Ranting

[proud spire]

I don't really know what to say in this. I feel guilt, all I do is pity myself to the point where its pathetic and I don't know how to stop, I don't know how to stop the thoughts and overthinking. I'm trying to get by and be positive but its like one wrong thought sets my mind off, no matter how much I try to reassure myself, I always feel so sad and I feel as if, my whole life is nothing but meant to be a punishment, I'm meant to feel sad all the time and do nothing but cry.

School and my relationship is stressing me out, I've been lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore, its like I can find myself then lose myself so fast and feel so upset for ages, I hate this feeling and its like, no matter how much I get help, reach out, get advice, I just fail and fall back to rock bottom. I hate the person I am now, I hate myself and who I became and my younger self would be so disappointed with me of she saw me now. I don't see the use in my life anymore, whats the use of having good moments just to be sad the next moment and think back on old memories you know you can't get back with someone because you ruined it. Everything and everyone I talk to in life, I ruin and mess up, and I feel so terrible because it's like I can't change, I'm not changing in the ways I want to and it makes me feel so pathetic, I'm almost an adult and yet I still act like a big baby, I'm a pathetic person for a human and a waste of space and time, I'm nothing special honestly

[autumn scarab]

we only live once why you lose your time in thinking of somethings that have a low chance to happens

and what if they happens, if you can do something about it than its good and if you cant than you cant why worry

you need to save yourself bc no one will

you have a chance to have a soul and try experiences

remove the idea that you are punishment bc you are forcing your brain to not grow and to be stuck

you self sabotaging yourself

if you want to be someone better you need to do the things he do and everything come by cost so you need to lose something to get what you want

leave comfort zone

begin step by step by doing progress

join gym

read books

eat healty for energy

and when you were with someone and think you ruined it your a false

every chance we had is either the one or experiences

and for each chance we try to not do the same ones

and someone will love you how you are despite you having problems, he will stay with you until you get better

proof that for now one now one cared about you

love yourself.

[proud spire]

I listened to what you said, but I'm going to continue ranting here then respond. So like, my boyfriend has this female best friend and I feel so jealous over her, it makes my stomach sick whenever he talks about her because its like he enjoys talking to her more than me, and they have a deeper relationship. I hate that they match, they have inside jokes, and maybe I'm just being really jealous but he called her "innocent looking" when she did face reveals with him and I really don't like that, she was even his Valentines, but he asked her as a joke but she took it seriously, I was upset over it but I chose to just understand because he said it was only as friends. I feel so jealous whenever me mentions her because its so random and its like he makes his status about her almost all the time and he had a dream about her, maybe I'm just overreacting, I talked to her before and she was kind and funny but I just feel so jealous over their relationship that it makes my skin crawl

They have more inside jokes together and I just don't feel comfortable when they match, I thought it was a me and him thing but he said it was their "dynamic"

I hate that I feel this jealous