I don't know if I want to live anymore, I can't get over this trauma

[novel drum]

I make a terrible mistake
I lie to my friends, aka my roommates, to meet up secretly with a guy I have just met for a few days online. Even though I have lived with them for a couple of months, I couldn't bring myself to trust them about my own businesses. I met up with that guy in a sleep box, and it was my idea. I know it wasn't a smart move, but I still went for it. As a result, I almost got rad, and luckily for me, I didn't end up being humiliated on the internet or anything. But my friends when they found out about the truth, they were furious, because I lied to them and made them worried. They couldn't forgive me for not trusting them and also told them lies. Now I am having the trauma of the memory of almost being rd almost every day, I try to forget but my friends never stop talking about it, making me keep getting worse and worse, I think of myself as a whe or a b*ch and always want to end this unholy body life.

[tepid flame]

You could always talk about it to a therapist. And you could try to ask your friends to stop talking about the topic. Example: "Hey, could you please don't bring that up? It's making me feel anxious/stressed and it is overwhelming. I would appreciate it if you stopped."
I hope this helps and that you get better soon, just know that it's not your fault for falling so hard. It'll get better eventually, I promise.

[gusty lake]

Check dms

[novel drum]

They won't talk or even look at me, they only talk about it when I am around, so I don't think it will work.
But thank you for your advice and support, it's glad to have someone understand

[tepid flame]

Please don't think that way.
Give it a try. Although you might think it just won't work, maybe they'll understand.
No problem. I'm just trying to make things easier for you.

[novel drum]

Better said than done
2 of the girls whose room are right next to me have already turned to sleep in another room. They make up their mind about not wanting to forgive me and are disgusted by me. They even said it when I am near to make sure I heard it

[tepid flame]

I understand that you think it's hard. It is. But please give it a shot, it's worth it.

[novel drum]

I am so grateful that you supported me, but maybe I should move out for the better of everyone.

[tepid flame]

Please talk about it to a specialist. That might actually be becoming a big issue.

[novel drum]

I wish I could, but I can't because of financial problems and people will definitely take behind my back for it

[tepid flame]

You might have financial problems. But you could always contact someone online. Or simply go to anonymous therapy groups.