#What do I do if I can't reconnect with a friend?

4 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

torn flax
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(I'm still in highschool)

I transferred as a sophomore to a new hs in a completely new city, and it took a while to make my first friend. She was really friendly and funny, and thought of me the same way too. For the next year, I would offer her lunch I made and improve my productivity with school and the gym while being reassured that I could promise something for her.

That way, we were really close friends with a brother-sister dynamic. This year, as juniors, we still shared classes but we started hanging out with more different friend groups. We still texted to each other every night and talk for hours like nothing's changed from last school term.

However, she complained about another good friend of mine and I told her something that I didn't clearly think through... "please find someone else to talk to about this" and she stopped talking to me entirely (both text and in person) since late September.

I tried to say or send something I remember she liked to get a reply... but I didn't want to overdo it or be considered a stalker. My grades began slipping (in the most important year of hs) and I am barely able to focus whenever I'm in the same class as her. I get so lost in the classroom noise because I'm not a part of that noise anymore.

I've decided to just give her some time and space, and although I don't ever want to end a friendship no matter how bad a situation is (this might be a sign of attachment), I'm lost and need some extra steps for myself.

I still struggle to do what I want to do and whenever I go and have fun with my other friends, I think of her and feel guilty to the point where I can't enjoy myself.

tranquil solar
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Hey, god I can imagine the angst your going through as the thoughts of this person flow in your head. I think you just need to be honest about your feelings to her and make it clear that you are sorry for saying that, and that you would really like her to talk to you again. Dont make it about pity, make it about honesty.

cyan hedge
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I second what the other guy has said. Also realize that you feeling like you don't want to talk about something at a certain time is natural and managing that emotion proactively in the future will result better for you. What I mean is, if at that time you arent in the head space to talk about something or even if you dont want to talk about it at all, the wording is important. I'm sure you know this as you have said you didn't think things thoroughly and probably just said the first thing in your mind at the time. Going forward, apologizing sooner rather than later for your actions by taking accountability on how that affected her, recognizing what she may have needed at the time, and then a promise of change of behavior (to yourself and to her). Remember that apologies don't take back the pain, but recognition and a verbal promise that will later turn into a change in behavior is the most authentic way to reach someone. Then after that you can give her time.

tranquil solar