rustic ibex
What should I do?
I've fallen inlove with someone when I clearly know that he is confused and not particular about a relationship so let alone being in a relationship. I've confessed my feelings when I was about to leave him for his good because I can't imagine a single thought of hurting him with my romantic love, he cried for me not to leave him no matter what our status is.
I've been receiving his tiktok reposts about aromantic and not interested in relationship and I'm clearly in a sea of spirals, we are more than just friends but less than lovers as he had accepted me 2 months ago which I'm assuming we are (and/or always will be) in 'situationship' as a status.
In few months from now, assumingly June-July 2025, I'm getting myself ready to leave socials including Discord behind for months until Jan 2026 the latest and Dec 2025 the earliest. I always thought of that time, that day, where we will shed tears but not because of my selfishness at that hot minute.
I want this feeling to disappear so we can be normal buddies, friends again, not feeling obligated to state whether it's romantic or platonic, although at the same time he didn't mind at all when he found out. He accepted me the way I am, understood me this and that despite not understanding when it came to other people than me at first.
I felt so lost that I wanted him to guide me telling me it is okay to feel this way but I felt so lost that I wanted him to take my love for him out of my core and squeeze it until every ooze of it dried in the palm of his hand like a dried, withered flower in a winter season. As if to love someone is to make yourself die in their arms to reassure yourself.
So so lost, I should be happy for today and tomorrow for our new year but what I'm doing is just crying over this.
hearty quest