Just wanna talk

[scenic ridge]

Idk can I chat with a real person that has more emotions than AI.

[echo ferry]

Sure—you can talk to me if you want

[scenic ridge]

Now I feel kinda reassured that someone will finally talk to me:)

[echo ferry]

Haha yeah! I know how loneliness feels 😭

[scenic ridge]

I joined here because I was crashing out a while ago and thinking it might help a bit

I tried saying hi in different chat groups

And it took me 3 hours

[echo ferry]

Same here. I was here with an old account, and the people here really helped me a lot

[echo ferry]

Damn that's a long time...

Is everything okay?

[scenic ridge]

I think

[scenic ridge]

How do people get helped? Like it's my first time venting an actual person

[echo ferry]

That's good

[echo ferry]

As for me, I used to ping the Listener role and asked if I could talk to someone

Or if I could DM someone

Then I used to explain everything in DMs cuz I feel kinda shy and awkward to talk about things publicly

[scenic ridge]

Yea

I don't usually vent

Since I likely held my feelings

[echo ferry]

Same here, but it had started consuming me

[scenic ridge]

Cause when people ask about my trauma or problems. They instead get traumatized or like feel bad about what I am going through

[echo ferry]

I feel lighter after sharing what's in my heart. Sometimes, all we need to do is get it off our chest

[scenic ridge]

It stays on me tho

[echo ferry]

Oh no that's not a good reason to hold back your feelings! Ofc they feel bad, empathy is what allows them to try their best to help you, after all

[echo ferry]

I see

Btw, you can talk to me about anything

You don't have to hold it back

[scenic ridge]

Um well

[echo ferry]

Hm?

[scenic ridge]

Freak it

I wanna leave my own house

And live all by myself without someone harassing me everyday

I don't want to die or to live

[echo ferry]

We're on the same page here

[echo ferry]

I feel you. I have a toxic family
A very toxic one

[scenic ridge]

I hate when I vent I instead say everything that I've been through like how I was being shown my own dead dog in front of me and makes me bury it because it's my fault if it's dead. And then felt a sense of disgusting relief that they were actually listening about my trauma and make them sure to listen to every detail because I feel relief but then disgusted me also

[echo ferry]

Wait why does that disgust you

[scenic ridge]

I delusioned myself that I was being picked up from the streets or something

[scenic ridge]

Cause I hate it

[echo ferry]

Omg

[scenic ridge]

I hate feeling relief

I hate the feeling because I knew that it's just an illusion

[echo ferry]

Nah it's not an illusion—it's just a temporary feeling

You can feel relief, and that's okay

[scenic ridge]

But then sometimes. When I feel bad, so bad that it makes me think of wanting to die. Maybe the universe would give something good

And then when I felt something good was happening. I sense that something awful and bad in the end

Forgive me for talking too much

[echo ferry]

Woah 😭

[echo ferry]

Nooooooo it's totally okay!

[scenic ridge]

I don't wanna cry and being questioned why

So umm

Idk anymore

[echo ferry]

Mhm I understand

[echo ferry]

That's relatable

When do you usually feel like this?

When you're alone, or all the time?

[scenic ridge]

All the time ig

It's like my instincts

[echo ferry]

Have you consulted a counselor regarding this?

[latent briar]

Mind if I chip in as well? Have you used AI as a way to guarentee not being judged as well?

[scenic ridge]

Uhh howdya know

[scenic ridge]

No

[latent briar]

Hello Sol. I would want a chat with ya too

[scenic ridge]

I don't trust people enough

And I meant by people
I don't trust anything living in my sight

[latent briar]

I get you. I don't even trust my own mother. But... we all do die alone but we live amongst men and women and other people. Its best to have friends or least someone we trust to talk to

[scenic ridge]

So I like to talk about my feelings in chat

[latent briar]

Yes. And you put these feelings on an AI because unlike people, you at least have an idea of what it will say back?

[scenic ridge]

Yeah

It won't judge me or something

[latent briar]

Yes that's what I tried as well. My own mother betrayed me. AI didn't, but... the thing is it felt just as empty as being alone. Don't you feel that?

[scenic ridge]

It felt repetitive. And it makes me itch.

[latent briar]

Yeah that's the thing - you might as well play a game and talk to NPCs there as well. It used to be video games instead of people but these days we have chatbots. Ever thought about that?

You needed a break from people, I know, but here you are now trying to socialize. I guess you still have insticts to try and talk to other people now? You definetly seem like you're trying to get over trust issues. And step one is reaching out

[scenic ridge]

Oh

But who I would reach out

[latent briar]

Good question. Now you're used to the guarenteed nature of chatbots being posetive - an artifical sense of social stimulation. But the thing is, you really can't. I'm just being being honest with you. But I did heard people are just a part of life: its not easy but we keep living it for a reason just like how you are trying to reach out now

[latent briar]

To put simply: you can reach out to counselors. Or just even attempt to make friends at school or just talk here. Regardless you already are reaching out. You took a gamble to talk to somebody. And you spoke to two people now. So may I ask, do you feel slightly better than AI with the responses ya got?

[scenic ridge]

Uhh mentally blocked on what am I supposed to say and i don't sense that thing makes me feel annoyed anymore

But I guess so

It made me stop thinking of something I was stressed of

[latent briar]

Then you've made progress. You can still use AI as a tool but just know: take a gamble that there's good people out there. IDK if I am good. I guarentee I'm not mentally good. But I try to help people. And I want you to know that I am taking a gamble to wether or not I can help you and now I feel like I did knowing you're progressing from your dependence on AI

[scenic ridge]

Well.. I'm either confused on what to feel right now

[latent briar]

Confused or...?

[scenic ridge]

But also I felt a bit off to feel like this

[scenic ridge]

I dunno man

[latent briar]

I'm sorry about that. I've got autism. Not really a social guy either but I try. And so are you. It's okay. But you feel something different than AI. That amounts to something does it?

[latent briar]

It's okay to not know everything. But I can assure you I am making the effort to try and help you and rest assured I'll do what I can. But the fact you're talking to people now compared to relying on AI should mean something, does it? I think it's good you're trying

[scenic ridge]

Yeah

Welp you did good bro
Thanks for trying to reassure me

[latent briar]

We do the best we can. But can you assure me you'll try your best too?

[scenic ridge]

Yeh I would try to

[latent briar]

I don't care if you can guarentee it. I just want you to tell me you know you already reached out and try. Try to be better

[latent briar]

Thank you

You see that's the difference between people that are willing to speak to you and AI programmed to speak with you: people that want to have a good chat want to do it while AI is programmed to. I'll tell you this: I want you to get socially better. No matter how slow or how long you need, just take as much time as ya can. This isn't a programmed input, it's real concern for you

[scenic ridge]

Your words are enough to make me feel better after the mess I was in earlier bro
You did great enough
I actually feel like doing arts right now after realizing I have to get my things together rather than trying to make myself worse

[latent briar]

Then I am more than happy that I made you do something that you love. Please do so. Whatever it is, just know I'm glad I made a difference for someone.

Heck this goes both ways. I thought I wasen't meant to do good. Many awful people in my life made me thing I was amongst the awful. But helping you, helping others, it made me feel just as good as the good they felt from my help. So thank you for also making me feel better

[scenic ridge]

No problem
Always think positive about yourself and ignore those people who made you feel like that

You don't need someone's approval for you to be good

[latent briar]

I get that. But that's the thing about these interactions: both parties get good out of it and I like it. No matter how big or small. Helping others the best I can is just something I like to do and I'm glad their words can't take that away

[scenic ridge]

Well to be honest with you
I also felt bad
I felt bad because you were trying hard for me to make me feel better
I feel guilty.

[latent briar]

No need to be. Its okay. Human interaction is just like that. Its complex but its okay. I just want you to know I feel good helping you. Whatever arts you want to do, do it. Do what makes you feel better

[scenic ridge]

Well thanks man:)