Here we are in yet another mental health server. Even here, all I'm seeing are children. I feel so old every time. But that's not the point of being here. I just need somewhere to exist.
I spoke to my therapist today, and we didn't really talk about anything much. Just the two new alters and grounding techniques, but for whatever reason, I felt more depressed after the session. Then it didn't help that we talked about loneliness and being alone in IOP. A bunch of people had negative comments about being alone, which only made things worse for me because I already struggle with loneliness, not being able to fit in, and having no one to call home.
I feel like a loser.
#Dark Hour—Makoto's Vent Space/Journal
magic prawn
My internet keeps breaking. It's really stressing me out. I'm trying to just exist and enjoy my time away from work but I can't even do that properly.
I need a life.
Just casually got rid of that.
I don't want to say too much...
magic prawn
I need to invest in an mp3 player so I can listen to my music 24/7 without wifi. My wifi has been off. I've been living off a cheap hotspot in the middle of nowhere and the connection is almost nonexistent.
There are cheap ones that'll get the job done well enough. I just never thought to get one until now. I don't go on my walks without music, so I haven't been getting in any exercise.
I hide beneath a mask, but maybe one day, someone will know me...
I didn't realize it's almost 11pm.
I'm sleepy, but I don't want to go to sleep. I'm not sure why.
I can't remember the last time I was complimented...
Nice words in general are hard to find...
So sleepy...
I wish I could do more to keep people safe...
Now I feel really depressed and somewhat scared...
The pain is eating me up...
I should go to bed, but I still don't want to...
The pain of being alive is flooding back to me...
I need to sleep... Why am I fighting it?...
I'm going to bed.