fresh vessel
I'm running off 3-4 hours of sleep since I am sick, and I'm kinda just writing out how I feel so I apologize in advance if none of this makes sense, I just felt like getting this out somewhere. Maybe this will help me in a way.
im in a really low point in my life, im a sophomore and am failing or reaching the bare minimum to pass my classes. I have a really loving and caring family who want me to excel and do great, but I just can't see myself in that picture. Just recently got a 47/70 on a test and I'm just extremely upset at myself, but my mind just doesn't care, I'm not motivated and I just don't find myself improving. I haven't changed for the first semester and now going into the second one, which started roughly a month ago, Im still in the same situation. I don't study (or I do, just very little BEFORE the day of the test), I procrastinate on my homework and do it late, or the night of it being due, you get the point. I feel like I'm a huge failure for my parents and what they vision me as a person. They always ask how is school going everyday as soon as I walk to through the door and I just lie blatantly to their face and say word for word, everyday "It's fine." ..... Not only do I wanna excel in school but I also want to learn and become better in other things, but I have literally zero motivation to do anything. Just the other day I tried learning some programming and not even 15 minutes in I find myself crawling back to watch TV, sit there and go to bed.
What should I do to get better? This is really a problem for me as it just causes me major conflicts every single day when one half of me is worrying about my grade, but the other? Yeah, just doesn't care at all and just moves on. I want to eliminate that half. I only have this marking period, and the next to end off "strong" and my junior and senior year.
I also have a test to makeup tomorrow, since I missed it because I was sick, and I'm most definitely not prepared for it.