Like the title says.. There was alot going on.. From my pov everything was alright.. But those who know her side of the story tell me otherwise. It affects me alot and I eat really bad last few days starting to worry everyone
#I lost my best friend and I don't know why and how to deal with it.
midnight sand
languid blade
Firstly try putting that bad food away from you for a few days untill you dont come with the terms of whats happening. Second take some time and ask the friend about the information from other people. If they make excusses and try to back out they probably werent a good person to begin with.
So please take care of yourself and dont think too much about outside peoples opinions
midnight sand
It's not bad food it's no food at all.. I always want to do the right thing and care for others, specially her. I only want the best, be respectful and not push anyone to anything
I helped her lots with her issues..lately it got lots worse with many suicidal thoughts and returning self harm
languid blade
Please do you have somone to talk to other than discord
Somoen that knows you better
Listen please suicide is never AND I MEAN never an option
It might come as a thought but please its really not worth that
midnight sand
Everyone who knows my side of the story agrees with me.. Those who know hers disagree
She has suicidal thoughts not me
I always helped her dealing with them
languid blade
Did you come to an agreenment about ending the friendship
midnight sand
No
languid blade
I see but was it somones fault it ended or?
midnight sand
I probably invaded her space because of my own anxiety and fears and then she broke contact
I found out she texted her ex who is a very manipulative and bad person who sends deaththreats to me and many other of my friends
She also has a bad history with him
Meanwhile now being the worst time I her life mentally speaking... Got me very concerned
languid blade
I know this is hard for both of you but please try talking to her again somehow
midnight sand
We talked about it.. Everything was alright.. Just 30 minutes later everything went downhill all of a sudden
She clearly doesn't want me round currently because she blocked and removed me everywhere
That was 3 days ago now
People that know her side tell me that I am a stalker or possessive
Even tho I only want the best for her at all times..
We never had a fight.. We never had big disagreements or something negative
She was upset when she got me upset and that dragged her down sometimes
I always tryed to reassure her that everything is alright.. That I never have bad feelings about her doing anything, be it right or wrong
languid blade
I see
try talking to her again like adults explaining the situation to her as it is
If she doesnt want you help than theres nothing more you can do
midnight sand
I don't want to be a burden to her
midnight sand
She removing me everywhere is a clear message
And I think I should give it time at first
languid blade
Yes thats a good thing but how much time do you have?
midnight sand
But it hurts and worries me seeing a overly manipulative person spending most time with her atm
Specially since she is a such a state
She had her first therapy session yesterday and might get meds too
midnight sand
Yes thats a good thing but how much time do you have?
For what?
languid blade
Before she does something dumb
languid blade
Thats fine
midnight sand
While she is in a bad state
She might feel even more pressured
There obviously is a reason for removing me
And I do want only her best
languid blade
But please dont think its your fault for anything
There are simply people that dont want help
And thats also fine
midnight sand
It's just so hard being the one getting removed while I was the one caring the most
More or less getting replaced by one that mostly seeks harm
languid blade
But please before making any desicions take time
midnight sand
My view of everything just does not fit with what is happening and I don't know if I am delusional or who is right or wrong
I will take my time
languid blade
You are probably in the right
midnight sand
She too gets her time
midnight sand
It's hard.. I can't stop thinking about the entire situation. I feel like throwing up the entire time not able to eat anything
It's now 5 days of eating nearly nothing.. I am already very skinny and my parents and sister are getting very worried
I know I have to eat... I know I have to force myself to it. But it's hard
midnight sand
I always take food with me wherever I go, hoping that I get strong enough to take a bite
languid blade
Start with 1 bite
Its fine
Im strugling with eating my self
But after just taking that 1 bite
It kinda got easier
midnight sand
For me it's like phase whise
Usually when I am distracted I try to eat something because that feeling of throwing up goes away
Everything is just so hard
languid blade
Dont worry too much about things that you cant control
Just please take care of yourself
And please dont take opinions of outsiders
midnight sand
It's bit hard to resist at some times.. I could find a way to reach out.. But I fear of making everything just worse
We share the same friends so I can also just ask them
But again the fear of just doing the worst thing possible
I often act because of anxiety and fear... And always.. The things I fear are the exact things that happen
languid blade
Anything you do cant be worse from the things you want to prevent from happening
midnight sand
She noticed me acting out.. I told her I was anxious about things I saw but didn't want drama or anything bad happening. Her response was that we both have to trust each other and talk about everything. If drama or anything happens we can talk it out
I told her absolutely everything
We where both kinda relieved I guess? Nothing bad
Just 30 min later out of nowhere everything got bad and I got removed
languid blade
Again cool your head if you think its worth talking to her and trying to make things right follow your instict
Andm before that please eat
languid blade
Also go for a walk clear your mind
midnight sand
I did
languid blade
Just try to heal
midnight sand
I walk my dog with my mum every day now
languid blade
Do you do some kind of sport
midnight sand
Not really
formal summit
Hmm sorry to hear how this is affecting you.
Not sure this is what you want to hear right now, but in this situation it might be time to ask yourself what course of actions you want to proceed with.
Is hard to think when we feel out of balance and especially when we are in a bad place.
But one advise i can give because ive been in a similar situation is to first do grounding techniques untill I find that I can think beyond my emotions it's hard but is possible if the desire is there.
And after that it's good to explore the thoughts, and write them down and work with them, its a very long and tedious process but it might feel better after a long time.
Let me know if you want some more advise from me didnt mean to interupt you two
languid blade
Dont worry clear your mind EAT and if anything else comes up and you feel like you have to vent ping me im always free👍
midnight sand
Hmm sorry to hear how this is affecting you.
Not sure this is what you want to...
I have to many thoughts.. So many possible actions I could do but I don't want to do anything in fear of doing the worst one.. And knowing myself lately that is exactly what would happen
midnight sand
Dont worry clear your mind EAT and if anything else comes up and you feel like y...
Thanks alot really
Trying my best as always
formal summit
Do you want some advise from me? If you feel like it was out of alignment what I said I don't want to make it worse for you
formal summit
So what is it you're looking for?
midnight sand
It's weird because usually I am the one giving comfort to others
Just the entire situation I guess
Not sure how much you read
formal summit
Ive read it all, but im curious what is your end goal, is it to feel better or to understand the situation with her?
midnight sand
It might be egoistic but I do want to get her back someday
She still means lots to me
But I don't know if I am doing her good
When the day comes where everything goes south for her.. I want to be there for her again
formal summit
It sounds like all your focus is on getting her back, which makes me wonder if you might be struggling with boundaries or self-esteem. Could there also be some signs of anxious attachment mixed in? These are really tough things to deal with, and I can understand how overwhelming it must feel.
You seem to view her through an incredible lens, seeing her as extraordinary and devoting everything to her, even though she made a firm decision to step away.
That decision hurt you.
It left you feeling wounded.
And it created a storm of emotions within you.
And the worst part sometimes thats a part of life and it will hurt a lot, but essentially if there is no desire to focus inwards, learn from this and grow it will be harder to find purpose :/
I’m curious, have you reflected on this?
midnight sand
She has friends that do care for her. She always says she does not want to be a burden but always feels like it.. She feels lifeless only dragging her body around. I always try to ensure her that she is a good and smart person. She has many that care. Her friends do, her family too.
I don't want to get between anything or anyone and always respect her desicions
We did had a talk about my possessiveness with another friend once.. That time I was upset at her because we wanted to do something but she fell asleep
We talked It out and I worked on myself and did improve
The only similar things that still happened where when I was asking for hanging out, gaming or chatting
But I was never upset. It was just "aww alright" if it was a no
I think it's normal wanting to spend time with people you really like
But I always respected her desicions
formal summit
Thats the past, now is the present, even if you respect someone doesnt mean your emotions do, for many reasons, you can't change what have happend only what moves you make forward.
But I agree with you its normal to want to spend time with people you like: Thats a value you have, but it dosent mean you can impose it on anyone else unfortunately,
But to next time learn from this experience and your thoughts and set boundaries for what you're okay with or not
midnight sand
I never did push anything onto her. Like I said I always respected her desicions and if she wanted to do something she is fully allowed to do so
We did spend lots of time in the past and it got very little last month and that was totally fine
She had alot going on specially with school and I told her that she has to fokus on that first before we would hang out or do anything together
formal summit
What I can say is to try to watch how your thoughts go internally write then down and try changing them, ask yourself questions that hinders them from going further, it might give some clarity, to understanding more about the way that you think and how to alter it.
And practise grounding techniques to snap back to it.
The more you'll learn about yourself the more it will make sense hopefully what route to take next
midnight sand
I do go to therapy on Friday and hope that I can figure out if I am just dillusional with my thoughs or if I really have possession issues or something similar
Just so I can understand the situation
The only thing that makes sense for me right now is that in her vulnerable state she only sees the bad things that are happening
formal summit
Well unfortunately noone can make you understand the situation except her.
Thats the thing. Sometimes life gives us that a uncertainty that se just have to accept and deal with. It's difficult but what choice do we have.
You're not in any way strange or crazy for having the thoughts you do, most likely they derivate from something deeper in you. But they are absolutely valid. And the tricky part is to accept it, change it, and make them different.
But it's a good sign that you're going to therapy that means you have some desire to change and thats the first step.
midnight sand
I know that some of my friends know more but they promised her not to tell me. They did tell that I can't know and it would only hurt more if I would.
But I think that only makes me worry more
I don't want to probe for any answers or more info.. I wish I could just move onwards without thinking anything