This is modified by chat gpt to fix my grammatical errors but i wrote what i wrote and please take someone ur time to help me!
#2 Particular Issues i need to resolve
cursive rock
I believe I have developed paranoia and trauma. I'm a high school student, but I also attend university to study engineering. At the beginning of high school, everyone was friendly, and it felt like something out of a movie where people got along, and secrets weren’t spread. I thought I could start fresh and build friendships I would remember forever. However, when exam season came, everything changed. People became depressed, arrogant, and jealous of each other.
I managed to get along with everyone, but I noticed how stressful times bring out the "ugly" side of people. As time passed, things seemed to return to normal, but friendships started forming into smaller groups, and I ended up alone. It has been almost two years since I’ve had any real contact with anyone. My classmates talk to each other, but I am ignored. I’m not gloomy or nerdy—I’m just a regular quiet guy who balances sports and other interests. I used to be rational and hyperactive, but I haven't felt like that in a long time.
I’ve been through difficult psychological stages, even moments where I had dark thoughts, but I made it through. No one talks to me, and when I try, people seem wary of me. I think before I speak, and I’ve noticed that being knowledgeable intimidates others. I’ve tried different ways of approaching people, but nothing has worked.I am neutral—I haven’t done anything wrong—but if someone were to ask about me, they wouldn’t know what to say. They’d probably lean toward negativity, even though I’ve never wronged them. I know people have talked badly about me, saying things like, "He's weird; he doesn’t talk to anyone," while they openly vape in class.The real problem is that I feel uneasy whenever people talk about me, laugh as I pass by, or when the class suddenly goes silent when I speak. It makes my skin crawl. If I answer a question in class, everyone stops to listen, waiting for me to make a mistake so they can laugh. The whispering and side conversations freak me out.
I’ve lost my confidence. I’m even forgetting my native language a little because I don’t talk much anymore. Before high school, I used to get into fights, but my country is small, and everyone knows each other. Now, every time someone offends me, I hold back. I overthink, wondering if reacting might make things worse, like them targeting my loved ones or stalking me. So, I let things slide every time.
I can’t talk to anyone. Even if I run into someone from another class on the bus—someone I used to talk to—I avoid eye contact and ignore them. Not out of embarrassment, but because of that same uneasy feeling. I feel like a ghost. I go home alone, eat alone, and sit alone, feeling like I’ve lost touch with my own emotions.
Even when people offend me or try to make me look bad, I still have this instinct to help them if they ever feel down, as if trying to prevent their anger from growing. Maybe it’s my way of proving to myself that I’m a good person. But deep down, I know I can’t speak freely or act freely without fearing judgment.
On the other hand, at university, people are twice my age (30-40), and I have no problem talking to them. Time has shaped them into more mature individuals, making communication easier.
My second problem is about a relationship/friendship situation. I haven't felt love or empathy for two and a half years now.
I used to be joyful and expressive, making lots of friends. But over time, I became more vigilant and observant. My fear of speaking has also made it worse. Most of my old friends drifted away because I changed. Now, I keep everything to myself, because I don’t believe in sharing my problems with people who have their own issues. They’ll forget mine because it’s not a priority for them.
Even though I’ve grown to like being alone, there is one girl I met online years ago. We’ve been in touch off and on, but these past five months, we’ve talked more frequently. The first three months were good, but she’s a major red flag. She expresses her feelings for me, but when I do the same, she ghosts me. We’ve had arguments, and I’ve always forgiven her.
Even now, every time she expresses her feelings, it gives me warmth, but when I do, she runs away—yet she still looks back to see if I’m chasing her. These past three weeks, we got really close after many arguments. I told her that if she keeps making me chase her without expressing her own feelings, she should meet someone else instead of dragging me along with her “I can’t show my feelings yet” excuse. I’ve been there for her through everything, forgave her more than 20 times, and never got mad at her.
After that talk, she started being more expressive, and I saw a new side of her. I fell for her even more. But still, I’m the one making all the effort.
She doesn’t text me for hours, then suddenly messages, acting like everything is fine. I don’t think that’s normal. We got close, so I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. But the thing is, she doesn’t even open up to me. If I ask, "How was your day? Tell me everything," she just replies dryly: "Oh, I did this, went there, got tired, and now I’m here."
Like… seriously?
I don’t know. I can’t keep forgiving her, and I’m tired. I’ve done everything—reassured her, empathized, been patient—but I can’t keep giving when she won’t even put in the effort to have a proper conversation. She texts me, disappears for 30 minutes, and then posts a story while ignoring my message. If we’re in a relationship now, shouldn’t we be bonding more instead of her prioritizing others?
I really need advice. Someone please take the time to help!
grave thunder
how old are you?