Eternal Journal (open for response)
#Eternal Journal
vital lynx
And now begins, the lengthy healing process 
if anyone has a story they wish to share, please do. My dms are open
vital lynx
Eternal Journal
01/23
This is going to be harder than I thought. There definitely is no time line to healing. And it's not like I want to be constantly thinking about this dumb stuff. It just happens. And man, I feel lonely again. In the way that I did when I was talking to her. I feel isolated. Kinda scared. Now that I'm sober and clear headed, as I can be. The scars are finally starting to open again, so they can fully heal. what I'm feeling right now, is a little anxiety. Kinda dying to have a connection with someone. Feeling deprived.
I know I have to get back out there. I wanna start to work out again. Just no car. Soon I'll have my car back though. and there will be nothing stopping me. I can push hard at a goal that will not only boost my confidence but heal me.
Stories deleted so I don't trigger any flashbacks.
vital lynx
Bleeding. I can feel it
vital lynx
Haven't eaten really. Not interested. I know that won't help me much though. On the good side I'm not really interested in nicotine either. I just want to live. And move on from this shit. Get addicted to the gym
vital lynx
I'm tired as hell again. I know what that means
vital lynx
I had a nice long talk with my pops. He provided some insight into the situation. Definitely helped talking. I gotta work tonight
vital lynx
Off to work I go 🥱
vital lynx
Good news is I'm too tired and my brain doesn't have the energy to heal. I'll be able to catch a break
vital lynx
Right on, so, I blocked her. Once again. I was stuck between blocking and unblocking, but, she's gotta stay gone for good. I can't have that trauma bond thought "maybe we will see each other again" no. Look at the damage she has done. She doesn't deserve it. I deserve better. And I will buy myself a physical journal, to call my own. I deserve freedom. To break my chains. Yes. I remember now. Scar. Breaker of chains. The wolf.
vital lynx
gonna go home and nap
vital lynx
After my nap I feel better. After the block. Yk? I have to shift my thought process. not to wonder if she's thinking about me. To, who cares. She doesn't deserve it. I realize now, not talking to her is damaging her narcissistic personality.
Where I got my profile picture from. It hits. I made a huge playlist for this specific girl. It was supposed to capture my feelings.
But, I locked it away. As it can only dig up more. That's what I realized I was doing. I was opening my scars on my own accord... Without noticing
vital lynx
I forgot how much I gifted her as well. I know for a fact that when she picks up those items. Maybe the glass cups I got her. She will think of me. If she still has them. What a fool I was. A damned fool.
vital lynx
Headed to this thing called a job 
I also realized what I was going through is like a hole. You keep digging. You are stuck more. So I began to claw my way out. The first thing was doing what I needed. Now I just distract myself. Time started flowing normally for me. Days are going by quickly.
I truly am disappointed in myself though. I got myself in that situation all honesty. I should have known she was bad news from my past. But apparently I didn't learn. So. We live and learn. I just feel bad for the girl I get with and have kids. I'll still be a little bruised by then. I'll always be an overthinker. Now when I think of that demon I get irritated. It's like screw you. Just like the first time. I told her "I had no choice but to hate you." And this time is no different. I choose to.
"Quod mihi, tibi."
(What is done to me, unto you)