TL;DR: stomach problems making me feeling vomiting after eating/ if I don’t eat and it gives me anxiety.
#Current relationship with food
lime rampart
Context: I have a fear of vomiting to the point I’d do anything not to vomit. Oh, and I’m 16 if that helps.
oh yeah if I touched on topics I’m not allowed to please let me know before deleting the post
Months ago I was going somewhere, before that me and my parents went to a restaurant and I drank some hot milk tea as my small breakfast. OTW to our final destination, I felt like vomiting. Didn’t end up happening, and I just looked past it. But that’s where it started basically. For the next months, whatever I ate, there was a slight discomfort probably between my stomach and my oesophagus but I’m not sure. But then it just worsened. Weeks ago it’s gotten to the point I couldn’t stand after eating, sitting upright too, all I could do is slightly raise my laying position. Went to the doctors, got a bag of medicine. Ate them, felt better but then a week later it happened again. I pushed on, not telling my parents until it worsened to the point I’m getting anxiety attacks from it. Again. To the doctors I go, another bag of medicine, this time nothing really changed.
It’s at this point when the fear settled in. Everytime I have a meal, while eating there’s a thought at the back of my head where like “will I vomit after this?”, “if I eat this what kind of discomfort it’ll give me?”. If I feel even a slight bit of discomfort while eating, I’ll stop entirely, claim that I’m full and just stop I guess. Sometimes the discomfort is so bad I can’t sleep at night. When I drift off to sleep, my heart races and it wakes me up because it makes the nausea worse. It just goes on and on till like 2 in the morning before I’m able to drift into sleep normally
I recognise that this shit might become an eating disorder, I don’t want that but I can’t help it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. If I eat I’ll feel nauseous. If I don’t eat I’ll also feel nauseous. It feels like whatever I do isn’t right. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt hungry normally. I can’t remember the last time I could eat without feeling full normally. I can’t remember the last time I ate a full, normal meal happily.