You’re the most selfish person for thinking this isn’t a big deal."
That crushed me.
In January, I had done everything I could to make her happy again. I stayed up until 5 AM just to call her, just to talk to her. I gave her my time, my effort, my energy. And after all that, she just threw those words at me, like none of it mattered. It hurt so much that the next day, I cried ten times.
Then she blocked me. She said she had been despising me for a while now. And she just blocked me like I meant nothing. So I blocked her back. But seeing her name disappear, seeing just "Instagram User," it hurt too much. So I unblocked her.
The next day, she messaged me again, saying she didn’t despise me. And the cycle continued. She told me something that stuck with me:
"Never let me leave you again."
And then… 15 days later, it happened again.
february 8th 2025
The world shattered as I found out—once again—that she wasn’t happy with me. And yet, she had the audacity to say, "Never let me leave you, no matter what."
That broke something deep inside me. But what makes it even worse? She started falling for a guy who’s a smoker and a player. She hates smokers. She despises playboys for how they mess with women’s hearts. And yet, here she is, drawn to someone who is everything she swore she could never stand.
She told me she hadn’t talked to him and just wanted to be honest with me about it—but that honesty cut me to my core. I can’t do this anymore. She’s not the same person I used to admire. My emotions are all over the place, and my mental health has completely crumbled.
I feel lost, drowning in this endless ocean of pain. It hurts so much, especially because I was healing from what happened on January 26th. I was finally starting to feel okay again. I even told her I was ready to love her just like before. But just as I was beginning to climb out of the darkness, I got kicked right back down—stabbed in the chest and left there, bleeding.
I feel like I can’t do anything right. I’ve been struggling with depression for months, and this… this is where it’s led me. I thought 2025 would be my year. I thought I’d finally catch a break. But she robbed me of that hope.
I confronted her, asked if she was lying—if she’d actually talked to him, or worse, was already with him. She denied it, saying, "He's a smoker."
Oh, really? The same guy you fell for? And now you’re acting like you never would? The hypocrisy is unreal.
And to top it all off, this happened just days before Valentine’s Day. I had made something for her… something from the heart.
But I deleted it....