Almost jumped off a bridge earlier.

[bold obsidian]

Today has been hard. It's been a hard day on top of a hard week on top of a hard month on top of a hard year. I've come to realize nobody really cares about me the way I do them. I'm too much and I'm never enough.It's always been that way, and I've been thinking of ending it. There's a bridge only about a block away from where I live. It's definitely high enough to kill me. I stood there for a few minutes, and I think the only reason I didn't was because of my cat back home.

Still thinking about it. I don't think anyone gains anything from me being alive. I've got a shitty, dead end job and live in a shitty apartment. My partner, I think, has finally had enough of me and has barely spoken to me today. All I can think about is how everyone would benefit if I was dead. I don't know how much longer I can hold on, especially now. I've got nothing ahead of me. I don't even know why I'm talking here. I'm just one drop in a massive pond of people that need help.

[jovial flower]

When you're broken, you're broken. Depression doesn't care if you have it better than others, you're not insignificant in this pond, every drop matters.

I am a young adult, unemployed so, I can't give you much advice. Though, what I can tell you is that, please, stay strong, for just a little while more. It's easier said than done, obviously, just me saying "stay strong" won't change anything. But I take it that since you're talking here, deep down you've still got hope for yourself, you're holding onto life. You matter, not because others said so, but because you still wake up everyday and try to make the best out of it. You matter most to yourself, and I am sure to others as well.

Just for another day, try to go through it differently, or try new things you've never did before. Take a walk, take up a hobby, there's many to life than there is just living.

I am sorry if this is nothing to what you want to hear or read. Nevertheless, it's always a good idea to seek professional help. I am just a guy online trying to help is all. Much love