Ive been talking to a girl for a while now, we recently got together and i really loved it. But recently it feels like my mental healths just been declining more than it ever has, so im thinking it has something to do with her. She was amazing to me before we got together and at the start of the relationship, its only been a short while but it was one of the best times of my life. One thing about me is i get extremely jealous for some reason. Whenever i feel like i dont live up to her standards for a boyfriend i find out shes texting her boy bestfriend or vcing with other people, this only furthers my feelings of jealousy and makes me feel like im not good enough. This feeling of being useless has infected me in every other part of my life now, everything people say, i take it negatively. Whenever i do something and im not doing good, those feelings grow stronger. it got so bad that a couple of days ago i was very close to attempting. I talked to my girlfriend about this and things got better, only for about a week. Now im right back where i was with my mental health and feelings. If anyone has had a similar experience or anything and can give me some advice/reassurance i would be eternaly grateful:)
#I feel completely useless
timber olive
craggy pewter
would be useful if you actually discussed a mutual plan
it cant get really fixed just by a talk but by frequent checking and also work on yourself obviously
discussing mutual boundaries and how she feels about your behavior is a good start so u can actually start to know her reality and how she views you
i got anxiously attached to many girls and had the same mentality for a long time, as time past i saw that more often then not ur just bullshiting yourself
you get to a point where u actually have to listen and memorize how your partner views you within a relationship and start to catch yourself when your negative bias starts to trail off the reality of the other person
its also good to know the actual downsides the partner sees in you instead of assuming them and trying to search for "patters" and what not
after it improving the areas that actually matter
having a stable structure for the relationship is a good stabilizer, have a scheduled talk about how u both feel in your position every other day
scheduled time where u spend quality time with each other, planned mini dates etc
both of that can give u something to look forward to, improve your relationship and give her and u the validation of the relationship being on good terms
overall its usually more broad and doesnt have to be realted to the relationship itself, its good to check what your externall life stands on - do u have a circle of friends u can talk to reguraly? hobbies u can engage in? decent routine that can support you - sleeping, eating etc? all of it relates to your emotional regulation and your perception
worst case scenrio in this context, in what i observed in myself and in others, is when u base your value and your source of happynes mostly on the relaitonship itself, after that its very very easy to lose it emotionally after any sign of a negativity, because u have a singular structure your life is based on, if that falls pretty much everything u percieve value in falls, your brain knows that which is why it can get so very hypervigialant
meditation helped me long term, its boring and requires discipline to get into, but it has good data supporting it and shows results even after few weeks
in my experience its not really about "relaxing" at all, its mostly about building your automatic level of awareness and your ability to control your selective attention, what that means in practice is that u can notice your negative biases way more easily, in doing so recognize your biased views and dissolve them when they arise, its not easy at all but it has worked for many people
aside that i would def reccomend jounrnaling, very good for making sense of your emotion, some general analysis after so u know where the actual problems are, and for the emotional expression itself too, it can help to just pour it out
theres also parental and previous relationship history that can influence how your mind operates in the context of romance but i alredy gave u a horde of info to dissect so ill just let u think about what i wrote
as the last thing i would mention, dont hesitate to get a therapist/relationship counseling, its really sad and honestly useless to killyourself over a relationship when ur this young, please dont take it in a bad way, ive been in such situationships too but your life is so much more, dont let your negativity and harder transitions in life take it away from you