My girlfriend and I call every night. It's been that way for about several months now. We would talk earlier in the day, but she is never able to. So, it's always us talking, and then, at some point later in the day(8-10pm) she calls me. She called me today, and I tried to talk to her. She said that she did mean to call me, but she wanted me to ask first. She said that she always has to start the calls. I understand where she's coming from, but at the same time, it's just sort of how it's been going because that's just how it'd work. I don't know when she's able to, so I just wait until she does, because I'd figure she would when she can, because we love talking. How am I supposed to go about this?
#Just a lil confusion.
grand prism
It's not that this is very urgent either, I just feel guilty for these sorts of things, and I really can't tell if I'm in the wrong. I want to get that feeling off my shoulders.
She's getting dry now
bronze patrol
u and ur girlfriend should have a conversation about how you both feel about the calls, try to understand when she's available, and come up with a plan where both of you can take turns initiating, ensuring both your needs for communication are met. she probably just feels like what she is doing should be reciprocated which is understandable, she just doesnt know where ur coming from.
if she's becoming dry in her communication, it might be a sign that she's feeling either neglected, frustrated, or that there's a lack of excitement or effort in the relationship. address this gently, by having a calm, honest conversation where you ask if something's bothering her and express how you feel too. let her know you’ve noticed a change and want to understand what might be going on, while also sharing your own perspective on how you both can work together to fix the connection.
grand prism
I tried to tell her that it's what I look forward to most in the day, and that I'd start asking more, and starting the calls more.
She said she thinks I'd talk about calling more if I really looked forward to it, and she said she was being paranoid.
I told her she could come to me if she ever really felt like I was annoyed or didn't want to call. I told her how many nights have I ever told you I don't want to call? And then she said yeah, because once or twice I've been upset and said I didn't want to. I tried discussing it out further and I think she just gave up? I brought up that we spent many many many more nights on the phone than off, and she just said she was being paranoid and got dry again
bronze patrol
so sorry for this late reply,
it looks like she’s feeling insecure or anxious about the calls, and even though you’re trying to reassure her, it might be unintentionally coming across as defensive. she might need a little more empathy and reassurance that her feelings are valid, without feeling like she has to explain herself too much. instead of diving into details, try acknowledging her feelings ("i get that you're worried, and i care about how you feel") and letting her know you're there for her. give her space to process and don’t push too hard for a resolution. over time, with patience and understanding, the communication will likely improve
grand prism
Thank you