So yeah… might as well do it to list the river of thoughts in my head.
I would be lying if I said I did not want people to interact and talk to me. So feel free to drop by.
Trigger warnings: ||suicide|| Has low-moderate NSFW. Read it if you want IG
#Eggo’s journal.📝
scarlet cape
heady flameBOT
Journaling Guideline 2. No low-effort titles.
We want to promote a productive environment, and wish therefore to avoid posts of low effort.
scarlet cape
13/2/2025
So today… well technically yesterday(it. My Dad was angry at me cause I slept and woke up late. I guess I’m thankful my old man cares for me… But he does not know about my clinical diagnosis. The sleeping on time part is kinda tough but oh well. I have a habit of lying and pretending so I guess I will try to rid of it with this. I woke up late, did nothing. Then had breakfast, went to the dentist to get aligners so yippee 🦷. I played video games and mostly did things with myself. Ik, sad and pathetic. My dad thinks I study, but I don’t. I am kinda scared now, it’s my fault anyways so no use victimising myself. Anyways… I went to the gym today as well, happy that at least something in my life is consistent. My amazing physics teacher called to check up on me. Lied to him that I study. I kinda feel shitty for it. I’ll try to do something tomorrow/today morning(it’s 2:30AM). I watched the anime “I want to eat your pancreas”. I am now getting recurring thoughts about a girl who I messed up with. I did love her. So I am listening to music and typing this… anyways, cheers. I’ll try to sleep
Eggo’s journal.📝
scarlet cape
The terrible reality is setting in. I want to cry but can’t at the same time. Maybe I don’t deserve to cry. I am just a lying, fat, perverted nobody. Trying to be a “listener” over here to hide from myself. I just want to sleep and never wake up. It hurts so much, just laying in bed when nobody can hear you. I don’t wanna be like this… I need to study, get marks… work out. But I’m just so damn lonely. I love alone with a father who knows nothing about me. It pains me when I see him try his best for me, hang out with me whatever spare time he has. I wish to become even half a man he is. I just want my existence to just vanish.
scarlet cape
14/2/2025
Ok, I woke up and tried to study but then ended up not doing much. Maybe 30 mins or so. Talked to a person who vented to me. Now I feel like shit. I have not left my room since morning and just want to lay on the bed and distract myself. UGHHH
scarlet cape
So, I did not go to the gym today. Mostly slept
I guess I will go on Sunday then. I will try to sleep rn. Took my meds and sleeping pills so that's W. I feel not so bad rn. Again grateful for my amazing parents and decent position.
scarlet cape
15/2/2025
So I woke up decently early. Roughly 7:30AM. I did not really study but at least it's something yk? I don't really feel all that bad as I am writing this. Probably because I just did a nice workout. Endorphins are real :). So basically today was not allat. I gotta wear my new aligners but they are so uncomfortable. Anyways today was shoulder workout, I did my usual 2km run, then did the workout and feel amazing. I will now hit the shower. I also dialed down on the explicit content today, so that's a W in my book. Slowly but surely I will change myself. Not in a day, not in a week, not in a month. But within a year, I promise myself to be a changed man.