read the TW first if you do have trigger warnings about this, 0v3rd0s3, d3pr3ss10n, su1c1d4l thoughts & s3lf-h4rm
#amthyyst's mental journal
dense thunder
my friends recently asked about my mental health and i just couldn't barely take what i heard.
2 friends of mine know about my depression and mental health, trying to also overdose with medicine, leading to coma then perhaps death. i can barely trust these 2 now after.
'are you sure you have depression? no way a depressed person talks about their depression.' can you not understand my situation well enough? all you do is say 'Mk' to my situation, as an overthinker i will fucking think you geniunely don't care.
'you're too calm to have depression.' i only act calm around you guys MAYBE BECAUSE I'M SUFFERING IN THE INSIDE, SO MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M SO QUIET AND ALWAYS MUTED. CAN YOU JUST FUCKING UNDERSTAND? THAT'S ALL I GENIUNELY WISH FOR.
'show me the pills and i'll believe you.' WDYM? BELIEVE ME? EXCUSE ME? i thought you fucking trusted me that i was geniunely suffering my life out with thinking to overdose medicine. fuck you, i thought i could trust you a lot about my overdosing, but instead, HELL NO.
'i think she's faking it because she doesn't have it with her. watch her coincidentally buy the pills tomorrow.' fucking hell, can you not understand. 'oh sorry, i cant show it rn, it's in a different room and i'll get in trouble. 'oh can you show me if she sends it to you.' YEAH, OF COURSE YOU WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING, HE EVEN SHOWED YOU MY SCARS FROM SELF HARM WITHOUT MY FUCKING CONSENT. AND YOU'RE BEING THE FUCKING PICK ME HERE. 'oh you're muted cause your angry' CAN I FUCKING NOT MUTE MYSELF? WHY TF ARE YOU CONTROLLING MY STATUS.
SHE ALSO JUDGES MY STATUS AND I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH. I SWEAR I ALWAYS DELETE IT AT THIS POINT, I DON'T EVEN WANT A STATUS ANYMORE ON INSTAGRAM. FUCK YOU BITCH.
SHE FUCKING JUST SENT ME 'hello' LIKE 30 MINUTES AFTER SHE SAID 'yeah i don't believe her' AND SHE FUCKING EXPECTS ME TO BE HAPPY.
'why do you swear so much' I DON'T KNOW? I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SWEARING AT THIS AGE BUT IT REPRESENTS MY ANGER AT YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
THE GIRL WILL FUCKING CALL ME EMO AND JUDGE ME IF I CHOOSE PEOPLE WHO LOOK EMO. CAN I NOT LIKE BLACK AND WHITE AS A GIRL? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG, IF THERE IS JUST FUCKING TELL THE PERSON WHO MADE COLOURS AND MAKE A RULE THAT SAYS 'oH gIRls Can'T lIkE dArK cOLOurs Like BluE oR Black, OnlY PinK, pUrpLE, rEd, WhitE.' IF YOU'RE THAT ANGRY GO TELL THEM OKAY? NOT ME.
THEY WILL FUCKING GHOST ME FOR 5 YEARS AND WILL REPLY 100 YEARS, LEAVE ME ON DELIEVERED.
as an overthinker, if they reply with idc, idrc OR JUST EVEN PRESSURE ME I WILL FUCKING THROW A TABLE AT THEM.
i have anger issues with this now, cause of them. so if you are in the server on alt accounts and reading this, fuck you and this is your fault.
thanks for reading <33 (sorry if i changed the topic like 10 times i can't understand what i write sometimes and rush it)
sweet birch