confessing to a crush

[tranquil cairn]

hey there is a girl a i met 2 years ago and i loved her since the first eye contact, we talked in social media everything was fine she seemed interested and she did lot of signs that she loved me back ( like changing insta theme to love or sending me couple reels ) but something i didnt like is that she takes days to askwer me so i did the same , anyways when we hang out the first time it was perfect she hold my end in the end but nothing more. after that the ghosting was still here so we didnt talk a lot. We hang out 2 times after the first one and the vibe was still there the last time was this summer. We talked after that more than before but when i asked her to hang out another time she ghosted me and answered me after 5 days that she was busy but when i asked her she posted a story out so she was clearly lying, so i ghosted her since and i didnt responded 2 months now just as a revenge but i cant forget her when i talk to another girl i just remember her. I didnt had the opportunity to tell her that i love her since im scared of rejection and i rather be friends than becoming akward if she rejects me, plus if she says yes im scared to be in relationship bc i never been and i dont know how to act

What should i do ? Start a new conversation or not talk to her since if she wanted to talk to me she wouldve not ghosted me

[sterile dock]

I would say don't talk to her again, i know you want to but its very likely she doesn't care for you
No one who truly cares for you will ghost you, they would want to spend every moment with you , ghosting will be the last thing on their mind, she very likely doesn't like you
It's the cold hard truth but you will just hurt yourself if you cling into the hope that she likes you
There is only one sign of liking and that is you can't stay away from that person and if she liked you, she would have never ghosted

[tranquil cairn]

maybe she lost interest bc i didnt confess to her so she doesn’t waste time

[sterile dock]

I don't think so
If she lost interest then there were no feelings

I cannot stress this enough
Don't make an illusion that she likes you unless she tells you

[tranquil cairn]

so should i talk to in the future but just as a friend or forget her

[sterile dock]

I would say forget her

You can never truly move on

If you still remain friends

[tranquil cairn]

do you have any tips how to get into a relationship or meet new girls as a shy person

[tranquil cairn]

with all girls i had a conversation i never had something more than friendship ( they see me as their brother )

[sterile dock]

Um sorry bro😅😅

I have never had a gf

[faint ember]

mm

[sterile dock]

I just had crushes on girls

[faint ember]

you have to grow a little confident

sometimes fake it till you make it type

[tranquil cairn]

i am confident

[faint ember]

also im really sorry about what your going through, having crushes is hard ESPECIALLY when they do reciprocate for a little

[tranquil cairn]

im not ugly but it dont work maybe bc i talk to much or something

[faint ember]

just depends on the person

just be yourself

sometimes you have to fake things but alot of the times you have to be yourself

makes the relationship less effort

if you catch my drift

[sterile dock]

I don't think it's the problem with you
Relationship is very complicated
Be patient i would say

[tranquil cairn]

for you when do you confess to them?

[faint ember]

its really difficult to gadge sometimes

i confessed when i saw they were really digging at me and reciprocating

but i was kind of forced because there was another person in the picture kinda and i just wanted to push it out the way

[sterile dock]

From all the relationships i have seen , i don't even want one
It appears more hurtful to me to be honest

[faint ember]

i mean it just depends on the person man

but i really hope you have the chance of getting into one

its a very beautiful thing

[sterile dock]

Also @faint ember i have read many of your advices in different posts
You give really good advice 😇😇

[tranquil cairn]

but how do you find them i dont usually go out and i cant ask girls in my school bc i fear rejection and i dont want to see them everyday after they rejected me

[faint ember]

but beautiful things cause us pain when they end and we can only learn and grow with that consequence

[faint ember]

thank you, i try my best

[tranquil cairn]

ikr

[faint ember]

i found mine through school

sometimes school is the best

but other times you just have to hold conversation with people you see everyday

girl at some coffee shop

[sterile dock]

I also think that having relationship in school and college is tough cause by the gods it is hurtful to see her again after rejection

[faint ember]

compliments go a long way

[faint ember]

this, if you go to the same school its super painful

if you breakup

god forbid

[tranquil cairn]

yes thats the things that dont let me confess to girls

[faint ember]

mm

if your comfortable then meet someone at the end

[sterile dock]

Yeah
I mean i had a crush and she is in the same class as me and just it is so painful after rejection

[faint ember]

maybe your last year of high school

[tranquil cairn]

i just started college lol

[faint ember]

yeah man, it really pains you

[faint ember]

perfect, find someone in a completely different major

most times your not going to see each other in the same classes anyways

[sterile dock]

You can always take time
And have relationships in college etc

[faint ember]

maybe just walking around campus

but

its hard to say just

[tranquil cairn]

i cant just go and talk to a strange girl

[faint ember]

pick a different major to date yknow lol

because you interact mostly with people in your major

[sterile dock]

Dude how do you just do that

[faint ember]

i get that

[tranquil cairn]

mostly i finish my class i go home fast

[faint ember]

nah i mean youll maybe see each other walking on campus

not talk to them as they are randomly walking lol

[faint ember]

mm

find clubs to join

just find a way to talk to more people

[sterile dock]

Yeah that could help

[faint ember]

college is such a big pool

[tranquil cairn]

i hate school so joining a club is more time in school

[faint ember]

thats fair

what do you enjoy doing?\

if you dont mind me asking

[tranquil cairn]

watching movies 🙄

[faint ember]

maybe a film club

or movie club

[tranquil cairn]

there isnt

[faint ember]

mm

ok, what else?

[tranquil cairn]

video games

[faint ember]

given

lol

[tranquil cairn]

scrolling all day

thats all lol

[faint ember]

doomscrolling

lol

[tranquil cairn]

[faint ember]

maybe find new hobbies first

take up a relaxing sport

i play tennis

[tranquil cairn]

im an lazy ass and how that will let me be in a relationship

[tranquil cairn]

i do too but usually

[faint ember]

hey man, your not lazy

your trying considering your seeking help

dont say those words

[tranquil cairn]

i am i see people making money at this age or living life and im just laying in bed all day

[faint ember]

and itll help because again, its about finding new people to talk to

[faint ember]

im a 2nd year college student and i dont have a job

im considered lazy

lol

[tranquil cairn]

no they doing trading- ecommerce ..

[faint ember]

mm

dont worry about them

focus on you right now

as long as your taking care of yourself thats levels beyond what other people in your scenario are doing

if you want to compare apples and oranges

so your taking steps

but how are you going to walk forward when you cant open the doors that are infront of you

thats why im suggesting clubs

and sports

do something to find avenues to talk to new people

ik your shy

but your skill does the talking

yknow

[tranquil cairn]

i was about to join a gym but my parents didnt accept

[faint ember]

im sure the school has thier own gym

most colleges have thier own gym, you dont have to get your parents to say yes if your 18

if

[tranquil cairn]

my college is close to my home so when i finish i go back

[faint ember]

mm

same here but your paying tuition and in that tuition you pay a gym fee

[tranquil cairn]

when you are in a relationship how do talk to them and how do you do?

[faint ember]

so use the resource to your advantage

[faint ember]

well as a college student

its very hard to find time

[tranquil cairn]

ive never been in a relationship so idk how to act if i was in one

[faint ember]

but when you do you talk to them in a caring way

i mean i broke up not too long ago

lol

[tranquil cairn]

[faint ember]

again dw, it will come naturally

you will know what to day

[tranquil cairn]

yeah i have to worry about to get into one first lol

[faint ember]

i cant really coach you on whats exactly is going to happen since all relationships are difficult

[faint ember]

you dont even worry about that right now

you worry about you right now

id like to say the enegry we radiate is the same energy we will recieve back

[tranquil cairn]

so what you suggesting

[faint ember]

if your not an artifically happy person, your going to get happiness back

be positive and work on yourself thats what im suggesting

and dont worry about getting into a relationship right now

[tranquil cairn]

work on myself how

[faint ember]

id say find new hobbies and get into shape

and find more people to talk to

[tranquil cairn]

i have to get away from my laziness first

that my primary problem

[faint ember]

im lazy as fu

but i got into one

its possible

ima keep it tall

im 5'11 260

if i can do it you can

trust me

youve got this

[tranquil cairn]

no im talking about getting into relationships im talking about getting hobbies

when i get interested about something i finish by not doing it

[faint ember]

well is it something your willing to fix

or you dont know how to

or

[tranquil cairn]

yeah idk how i want to

[faint ember]

huh

what steps have you taken?

to fix this problem of yours

[tranquil cairn]

i started reading books but i got bored

my parents dont want me to go to gym bc i was on it they payed a year and i just went 1 month and drop out

[faint ember]

fair

[faint ember]

again, you can use the college gym

its free

well

you pay via tuition but its free without an extra cost

the thin about the gym sometimes is just having rest days

[tranquil cairn]

noo just forget that i cant be with my classmates

[faint ember]

ok, sure

have you tried community service

?

helping others out

[tranquil cairn]

noo

[faint ember]

mkay

what would make you most comfortable then?

[tranquil cairn]

having friends

[faint ember]

because i want to try to approach this in a healthy way for you

mkay

[tranquil cairn]

i dont have luck with friends

[faint ember]

have you gymed with your homies?

[tranquil cairn]

i dont have friends anymore they went to different countries

[faint ember]

dang

tough nut to crack

[tranquil cairn]

and i did a new friend in college but i just found out he is just a liar and a toxic ass

[faint ember]

mkay

well

this is kinda rough

what are you willing to do to make new friends and see more people

or are you just

[tranquil cairn]

its difficult for me to have friends i just had childhood friends and now when they were gone i just stayed alone a long time

with this new friend i finally thought i made it but he doesnt want to hang out with me

[faint ember]

i wish we were kind of local so i could be your physical friend

but

were not

[tranquil cairn]

😦

[faint ember]

all i can really do is check up on you

and see how your doing